A letter from August 30th, 2020

30/08/2020 it's evident. they've given up on me. no more hope for me. no more believing in me. i don't blame them. what is there to believe anyway? i'm just a disappointment in the midst of a very achieving and blessed family. i was only in the way. why can't i just be removed? i'm not even bringing joy wherever i am. only discontentment and uncertainty. what is there to hope for me? 21 almost 22. still haven't graduated. didn't get good grades. fat. ugly. definitely a disappointment. still in the very same yet long term sin. can't even please my God. tainted myself in a very young age. what even? what is innocence now? i'm starting to think that i'll never grow up content. it's a long run, yes. but always, always, always dumber than a donkey. pathetic. i really wanna get away from all these and just evaporate yknow. idk what the future holds, but i hope you're happier 5 years from now. when the world is against you, or even your parents, i hope you believe in yourself. you got a God who does. we're back to square one. what do i feel now? numb.