September 2011

Peaceful right?

Hey, kiddo. So, you just wrote a letter to yourself the day before you wrote this one, but since they're coming a month apart, I doubt you would have even remembered that if I didn't tell you. Something I do wonder if you remember, though, is how you were feeling back in the beginning of September 2010. Probably not...you don't tend to think of these things until they're pointed out, which is completely okay. I mean, I'd rather know you were living in the present than being stuck in the past. Anyways, you weren't even really sure how to approach this subject, because you felt like you were teetering on the edge of something that could either be amazing or heartbreaking. You knew you weren't ready yet to be heartbroken again, and that was the only thing that kept you from just taking the plunge. Well, no it wasn't. Okay, so here we go: Every time you spent time with Roach, he grew to be a more and more important person in your life. You grew to like him more and more. But you weren't ready to acknowledge that feeling, or even really think a whole lot about it, because you didn't trust yourself not to get obsessive again. It was such a complicated feeling, because you felt like you were restraining yourself so much, because of how completely important it was to you that he stay in your life. I think you finally understand the meaning of not wanting to screw up a friendship, because yours with him is so ridiculously amazing that you can't bear the thought of it not existing in the same way. It was totally worth suppressing your feelings to experience this friendship. I hope you still feel that way. Well, actually, I hope that he is still in your life in some way. Whether it be in the same feeling-suppressing friendship way, or whether it's something more, when you wrote this, he was so important to you that you hardly contained the words to describe it. It was all a little dramatic, really, and though you weren't quite as dramatic as you used to be, it felt familiar and exciting at the same time. I love you, hon. Sorry to babble your ear off about old things. I typically don't write to you like this, but it's good to have a private place to hash out my feelings.

Epilogue

about 17 hours later

Dear lovely wonderful self,

I could cry reading this letter because I know what is in store for your future with Roach and it breaks my heart to remember what...

Hughotr iwth hmi yov'eu nbee. Ouy etrein rdao ot i)s hist oruy pgea, a yb file and eekw a rpti arf, isllt eth e,rtlte btes ohnmt oe-ewnlgk koto ihwt (adn it ihm of asw erwot ouy faret. Tusj hntik. . . Het ihtw you gepa lpepoe stju hroa,c lvoe na ertnei and eekw otsm y,uo the. A uboat altk mdaer. .
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Illtte sdaertt oyu tirdf aftre ibt ot htat a. Ticntug nad tsupdi hihwc tou uoy a mih sih in to fo uoy dame later eifl edciosni rede,bcme edl. Elki jsut atht. The eflgnei lilts eemermrb ho, i. Reev vwee' it ebne to atakct saw sloecst hte prblaoyb a cipna. Ti was sihrcgun. Dan no col'dtnu ehtcs ae,htebr you lla itno guhe nad ubrst swa and kense ewtn usjt yoru ikle eakw togemisnh oruy obss you. You hte undorg the seivpito ma leflan i not ot uoy wloud vhea eenb nad rehos,w ni adh. Ti ueeacsb iaratdmc ti was so sdusno. .
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Eh nrlzeaigi daei it ehva on own, who vaeh ouy neev toitwhu htta ocdlu to nmtiarpto bemeco you you. Of it edesnriec swa spronmsiei uoyr rhtae okot adn liek teh akcb twthuio in up reeht he royu orod cksnu. Ltuni nda dvmoe atek knwo on wthi swa fo uqrstate n'ddit gehu nda he to ngmaade ti rthea ihm he a uoyr yuo nshcku.
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Saw him tasl saw ietm royu rdaythbi eht uyo. Okot lla hmi shi uoy of hignst bakc. Penedo eht od,or and b,xo ihs dcsleo took eth eh rodo. Thta it aws. .
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Oolwfl ardh so eht osthnm weer ot. Dan esttghiarn erew ofr dah knagmi ngrya genbi yruo veen cmuh for abd at irgacn csoiisned ouy seet,tdrah it, soryuefl ot and tcyeeplolm mih yarng earth hwit ta rof dan eben thta. .
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To valee egaivnl laphlsycyi him ioylnoemalt you na used ueescx sa. Anr away you. L,sge tlai ot eetenbw ryuo zarinoa ,arn. Wnorg oncesd eidr of tath adn ltfe ntari yvree. Ulodhs uoy ckba on nad ti,em r'ueoy won ask avhe hte dan reev dna a serfdni oyu gbeni go est'isrs to yuo dtteex ruye'o dsai to ianttsfac fo duolc no higvna if he e,rhe yruo wot tidrbhya. .
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Ouy dais ti try hrowt a wsa. Oyu teidr. Aaing nwo dtiinrgf rou'ey. You ot eiinhsr,fdp 20,00 leims atht wonk iwll a od. Uyo bylear ctaf hte they eliv ot cabk nda aveh catonn now oteh,r wree fobere thta hace hwit tonccta eth awy ntisgh to you og. End slhle wrand ulapfni a 'dyou feiisdh,prn eht nad logn of awy atht btu in tinhnog uot up n,aawysy ebamy a lyo'lu orfmre adn evah ntha rrahte wthi. .
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,awy carh eht hrda sthign od awslya uyo ddi.
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Atth eewnteb ednbyo uto yaw htgsin otw of enturd ma itsh rysro i het oyu. Pasrg ueulfibta yoru ryuo mih whit os lradyh metnoihsg fdpsriinhe oludc aws it lsou. It odrtydees asw dna. .
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I'm osrry. Ouy i ovel. Uoy dgal he gienthyerv cptairedeap ma ntame ihm nad yuo i hmuc ot to hwo eard. U,nfyn adn epeolp dan elif ear emeitnparmn who os si't ottuiassni. .
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Uyo whis to i i lcuod cbak go. Ocdlu tlel tn,ouc ithw whis i os enos yuo het hmi rvyee ueebcsa i diitlme evah yuo to dscneo ear ekam. .
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'im sorry.

This user has written an update to this letter.To see what they wrote, please

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