A letter from July 31st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Hello. This night a year ago you were violently kicked out from your only safe place in this world and your heart broke. It was around this time you made that really obvious cut on your arm that no one even asked you about. Has the scar faded at all? It was a time filled with so much sadness and crying in public places and late nights trapped in cigarette smoke. This night right now you are filled with overwhelming sadness. The career you fought so hard for just a year ago is now something you can't wait to throw away. You couldn't keep your promise to quit smoking and you haven't gotten any healthier. You are feeling so alone right now and you are so scared of the future. Something snapped within you and nothing excites you anymore. I pray that all this has changed. Hopefully you are still surrounded by the people who mean the most to you. Are you finally doing something good for the ones who need it more? Have you fallen in love and maybe had your heart broken again? Have you travelled to new places and collected stories you will never stop sharing? You recently came back from a trip to Taiwan. I want to remind you of your last night there, when we sped up the mountain on motorbikes and drank coffee to the sounds of our own laughter. I hope life has been kind enough to bless you with more good memories like these, too many to count. I hope your parents are finally getting the retirement they so deserve in a place they love. Is Mama finally back home with her favourite breakfast, the farms and the wet market? Are your brothers doing alright for themselves? My wish for you now is that life does not torment you. That the ruts you find yourself in are shallow and you grow immensely as a person. If you are reading this, hopefully you are laughing at how the years between us has made the sad memories almost painless. I have no idea what I'm doing in life but maybe you do. That's all I need right now to keep going.

Epilogue

3 months later

Hello!

It's us again. Reading this made me smile, then made me cry again. I'm finding it very difficult to find the words to reply to this, but here it...

Oseg. .
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Assrc uryo no oyu ear sllti were oen ra,m rhee lla hvhwecier to, teh irngrfere. Ppolee my a sltil htea gcthuoin i i'ev nokerb ndow lltite tbu neeb fsm,arroe. I tloma,s am taht sthi os onw het lfseengi arel, erew kenw fo yulkc i that nthe aspt ym ewnh daily ym nithk heva vhea i as eimmosste dni'dt ta sgeairrnsabm ot dna tpino life eth i rfmo seapesc tbu dear i. Iqut owdn i ctu loahugth e'iv t'ahnve ,somkgni ynmilmees it. Tyllfseei nmnvotreine itraheelh eht am i of in lyno ilnivg scebeau si tunryrlce my. Eetcix emso os'ndet efli efel keli nda a,dys noryema i tilsl em. Sdya alcl stju hepo teh tmhe xten nad is dab is neo nda ti tee,btr yuualls i. .
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Waay ckba dd'tni dvmoe i cmeo and. Ktihn eterwn' engcexpit that, st'anw uf,kc eabmy i caues uyo. Ulodw twah ttlile eher nktae was 'iev hotes ,sryae 4 lfie ybmae if uoy a ehav 4 knwe lsse ,ysare ouy eenb seilyuros gicmon adn. Danl fo of asmder nicnaolnitodu nad adn dseundrh ethm nalgo ot fnudo of dame teh veol wya, oytpe,r hte enrdifs paehs you ,rtue it in emad. Tme 4 us ifdeftenr ot os a hwo rtip i maed weer yphap no rtyeelcn we ptas pu lla ees dan so in so to tc,irnueos netw hwit anym pleope iefsnrd myna het ni i reeu,op syrae,. Os odevl we ear. Asw waay ot eavni orgnw nad kalw ouy nsrpoe eth vole fell oto ni wiht. Too dikrnngi uchm ldocu ngodi nfdi all dew,e eht knosmgi and we esdrtta rgusd. Atht iv'e lla nwo uqti. Leraly i misstoeme verne lsnoes, i hwsi utb saw a htat kucf tpu uoghrht odgo us ti. I nda etg no,w okto days miet i it erehw ma siltl a segtgulr ackb ot long smeo to. Iti,emfle ltfe cuhm wlli omfr a mcoe no scasr htat the eht e'iv ot rscas htat to ecpcat meoc elki dad su atsl. Ethy tiwh to egt ivel isaeer elalyr i phoe. .
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Uyo trefa ni you yrou tpu dogo dan pu loev htat, eevn lfei edtir wsen edrlubi osmenoe hte to hweil efll thiw i,s oyu htwi all. Oyu espnro hwmsooe os eyse mots no idla oyu rdlwo het ndofu eth in is wno mnmote giuckfn mih, orfm nma orehtn,a taht neo uoy ohw ,oht rraseuet uyo hte ro eklid. Came wgntani eprsmio it hits e'sh rne'ewt fo nairehiotls,p ernoath ,temi gdoo emth tub eno hewn i nlago a penadpeh oen uyo ouy aniga, a. Us reatln i ym ssnloe, rof. Siht i teim eerbtt nduclto' hmi a i taenrrp wle'l and orf kadse kepe ahev nhikt. .
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Ot her nod't eayr xnte touab endirentpg ycr 'mi set ,mhoe and and eenk ells seh dnee nsote'd uro halug ichwh ms'mu ggino i s'dda ohhlcdiod pedcl,rea so to reeitr. Ago ehnw i a mhte nmoht ese nad ddi was a htey uarheglt acem ehrte nda rfo tbho rstea its,vi. Ettas tahghlou tmoals the awth i het 3 ethm i wiht lhigatr aryse rmof in bhtorers ense ldowr het e'vatnh are h,era fo. Eb ehom uogthh ill' snoo. .
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Lefi tertomend hsa su. Lasyaw nhtigs he'vatn eeol,pp ati,eloylmon ditcaamr e'wer yoka nad ubt tmlneyla seya nda eebn s'htat ton. And nda 'vewe sop,enr nogwr ruo a os wosl ahd yaw sighh sa onagl eht westlo gihshte mhuc. Vdeli lulctaya ew. Nad ash eebn us oogd losa eifl full, to. Saunterddn eth haec tol rbteet e,ssnlaip i now era liisgury,nspr utb sda a eht tno mi,roseme. Awayny tub twha veha im' id,gno e'rew msisteome nyinjgeo i daie hsit tilsl on. Lhp,e tlo fo eerh nda dan a ti aldn 'ist a tfureu of of dna mt,ie honoigsc y,peotr orf hatp in a drmesa to reeht tub teh now, is a wdon ktaen og itb m'i. Rapt eogrnl aenol tebs teh i,s eelf ew no. .

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