A letter from September 1st, 2020

Dear FutureMe, What’s my next five years gonna look like. Last year. July2019 ... go back with John! August, birthday roses, movie, and a new girl knocking in the door- his lying about it. End of September... over. October 10th I blocked my mom November 7th, crying under a rock.. look up, there he is, Justin... November 15th... gluten free pancakes. Thanks giving, meeting friends and family. Mid December- my boyfriend. January! New Years together February I shut down and blocked valentines day. Spent it with Taryn. Listen to your internal Radar. March covid- less time for me... We started working out daily, yet still the problem to togetherness. I was working hard.. still unhappy. May, I knew it was not working out .. mushrooms/my explaining I was about over it- trying to decide if I wanted to go, his trying to keep me on board. Letters, roses, seeing if he could “give me what I deserve” Camping was the fix? May 25th it fell apart. June -June 30th, hell! He stayed away, Then he let me back in, then I left... “Break” no break, break up- Ex wife approached me let me know “how it’s going to be” Justin is a permanent fixture.. he said relationship is not priority, I said I’m going.. June 30th- August 17th... conversed to meet for coffee.. August 20th-August 24th... trying to try again, kiss - all I’m my part, and separate yet once again. During covid, I really got to connect with my sister, and get super close. I loved living with her and being with her. During covid abd the breakup with justin, I reconnected with my mom and pushed in to her during July. I can feel resistance and concern she’ll hurt me again.. but I need to work through that and keep loving forward. I have committed for one year to change my. Life/my financial life/my love life/my emotional life