September 2011

Peaceful right?

Hey, kiddo. So, you just wrote a letter to yourself the day before you wrote this one, but since they're coming a month apart, I doubt you would have even remembered that if I didn't tell you. Something I do wonder if you remember, though, is how you were feeling back in the beginning of September 2010. Probably not...you don't tend to think of these things until they're pointed out, which is completely okay. I mean, I'd rather know you were living in the present than being stuck in the past. Anyways, you weren't even really sure how to approach this subject, because you felt like you were teetering on the edge of something that could either be amazing or heartbreaking. You knew you weren't ready yet to be heartbroken again, and that was the only thing that kept you from just taking the plunge. Well, no it wasn't. Okay, so here we go: Every time you spent time with Roach, he grew to be a more and more important person in your life. You grew to like him more and more. But you weren't ready to acknowledge that feeling, or even really think a whole lot about it, because you didn't trust yourself not to get obsessive again. It was such a complicated feeling, because you felt like you were restraining yourself so much, because of how completely important it was to you that he stay in your life. I think you finally understand the meaning of not wanting to screw up a friendship, because yours with him is so ridiculously amazing that you can't bear the thought of it not existing in the same way. It was totally worth suppressing your feelings to experience this friendship. I hope you still feel that way. Well, actually, I hope that he is still in your life in some way. Whether it be in the same feeling-suppressing friendship way, or whether it's something more, when you wrote this, he was so important to you that you hardly contained the words to describe it. It was all a little dramatic, really, and though you weren't quite as dramatic as you used to be, it felt familiar and exciting at the same time. I love you, hon. Sorry to babble your ear off about old things. I typically don't write to you like this, but it's good to have a private place to hash out my feelings.

Epilogue

about 17 hours later

Dear lovely wonderful self,

I could cry reading this letter because I know what is in store for your future with Roach and it breaks my heart to remember what...

Veoy'u thguhro wiht imh bnee. Weke ,arf yuo rfaet ti etrwo iths tlsli tesb ot oruy by is) wthi fo a droa saw rntiee irpt mih d(na gpe,a tt,rlee koto nad you feli ew-gkleno eht mntho a. Nkthi utsj. . . Teh oyu, and rocha, wthi iernet eagp ewke levo jsut hte sotm na yuo epolpe. Uabot deamr a kalt. .
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Trdif tleilt you adtsetr ot retfa atth bti a. Tealr of his wcihh mhi tou amde in nad icidseon sitpdu uyo bdeermec, to uyo file led ctitugn a. Utjs lkie taht. H,o eegifnl rerembem ltlsi eth i. A steoscl atkact acpni evre neeb it rbylaopb the to swa weev'. Ghcunris ti swa. Huge on and was trsbu emntihgso dna uory boss ret,ebah tnoi 'tlcduon kiel wake etnw lal you sjut ouy eensk sthec uroy and. Aveh ewso,rh eht ni am tno hda eebn yuo udngro to i lowud adn teh uoy otivpise anllfe. Eubcase os ti ti cdamtrai unossd aws. .
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Hutwtoi ot oyu even ,onw olcdu it zreiialng hatt ceombe you imntrapto iead he no hvae oyu vhae who. Hte in titwuho and deircseen he abkc up koot terah teehr swa eikl fo cuskn it ruoy uoyr menisosipr odor. Aws yuo intdd' ihwt adanegm liutn aket ti owkn voedm ot rthea ihm he of a he oury dna no sretquat nda hkscun ghue.
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Was ouy saw eimt teh hmi ytahbdir ruoy astl. Uoy took fo mhi lla abck hgisnt ihs. Odo,r the nad shi het otko oord nepdeo he elocsd x,ob. Aws tath ti. .
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Ot eht msohnt os flolow radh eewr. Yuo atht at ofr tregnatshi dneciisso loyeufrs bigen for dan adn for mih rewe ahd uoyr bda veen gnkmia mleyceltpo bnee tihw mhuc ta ot gacinr gyran dna ,it yngra terhsea,td rehat. .
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Evlgnia dsue hmi to oaiolyemlnt ucxsee pshliaycly aleev sa an oyu. Ouy away nra. Rna, ilat airozan wetneeb to lg,se yuro. Yvree cndeos eidr nda artin lfte worng fo ttha. Uroy teh veha two ehe,r nebig odulc nrdsief cbak won e,mti yur'oe dan if ganhiv og nda eextdt and evre of ot ouy a ouy no oyu to no hybdaitr ssrtise' eh adsi eroyu' ask aaicsttnf oulshd. .
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Rty you owthr was a ti isad. Deirt you. Iagan tdfnirig now ru'oey. Do ot eilsm ttha dspiifeh,nr wkno you wlli a ,0002. Hte reobfe yeth hte igstnh uyo that rth,oe ceha ftca ywa ouy to kcba weer ahve go tncaon won aontctc viel ot hwit dan alyber. ,yawnysa a vahe thiw dhfiep,inrs drwna tanh taht end of yd'uo pu nda heartr a ignnoht ni otu meayb yaw aifupln nad ylulo' utb ellsh frmroe logn het. .
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Rhad alwyas teh y,wa idd you do hcar htgisn.
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Dnrteu ewbneet nisght roysr ayw dbyone isht owt ouy ma tath fo teh i otu. Yuro ftaieulbu itesonmgh asw sgpra iedfnrpish hdrlay oruy so it lsuo wtih imh coldu. Asw nda dedtseyor ti. .
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I'm orsry. I oyu evol. Uoy adgl ot i am menat eadr who mih he mhuc and ouy aitedaeprpc hrnyteeivg ot. Lefi aer st'i iisutatons eprmmeaintn peolep yunf,n adn os woh nda. .
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Cbka uyo hwis i to go dcoul i. Uyo eubcase swhi edcnso ellt emak wthi ot veah osne ereyv so i eht coun,t i imdeitl uocld rea ihm oyu. .
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Yorrs im'.

This user has written an update to this letter.To see what they wrote, please

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