A letter from July 31st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Hello. This night a year ago you were violently kicked out from your only safe place in this world and your heart broke. It was around this time you made that really obvious cut on your arm that no one even asked you about. Has the scar faded at all? It was a time filled with so much sadness and crying in public places and late nights trapped in cigarette smoke. This night right now you are filled with overwhelming sadness. The career you fought so hard for just a year ago is now something you can't wait to throw away. You couldn't keep your promise to quit smoking and you haven't gotten any healthier. You are feeling so alone right now and you are so scared of the future. Something snapped within you and nothing excites you anymore. I pray that all this has changed. Hopefully you are still surrounded by the people who mean the most to you. Are you finally doing something good for the ones who need it more? Have you fallen in love and maybe had your heart broken again? Have you travelled to new places and collected stories you will never stop sharing? You recently came back from a trip to Taiwan. I want to remind you of your last night there, when we sped up the mountain on motorbikes and drank coffee to the sounds of our own laughter. I hope life has been kind enough to bless you with more good memories like these, too many to count. I hope your parents are finally getting the retirement they so deserve in a place they love. Is Mama finally back home with her favourite breakfast, the farms and the wet market? Are your brothers doing alright for themselves? My wish for you now is that life does not torment you. That the ruts you find yourself in are shallow and you grow immensely as a person. If you are reading this, hopefully you are laughing at how the years between us has made the sad memories almost painless. I have no idea what I'm doing in life but maybe you do. That's all I need right now to keep going.

Epilogue

3 months later

Hello!

It's us again. Reading this made me smile, then made me cry again. I'm finding it very difficult to find the words to reply to this, but here it...

Osge. .
.
Eno het erwe on here t,o ear irhwehevc lal uyo rssca oury rgrnferie ltlsi ra,m. My lislt res,arfmo 'iev eaht wnod a etiltl hiugntoc enrbko pelpeo ubt i eenb. Iths astp hwne of as ttha e,lra tbu wno i teh aecseps efil lyida ,lsatom i ym i intdd' hent ehva am so tponi ieemotmss at to lgsfenie nkiht yukcl wnek i rmof my i nad eewr snerimasgbra eht hatt heva rade. Emyesmnli ei'v ondw cut ti tiuq enhta'v nsigm,ko i hgtohlua. Iehrehlat is noly ym uyrtcnelr ni vtmnninereo i eeubcas am of teh eyltsfiel ilvngi. Efle yad,s em i nraymoe nad stedo'n ixctee slitl leik meso flie. Poeh jtsu i llca nad ti eno ydsa si tmeh tnex adb yasulul etr,bet nad si het. .
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Eomdv ntid'd i and coem aywa bkac. 'asntw i ouy a,htt kthni kf,cu ybmea ixeptnecg ucaes etenw'r. Owudl nad fi you essryuilo tltlei leif eben nwek iv'e ehva mbaey oesht heer 4 sesl ry,ase a tknea asw uoy ,sayre omgnci htwa 4. Sedhrdnu meda dan rp,yteo in of of nfresid anld meth ot it the eth udnof aedm amsder dna uyo spahe unioalctinnod way, ,etur of oangl ovel. R,yeas os ript os 4 oeplep a reyecltn ees to i i us no uroepe, dan ewnt all whit os ew ni erwe yphap est,ucroni ohw eth in fdtneefir apst pu aynm to met mead defrnsi mnya. Ear edlvo so ew. Asw orwgn anvie aawy oot you ot sonepr teh aklw adn in ithw lfel eovl. Udrsg ifdn gominks nidgo d,wee dan eht lla rigdnnik we tetsrda cuold oto mhuc. Iutq ttha 'evi lla wno. Oeestimsm a i atth dgoo utp lelyra hiws nvere it i saw ,slsoen ubt htuohrg us kcfu. A nad i hrwee koto ogln sday back lstil iemt ma gte to ti eosm o,wn to tulgesgr i. Muhc us eht a eth on ot leki mceo casrs dad cetpca will to slta tath rsacs imt,fiele i've ftel ocme ttah fmor. Eyht i elvi reeasi yalrel etg ihwt pohe to. .
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Nad upt even snwe moensoe life ihwt lehiw thiw faret your uyo lfel velo ni ot ouy rdiblue oyu doog the ahtt, lal si, tdeir up. Het wolrd mots mna yuo yees mi,h rtaeseru wehomos h,eotarn woh is os dail ro eldik eht mofr ttha no entmmo proesn oudfn h,to teh uyo gfuiknc uoy ni onw ouy eno. Mhet ntinagw lgano ouy pnehpdea esh' ti oen a srmpioe io,parnishlet mcea of enwh m,iet anaig, eon dgoo r'etwne a arhetno you stih i ubt. Teranl ym fro su e,sslon i. Ahve kepe a i and emit esakd knith rebtet prartne i cdut'onl shit him lw'le ofr. .
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Nda i'm gipennredt oodhlihdc ot tse aghul i eenk ehs nxte erh erp,aceld need mho,e terrei des'tno nad oru oggin ddas' lles cyr so ouabt hwcih ot dtn'o msum' raey. Hnew did i hemt ythe s,tivi meac ehalgutr a asw and thob adn ntmoh arest a herte goa ees rof. Awht teh hwit hr,ae rlatigh mfro ni etsta trhseorb tamsol i i rowdl esne the mhte ae'vhtn ghlothau esary of rea 3 eht. I'll be onso heom hhugto. .
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Rmntoeted ahs lief su. E,olepp micraatd tshta' saye llyamten nad yawasl kaoy eerw' bnee sghnit otn adn tub 'nhaetv ltmneayoli,o. Agnlo yaw ghtsieh as eth a had adn dan gwnro oru oswl rpen,so ewstlo gihhs so 'eewv cumh. Aaltyulc ievdl we. Hsa flie bene ul,lf to gdoo also nad su. Eriemsom, eth a das btu erbtet olt chea aer not sispurngliyr, rdedstnanu naiesp,ls eth onw i. I'm ewe'r oingd, tilsl sisememto wayyna heav utb aeid tsih ynineojg i on twah. Utb ,meti it fo ni ibt oncghios eth is feturu hrete a phat ldan dna ofr ti's erhe rytpe,o knaet a go o,wn adn a to fo i'm owdn fo ,pelh otl rsamed a adn. Lorgne s,i tpra eelf we stbe on nolae teh. .

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