A letter from August 26th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, It's been hard, I know, but we can get through every little AND big bump in the rode. I want to write this note to talk to myself, to help myself remember that things change. I pray that my father won't leave again or get caught up in the world of blackjack strippers and drugs once more. I wonder is the girl who screwed me up in the head is going to go to our highschool, of course, she lost her popularity once everyone figured out what a bull liar she is. Not only she helped make me so bitter, but my father and my mother and nearly everyone in my past hurt me to the point of no return. Now I have trust issues, feeling as if sometimes I cannot even trust myself. In twenty nineteen I began walking a path of self destruction and re opened scars that were left, literally and figuratively. Once we were told of our BPD, we were devistated and cut ourselves off in hopes of stopping the cycle of self abuse. We still are so messed up on a personality made of pills and therapy, and now we've been told that we are a narcissistic bastard. I do love myself, and yes in a narcissistic way, I used people, and yet I still can't bring myself to feeling bad. I'm living one hell of a life, I don't have the money, the enjoyment that I used to have in things I indulged in, but I sure as hell have the popularity. know we both crave that fame for a lifetime and I bet that once receive this that we'll be one step closer to our goal. We both also know the dark secrets we have. Why does our god curse me constantly? Our god is a liar, whoever he, she, it, or they are. I know this is dark, but, let's do better, okay?