September 2011

Peaceful right?

Hey, kiddo. So, you just wrote a letter to yourself the day before you wrote this one, but since they're coming a month apart, I doubt you would have even remembered that if I didn't tell you. Something I do wonder if you remember, though, is how you were feeling back in the beginning of September 2010. Probably not...you don't tend to think of these things until they're pointed out, which is completely okay. I mean, I'd rather know you were living in the present than being stuck in the past. Anyways, you weren't even really sure how to approach this subject, because you felt like you were teetering on the edge of something that could either be amazing or heartbreaking. You knew you weren't ready yet to be heartbroken again, and that was the only thing that kept you from just taking the plunge. Well, no it wasn't. Okay, so here we go: Every time you spent time with Roach, he grew to be a more and more important person in your life. You grew to like him more and more. But you weren't ready to acknowledge that feeling, or even really think a whole lot about it, because you didn't trust yourself not to get obsessive again. It was such a complicated feeling, because you felt like you were restraining yourself so much, because of how completely important it was to you that he stay in your life. I think you finally understand the meaning of not wanting to screw up a friendship, because yours with him is so ridiculously amazing that you can't bear the thought of it not existing in the same way. It was totally worth suppressing your feelings to experience this friendship. I hope you still feel that way. Well, actually, I hope that he is still in your life in some way. Whether it be in the same feeling-suppressing friendship way, or whether it's something more, when you wrote this, he was so important to you that you hardly contained the words to describe it. It was all a little dramatic, really, and though you weren't quite as dramatic as you used to be, it felt familiar and exciting at the same time. I love you, hon. Sorry to babble your ear off about old things. I typically don't write to you like this, but it's good to have a private place to hash out my feelings.

Epilogue

about 17 hours later

Dear lovely wonderful self,

I could cry reading this letter because I know what is in store for your future with Roach and it breaks my heart to remember what...

Twhi ebne mhi 'vueoy oruhthg. Tsill sthi ruyo the mih lfie trpi dna( htmno uoy agp,e eaftr aws drao wtih toko nda of a wkee ouy to woert ti g-koelnwe )si r,etlet yb tebs ,arf a eitenr. Jsut ktnhi. . . Tsuj leov oacr,h teh and epoelp msto itenre yuo oy,u an egpa eht tiwh week. Utbao ltak a ardme. .
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Ettrasd ouy erfta a idftr itltel ot atht tbi. Dna eifl yuo a gtntuci ihcwh fo rbm,eeedc ihm ish to edl uyo arlet dmae usdipt iocensid ni uot. Ahtt lkei sujt. O,h llsti eht errmembe eelinfg i. Ecsstol kcttaa a ot eben pralbyob capni erve it teh aws ve'ew. Aws hgncuisr ti. Uyo was wten weka ubrts 'dnltuco oryu eghu dna on and sknee tbr,heea utjs all csthe oyur and sobs noit ekil uoy iemghsont. Eivstpio had lefnal otn nebe ehav dlouw to ouy i ma teh ongdur you in w,sohre and het. Cseueba os traicamd aws dssnou ti ti. .
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Ouy ntatrpoim ihttwou n,wo aiginzelr oyu ti ahtt no emeobc vene lucdo woh eahv to he eadi eavh uyo. Ti uryo ekil ni adn aehtr of otok pu riimnpseso ackb aws scnku reeht het your eh esenierdc droo iuhtotw. With cuskhn omved know qrteatsu to tiunl ouy royu adn on egnamda fo tkea ehtar mih hegu a adn idd'tn eh was he ti.
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Was ouy eimt hmi tsla hrditaby oyru was the. Him uoy otko lla kabc ignhst of shi. Coleds okot het the od,or he box, nda ihs odro npoede. It swa ttah. .
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Arhd so eht tmsnoh to eerw lwoolf. Hersetdt,a oyu acring esyruflo at twih nda htta adn bad lcletoympe i,t odicsnies eevn and ofr hetar rhigtaetns eben angimk at were rnyag nagry ahd ihm ngbei ot cuhm fro rof uyor. .
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Plyicsalhy mhi xuesec loloimyaetn ouy ot liaevgn usde na alvee as. Waay nar uoy. Weetenb to ran, raanoiz l,seg ilat uyro. Ried dcenso that left dan ritan vreey rwnog fo. Hlsdou ytadirbh vhea won hngaiv uroy ot dasi nad adn a xtdete ,tmie het erev oyu of and nisedrf h,ree 'yureo niebg he ot bakc ksa oyeur' tasntciaf yuo isss'ter on no fi ouy og tow cdoul. .
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Rty ti ouy asw iasd a twrho. Rdtie you. Inaga now ifidnrgt yr'ueo. Uoy do htta ,2000 ifihrsdnp,e kwon liwl eisml ot a. Rleyab uyo eht og yaw het beefor oyu actntoc to wno hety hwit ot eliv bcka eewr dna ntgshi tath noncat ehav ftac hcea ohre,t. Y'llou pu moefrr nath adn in wdrna myaeb nda rhrate yaw infpual ubt ned taht olgn a vaeh a ywayn,sa het uot iwth ehinrpis,df yudo' itngnoh of elhls. .
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Od ,ayw dhra awayls nshtig uoy eth rahc did.
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Ma eth eurdnt thta tou rryos otw nbteeew dyenob of i htisgn tihs way you. Psgar osul omgeisnth uyor pfisendirh rahldy betlfuaiu ludco swa ti ihm ruyo hiwt so. Yerdteods asw it nad. .
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Rrosy 'im. Ovel uyo i. I and eh etnhiyverg ouy algd uyo ma aemtn to ot him arde mhcu pieepdaratc how. St'i elopep tatsuionsi nun,yf npmmtianree dna rae elif os ohw adn. .
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You og i to kcba i oudcl wihs. Eeabusc to so twhi odecns i you odlcu i het u,otnc ones sihw rea evrey idimelt eltl mih mkae ahve yuo. .
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Rorys i'm.

This user has written an update to this letter.To see what they wrote, please

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