A letter from April 18th, 2020

Dear future me, Right now I am going through the dreadful process of sending in university applications, contemplating what I want to do with my life, how I will cope with living alone and dealing with the bitterness that my parents currently hold in their hearts. I'm sure you remember this because the impact that my friends have had on been has been greatly painful. The fact that most of them know exactly what to do, where to go, and how to exist, while I sit here in this hole, embarrassed to even answer the simple question of "what are my plans for the future?" I am writing to you, because my biggest worry right now is doing something that you would regret, of doing something that may lead to the unhappiness within you. It sucks so much to have to not only tackle the prospect of ending up directionless, but also the people who can see your helplessness and stupidity. These days, the strong images of the future consume me, of one day, getting to study English, with the help of supportive and insightful professors, of having real friends, and really living my life to the fullest. Maybe one year is a short time for me to expect so much to happen, but if you are even remotely close to achieving this, then my love, don't be afraid. Because look how far you have come! You have gone from realizing that not everybody hates you, to actually learning how to communicate with those around you. Things are uncertain, but I just hope you have no regrets in the future. I know that I have been careless and uninformed, possibly risking my future because of my indecisiveness. But I have come a long way, from being the dumbest girl in IHS to at least possessing the faintest bit of ambition within me. Don't worry mi Amor (I've been watching money heist yes), I believe that you will end up exactly where you are meant to be. Haha, this feels like a letter for my present self rather than future, but hopefully, this piece of advice is timeless. Have faith. You are the only form of hope I have right now, and I just hope that you are happy wherever you are, learning to live alone, and creating many new memories. It is imagining you being happy, that takes the pain away from the present. Sincerely, your cowardly one-year younger self.