A letter from May 9th, 2020

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, right now, i am laying in my bed, day 57 of quarantine and came across a tiktok that showed me this website. i didn’t know what to write about but i thought i’d let you know how you were feeling EXACTLY one year ago. i am sad and probably depressed. of course i have those good days where i’m in a good mood but it’s not the same. i’m not myself anymore. i would’ve never imagined my SENIOR YEAR ending like this. i worked so hard to get to where i am and now i can walk down the isle with the rest of my class in our caps and gowns. i already bought my prom dress and we don’t have a prom anymore and i can’t return my dress. i never really cared about going to prom that much until probably grade 11 and now that’s taken away from me. my grad trip is also cancelled. we were going to disney and we were actually supposed to be at animal kingdom today. i haven’t been able to hug my grandparents since aunt dorothy’s funeral. and i haven’t been able to hug my friends since march 13. it’s very boring. i feel like everyday is just a waste. i do the same thing everyday. wake up. get dressed. do school. eat food. go to bed. i barely sleep anymore and i feel like i’m not even eating anymore. mom says that people are saying i look tired and sad. i’m just so emotionally and mentally exhausted. everything that i’ve been working so hard for was ripped away in a matter of seconds. i cry at least once everyday and cry myself to sleep at least once a week. all i want in the world right now is to have my last summer with my friends before they all leave for university and forget about me. i’m really worried that they will forget about me, even though they said they won’t. i really hope it got better, quickly after this. and i really hope you got your last summer. if you haven’t already, kiss that boy. just frickin do it. if you’re 19, and still haven’t had your first kiss, that means you can legally drink before you kissed a boy, you loser. maybe get a boyfriend too. but maybe not since you’re going to uni in the fall. honestly don’t worry about boys, they all suck anyway. i hope you are working at a really good job right now making BANK and i hope you finally got a car. you definitely deserve it. i also hope you finally started going on runs and working out because i know that i really want to but i have no motivation right now. you’re perfect the way you are. i love you love, myself

Epilogue

1 day later

it is now day 423 of being in a lockdown/pandemic. i’m not as emotionally and mentally exhausted anymore. i don’t cry myself to sleep very often. i threw myself my...

Rdess ym otg tieltl wno waer lstli to thiw os nedsfri my i mopr. Tuisecrp tgo and nyhergitev nekta. Eierht to gadr ot escin i ni sgnwo sloa ym nda csap tnaorgduia snfrdie we rewen’t og abel tgo dna naket oru pueisrtc. Voer si noe a adh rvespleoe kadni ioudilcsur erya ehav i ni iglesn chhwi. Nad btauo dsa aveh lsmborpe fudno ym how am i a to all ot tkla i itehartsp. Gebni abck gribn em esh ogiphn mi’ nca ot elsfym. Tuiqe rsacy onw eth si wldro ghtri. Tsatr a gnyrtvieeh one ovre oshet of ogemvetnrn kaset dan tis’ tmsloa ewhre ppeloe eoniebllr eht hte svomei keli. Liityenfde bnlreelio lla liwl i oinj ttha nkow that i is. I of epimltayror btu ’mi a rtlnucery hidtr lokdcnwo aecrinma won leeag ta laid owrk fof scebuea. In ginog to lcoeegl mepbteers ’mi. Anth uryoleatfuntn llkeiy iaagn wlil be ieonln meor. Ttha ti elba nthe em hist ilwl ym ogod yapngri be orblyapb in)leno isdfern seeuacb ot tkla voem yawa nrt’ewe to ayre bfeoer im’ cuyltaal ealrry frsti was nda ymaeron mursem hy(te. Bale ahtt hhguo,t tdeexci ot ma school is amek ta noti irncseede mi’ to desfrni eovm if i enw. .
Fitrs my endide ma i name tbu llo ont nad skis i hda 91 aveh. . . . Od’ivcs t’is tfula. ,em inkda eenvr sbuy ogdo i for he i but ikdna hiwch usges a pu eh ,it aallyuct nagltki ggsiotnh em ot ertdenseit odsptep eth eupst lolsyw his obuat i i eth so swa dan just to ni eh yob a mreo hhwci oerm eh itlgkna su,gy odog aubseec dgoo i elif guy egt otg s’atth dsraett pgoaoizel dna dende am ddi hkint tub. .
Eth ewf dtiups snesaor rof i dfinser fo a my rnlcteey otsm slto fo. Nda ethy i wodlela treosh my so i i tdaul lnyo ythe rgwno rfo mite aws wsa and ctnfrnngioo eewr tath saw eidcdde bauto orwng itreh adn utb na aws cuesbae in pslace dan het lautd yteh etmaeldnujg i tkalnig eecusba lheiw meth eslveethms adn htey aobtu acht teh sadi ta tno 81 gorup cftednrnoo owh that ti i i’m reyv nda nrigb erwe acr hetm rhaetevw tpernsa rwtn’ee in em mthe it ot eyt an saw htcrilpyocai nda ot ingirngo. Hmte cewsr. Awyyna itoxc etreh’y. Asy od suodlh eb meor tbu nto adn tmhe uabto i vciil i yatnhngi lcdou olt a. Lvoe )hatt os weer em erimtmua dan eht(y eldcbko i ouhthg.
Uscks ellrya enrntucai nad si so elif it itlls. We od yihgtnna ta’nc. Tirp lltsi my rgad is ncldceael. Srsoc nad veen ndferu hte eevr tna’c su eyht saw lcsplaiyhy a etg ym hotguh geiv nw’to ot nsppeootd frtsi ocnretc ot derrob it ew. .
I yawyan, ti ssegu h’stta. .
.
Elvo, femsyl.

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