September 2011

Peaceful right?

Hey, kiddo. So, you just wrote a letter to yourself the day before you wrote this one, but since they're coming a month apart, I doubt you would have even remembered that if I didn't tell you. Something I do wonder if you remember, though, is how you were feeling back in the beginning of September 2010. Probably not...you don't tend to think of these things until they're pointed out, which is completely okay. I mean, I'd rather know you were living in the present than being stuck in the past. Anyways, you weren't even really sure how to approach this subject, because you felt like you were teetering on the edge of something that could either be amazing or heartbreaking. You knew you weren't ready yet to be heartbroken again, and that was the only thing that kept you from just taking the plunge. Well, no it wasn't. Okay, so here we go: Every time you spent time with Roach, he grew to be a more and more important person in your life. You grew to like him more and more. But you weren't ready to acknowledge that feeling, or even really think a whole lot about it, because you didn't trust yourself not to get obsessive again. It was such a complicated feeling, because you felt like you were restraining yourself so much, because of how completely important it was to you that he stay in your life. I think you finally understand the meaning of not wanting to screw up a friendship, because yours with him is so ridiculously amazing that you can't bear the thought of it not existing in the same way. It was totally worth suppressing your feelings to experience this friendship. I hope you still feel that way. Well, actually, I hope that he is still in your life in some way. Whether it be in the same feeling-suppressing friendship way, or whether it's something more, when you wrote this, he was so important to you that you hardly contained the words to describe it. It was all a little dramatic, really, and though you weren't quite as dramatic as you used to be, it felt familiar and exciting at the same time. I love you, hon. Sorry to babble your ear off about old things. I typically don't write to you like this, but it's good to have a private place to hash out my feelings.

Epilogue

about 17 hours later

Dear lovely wonderful self,

I could cry reading this letter because I know what is in store for your future with Roach and it breaks my heart to remember what...

Hturgoh eben 'ovyue with mih. With ti by a weo-egnkl mih eowtr het lltsi dna yuo )si ptri isth yuo btes elt,ert (adn mhnot file ietner to a fa,r okot peag, of odra oury ftera ekwe aws. Hknit tujs. . . Gpea epopel sjut uy,o ewek an nrteei uyo eht and the htiw vole ,rhaco tsom. Mread aklt a utbao. .
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Tstraed to rftdi atht bti a you traef lteilt. Eebcred,m shi of etlra mih life cwihh sdtpui tugntci eld to eadm yuo eodinsci uto in ouy a adn. Ttha eikl sjtu. Rembreme i einlefg h,o stlli hte. Eben het veer saw ot ev'we ti oapblrby tcssoel a apcni tkaatc. Hcuirsgn ti wsa. No saw nseke tenw and uyo hgue ouy uyro tjsu tubsr nad toin lla kewa dna royu 'dlutocn cehst osbs eilk aehrteb, ietmogshn. Iteiposv adn ahd i odngur eth luwdo uoy in fnella to eth ouy ma hvea neeb rs,hwoe tno. It aimdctar ssduno it aws so eacubse. .
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Pmirtnato you eh who evah ,wno loduc touihwt no that nvee uyo to it emebco haev aeilnigzr ieda you. Dna rneedices kunsc terhe rdoo msriiposne royu tkoo uory ilke fo up asw hrate tiwthou it in hte eh kacb. He gdenaam imh wsa nda suttrqae herta cuhksn nutli dmove ot of ehgu dan a eh uyo 'nddit it no aetk kwno ihtw uyor.
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Aws yuo imh ltas imte swa ryuo ytdrihba eht. Took lla mih fo nshgti sih ckab oyu. Eh o,xb droo nad eth oneedp oo,rd teh lsodec hsi koot. Aws htat it. .
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Ot os erew flwool msntoh rdah hte. Eenb adn rtgisnthea ihm giebn ssiniedco at rnayg hrtea htat adb mhuc htwi ouy rfo even ti, kminag and rwee llmytpeeco ta ahd fro royu set,hedrat aginrc adn fro fouyelsr to argny. .
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Hmi yleaitmlono lveae ycaypihsll na deus you as to cxesue nvegila. Ywaa uyo anr. Gels, anizaor to nteebew n,ar lati ruoy. Nad eveyr of irtna ecsnod ltef erid grwno htat. Eerv kabc kas eru'oy dan ot sdrfien if now dias go ehva ibhytdar no dusohl wot ei,tm of uyo dan dtetex hgvnai nda uyro eht rs'setsi a aifatctns nbeig to u'ryeo he,er he on oducl oyu ouy. .
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Idas oyu ti was a tyr thwro. Uoy tdrei. Iaang own nrtdfgii r'uoey. Sdfhiin,rpe lwil do a ,0020 ot yuo ownk htta smile. Ouy kacb awy to re,oht htiw teh eralyb oyu nnctao ot own ahtt otncact heva eliv heca fcat and eewr og yteh nthgsi eth borfee. Shlel wya ybaem ned a hntinog ntha hdnispre,if rhrtae dan eht of utb ya,anysw mrerof ongl hitw eavh pu dan nradw a oy'ud nlpfiau uto ni ttah o'luly. .
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Adrh od the wyslaa ddi harc hntisg ,ywa uoy.
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I fo wya erdnut teebwen ma oyu wto uto eth sryro yneodb sith atht nihtsg. Ti usol lcduo hrdlya mih ufbieatul yoru hsgmineot saw iwht spgra your os difrnsheip. It wsa droeesdyt dna. .
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Mi' srryo. I oevl uoy. Papreeacitd ma mhcu imh woh ot yuo edra ot htynivreeg nda ladg he tmena i yuo. N,nuyf adn lfie sutoisiant oeeppl anrpemnmiet dna hwo os 'ist rae. .
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I ouy uldoc bcka iwhs ot og i. Eosn ncosed ot yuo suaeceb mietldi are i hte odlcu veah iswh wthi mih maek llet so i uoy outn,c vyeer. .
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M'i ysrro.

This user has written an update to this letter.To see what they wrote, please

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