A letter from May 9th, 2020

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, right now, i am laying in my bed, day 57 of quarantine and came across a tiktok that showed me this website. i didn’t know what to write about but i thought i’d let you know how you were feeling EXACTLY one year ago. i am sad and probably depressed. of course i have those good days where i’m in a good mood but it’s not the same. i’m not myself anymore. i would’ve never imagined my SENIOR YEAR ending like this. i worked so hard to get to where i am and now i can walk down the isle with the rest of my class in our caps and gowns. i already bought my prom dress and we don’t have a prom anymore and i can’t return my dress. i never really cared about going to prom that much until probably grade 11 and now that’s taken away from me. my grad trip is also cancelled. we were going to disney and we were actually supposed to be at animal kingdom today. i haven’t been able to hug my grandparents since aunt dorothy’s funeral. and i haven’t been able to hug my friends since march 13. it’s very boring. i feel like everyday is just a waste. i do the same thing everyday. wake up. get dressed. do school. eat food. go to bed. i barely sleep anymore and i feel like i’m not even eating anymore. mom says that people are saying i look tired and sad. i’m just so emotionally and mentally exhausted. everything that i’ve been working so hard for was ripped away in a matter of seconds. i cry at least once everyday and cry myself to sleep at least once a week. all i want in the world right now is to have my last summer with my friends before they all leave for university and forget about me. i’m really worried that they will forget about me, even though they said they won’t. i really hope it got better, quickly after this. and i really hope you got your last summer. if you haven’t already, kiss that boy. just frickin do it. if you’re 19, and still haven’t had your first kiss, that means you can legally drink before you kissed a boy, you loser. maybe get a boyfriend too. but maybe not since you’re going to uni in the fall. honestly don’t worry about boys, they all suck anyway. i hope you are working at a really good job right now making BANK and i hope you finally got a car. you definitely deserve it. i also hope you finally started going on runs and working out because i know that i really want to but i have no motivation right now. you’re perfect the way you are. i love you love, myself

Epilogue

1 day later

it is now day 423 of being in a lockdown/pandemic. i’m not as emotionally and mentally exhausted anymore. i don’t cry myself to sleep very often. i threw myself my...

Tillte otg to iwht ym i drnfies onw drses ropm eraw isltl my so. Nda eruipstc gto ngvtrehyei tnaek. Seinc blea ’reewnt dna ot apsc teirhe ogwns sdeirfn dan agitnoraud i dagr to tknae otg rou in my isrteucp we alos og. Egnsil aveh dinka had oerv eon rcloudsiiu is in a ereovpesl i raye hwhic. Piattrshe i i owh lbmpeosr dna dfuon sda ym a lkat touba ehva to to all ma. Anc fsymel hes ibnge birgn to kbca em igpnho im’. The crasy qiute si onw irhgt orwld. Leik het leppeo satek rvoe eshto srtat eomvsi gevenonrtm nad fo st’i lstmao hwere a eygtnivehr noe eth oniellbre. Si ietdfyenil i hatt tath blnoreeil i ownk lwil all ionj. Off a elage at i lyeatprroim rkow onw idtrh nwocokld mi’ adli iacenram btu fo unyreclrt seceaub. Ni lcgeleo epesermbt ot ’mi gogni. Yrlenntuuatfo mroe aagin htna einlno be kyleil wlil. Eb ’im wlli albe dna yrpanig rdisfen refbeo aroenmy ihts move ifsrt me htne ucbaese smurme to oogd ’rneewt alprbboy talk awya uctlyala saw )nineol arye my yrrael it atth (thye ot. Ovme to ’im ma oitn new fi holcos h,tuogh iredfsn ixcetde aekm cnisreede i ta htat bale si to. .
Adn but veha sksi otn am oll 19 i nema dha tsrfi i ym dendie. . . . Iso’vcd s’it laftu. Orf lefi hihcw but me ot wllosy ankdi needd sseug oatub i and byo itnhk uclyatla ogdo godo he ma me, het adn tailgkn i eh up tjsu ailnkgt a his ddi iseeetrdnt sutpe sugy, yug evenr hhwci gotshgni erom i besceau a usby tdaetsr sth’ta idank in to the os aws legopizao i got eh i ogod t,i eomr utb eh tpdepos get. .
My of solt uspdti rdefnis a mtso aeonsrs ewf i of for lentrcey het. Ewre tath pocytiiarchl tkilgan emit lcespa eothsr grnwo dan it nnotfrdeoc ltdua ni na hact taoub 18 tawhreve ot i nad nda in tehy ot yhet woh rinognig sacubee eht apnetsr i adn oealdwl ihter net’erw lnoy swa tmeh evssemtlhe seecuba tye i idas ntinnorfgoc ttah aws but gnirb dlatu dan oprgu ewilh not idedecd yteh ym i em ti erwe and mteh nad cra aws fro at os yver eht i mthe asw ehty tuabo tedeulgnmja na im’ swa ngwro. Eswcr thme. Tryhee’ coxti anyway. Obuta tbu ciivl ays dluoc nto erom be i do and meht aynhgtin a lto osuldh i. Were aumrtemi vole i me )htat hghout cekldbo os dan (hety.
So rlealy ifel it ilslt urenatnic ukssc is dna. Tgahinyn od tacn’ we. Llsit ym si ccldleena agrd rpit. Ym hohtug tge giev ew a istrf noctcre udenfr saw tyeh su nad it crsso ot otnsoeppd ’ncat rrbeod to neev w’otn the laiyhlpycs rvee. .
,wnyaay ssueg tsta’h i it. .
.
Yfesml ve,ol.

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