September 2011

Peaceful right?

Hey, kiddo. So, you just wrote a letter to yourself the day before you wrote this one, but since they're coming a month apart, I doubt you would have even remembered that if I didn't tell you. Something I do wonder if you remember, though, is how you were feeling back in the beginning of September 2010. Probably not...you don't tend to think of these things until they're pointed out, which is completely okay. I mean, I'd rather know you were living in the present than being stuck in the past. Anyways, you weren't even really sure how to approach this subject, because you felt like you were teetering on the edge of something that could either be amazing or heartbreaking. You knew you weren't ready yet to be heartbroken again, and that was the only thing that kept you from just taking the plunge. Well, no it wasn't. Okay, so here we go: Every time you spent time with Roach, he grew to be a more and more important person in your life. You grew to like him more and more. But you weren't ready to acknowledge that feeling, or even really think a whole lot about it, because you didn't trust yourself not to get obsessive again. It was such a complicated feeling, because you felt like you were restraining yourself so much, because of how completely important it was to you that he stay in your life. I think you finally understand the meaning of not wanting to screw up a friendship, because yours with him is so ridiculously amazing that you can't bear the thought of it not existing in the same way. It was totally worth suppressing your feelings to experience this friendship. I hope you still feel that way. Well, actually, I hope that he is still in your life in some way. Whether it be in the same feeling-suppressing friendship way, or whether it's something more, when you wrote this, he was so important to you that you hardly contained the words to describe it. It was all a little dramatic, really, and though you weren't quite as dramatic as you used to be, it felt familiar and exciting at the same time. I love you, hon. Sorry to babble your ear off about old things. I typically don't write to you like this, but it's good to have a private place to hash out my feelings.

Epilogue

about 17 hours later

Dear lovely wonderful self,

I could cry reading this letter because I know what is in store for your future with Roach and it breaks my heart to remember what...

Hmi tihw oyeuv' ugthrho eenb. Ek-elowng it hwit wsa s)i adn adn( by daro ilef ebst fo trafe ,teetrl e,pag sllit isth the reteni otwre uoy toko ouy oruy irtp imh a mtonh a ,raf to weke. Nktih jstu. . . Ac,hor netrei an peolpe omst leov and just teh het yuo wkee tihw page uy,o. Aredm obaut a aktl. .
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Etardst a frate htat bti fdtri to uoy tellti. E,ecdebrm to ihchw oyu atlre ish uoy lfei ni stupdi eld emad imh tuo a itctngu fo nda siencido. Ilek hatt tsuj. Ebrermme hte ignfele h,o i lstli. Ewv'e to eht attakc a tsloesc eevr asw aylrbbpo ncpia it bene. Ti ughnircs wsa. Oryu oint gsiohtenm enkse adn klie wnet yuo and aewk oyu just lal swa on ,arbehet nda rtsbu ruoy ughe lutod'nc boss hetcs. Ton ogdnur enbe to wor,ehs teh am dna i uyo ptoieisv lowdu aevh ahd ni uoy het allefn. Ti acamidrt cebeaus ti oundss os aws. .
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O,nw neev oyu evha oituwth it ot eadi hwo ouy eh on vhea become iazlgneri ldocu maotpnrti uoy ttah. Othtiuw dicereens ni ncsuk npmiorseis hte kcba rehat wsa ti pu he nad ootk like rdoo yruo etrhe of oyur. Dna yuo ughe a swa he hnkcsu mhi taek nad idtd'n asuqtrte nowk on eh oyru tnliu whti ti dagneam moedv rhaet to of.
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Was yuo mite him aws tsla hte tdraihby ryuo. Ihm otok you lla nigsht his kcab fo. Epdeon nad ktoo or,do the his ob,x hte rdoo soecld he. That was ti. .
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So eht hdar ot lofwol stohmn rwee. Ahd sefyorlu at abd yrou and ti, tshegnitra atreh elmtycploe cnirga vene rof egbni fro gnaimk yuo taht cmhu at ihtw dan dan ihm argny ett,rsedha ayrgn nieossicd ewer orf bnee to. .
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An as mhi you veael lgnviae usde lhslyipayc llnaootymei eesxcu to. Uoy rna yaaw. Tebnwee slge, iaaoznr to aitl yuor ,nar. Ider etlf cdsneo htat of vryee nad orwng iartn. Vere fdsrnie olhusd fi adn emi,t ettexd no akbc het tbadryih e,hre wto yuore' being nhgvia fttanicsa kas uyo haev you yuor on dcuol u'eoyr to a ressts'i eh dais dan adn of wno og to uyo. .
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Ti a ytr ohrwt uoy was dasi. Ritde uoy. Tnrfiigd onw ngaai ro'yue. 2000, a isnpedh,fir know esmli lwil od to ttah oyu. Wya eht ot hte ahce vhae ewer dna uyo ahtt ouy go efober ckba ot acottnc teyh hwti rho,et rlebay own lvei tcoann tcaf nhgsit. The ni efromr dan aetrrh dawrn eslhl ned htat but isedphr,fni twih up ymabe aveh a apinflu adn fo d'oyu yllu'o tgnhion ywsnaya, naht tou long yaw a. .
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Dhar ngshti idd ,wya do eth lasway ouy rcah.
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Sith tow otu rdtneu bdenoy i yrros of ayw nstgih tbeween uyo am thta eht. So tseghomni asw lous ruyo yhardl apsrg lfateuiub him thiw it ryou ldocu iridnfhpes. Dan otyeedsrd asw ti. .
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I'm srroy. Vloe you i. Vteeghriny i mhi dna am raed how adatrpepice he ouy ot ucmh ot you dgla etnma. Nttoiaissu lefi who polpee yf,nun rea eepimrntnam dan i'ts dan os. .
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I bkca og swhi oucdl i ot oyu. I revey wshi hmi oens eht with ot eavh i emka so ouldc csbeuae ouy eodsnc eltl oyu mliedti o,nctu ear. .
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'mi rsyor.

This user has written an update to this letter.To see what they wrote, please

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