A letter from August 3rd, 2020

Dear FutureMe, If you're reading this, that means that you've already graduated COLLEGE!! Wow, I've been writing these letters since 2014 when I was still a sophomore in high school and now I'm writing to my future self who is now a college graduate!! :) Congratulations!! I hope senior year wasn't too bad and you were able to make the most of it, given the circumstances. We're still in the middle of a global pandemic so life is pretty much on hold. I'm not sure how long this is suppose to last for but hopefully by the time you're reading this it's already over. I can't even imagine it still going on another year from now. But at this point anything could happen. Two days ago, we had to put Alex down. It happened so fast and unexpectedly which is why it's been so hard for everyone. It's been a rough few days for the whole family, especially Me. She misses him a lot and she's really sad. I know it was the right thing to do because he was getting really sick and we couldn't afford the treatment..but sometimes knowing that you did the right thing doesn't make it any easier. I pray that he's happy in doggie heaven. I miss him a lot. It's weird not seeing him around the house. I took his presence for granted when he was here. Some days I wouldn't even pay attention to him and forget that he's even there, but now all I can feel is his absence. Nate came back two days ago to visit. He's currently staying here, probably until the end of August. When he found out AU classes are all online he almost didn't come and I didn't want him to come either. I know that when he leaves it'll be really ******* hard since we won't know when we will get to see each other next. Some days I really hate him and realize that there's no future for us, but other days I love him a lot. I don't know why I'm so wishy-washy about our relationship. Our future is so uncertain but it's worth a try to see if it works out in the end. The past two days together have been really great. One thing I love about our relationship is our ability to talk about our problems without it escalating. I love that he's patient with me and respects me enough to not get mad at me. I know he's not perfect, but neither am I. We're both working to improve ourselves/the relationship so that if we don't work out once we're the best versions of ourselves, we won't have anything to regret. I know I have a problem with relying on other people for happiness and being co-dependent in relationships. I wasn't single for a long time and don't really know how to love myself. I know that I need to be single for a while and figure my **** out. I'm trying to look 1 year into the future right now and I can't tell if I'll still be with Nate or not. Either way, I hope you're happy with yourself and working on being the best person you can be. Once Nate goes back to Cali, we'll have to do long-distance again for a while. I don't know how I feel about doing it for another 5 (?) months. It all depends on how spring semester will play out. Speaking of, I hope you were able to have an actual graduation. I've been interning at the NRL for a couple months now and it's been a good experience. I'm learning a lot and the people are really nice to me. I can't see myself being for a long time though. I don't wanna stay there after graduation, but it's nice to have that option on the table. I just realized that by the time you're reading this, you've already secured a FULL-TIME position!! Wow, I hope it's a good company and one that pays well and is interesting. I can't believe how different things are gonna be a year from now...2021 one of the biggest years for you :) If COVID is gone, I hope that you were able to travel for a little this summer. Hopefully Japan!! Since this letter is coming to you on August 2021, that means you've either already started a full-time position or are about to start. Wow, I hope you're ready for the real world! As always, I hope that you're doing well and staying healthy. This year I started being more physically active by going to the gym on a daily basis and eating (somewhat) healthy. I hope that you're still being consistent with working out and are seeing progress. While it's important to keep physically healthy, it's also important to stay mentally healthy. Now that you're not in school anymore you won't have school stress, so that'll be good for you. But I know post-graduation depression is a thing and I'm worried you might get it especially since it'll be hard to hang out with people while you're working a 9-5. Is your dream still to move to New York? I really want to right now and I keep thinking about moving away but people keep advising me not to and telling me it's a bad idea financially. My gut is telling me to just do it, but I wanna be responsible at the same time. I don't have it figured out yet, but maybe you do. I hope Ba, Me, and Minh are all healthy and happy too. Don't forget that you need to help them out in whatever way you can. Family is always first. I'm proud of you for finishing your senior year strong, graduating college, and securing a full-time position. I hope you're continuing to work on yourself and are happy with everything you have. Life is crazy and you never know what will happen, but make the most of it. Take every hardship with a grain of salt and learn from it. You'll be a stronger and better person. I'm always proud of you! Love, Past you