A letter from July 31st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Hello. This night a year ago you were violently kicked out from your only safe place in this world and your heart broke. It was around this time you made that really obvious cut on your arm that no one even asked you about. Has the scar faded at all? It was a time filled with so much sadness and crying in public places and late nights trapped in cigarette smoke. This night right now you are filled with overwhelming sadness. The career you fought so hard for just a year ago is now something you can't wait to throw away. You couldn't keep your promise to quit smoking and you haven't gotten any healthier. You are feeling so alone right now and you are so scared of the future. Something snapped within you and nothing excites you anymore. I pray that all this has changed. Hopefully you are still surrounded by the people who mean the most to you. Are you finally doing something good for the ones who need it more? Have you fallen in love and maybe had your heart broken again? Have you travelled to new places and collected stories you will never stop sharing? You recently came back from a trip to Taiwan. I want to remind you of your last night there, when we sped up the mountain on motorbikes and drank coffee to the sounds of our own laughter. I hope life has been kind enough to bless you with more good memories like these, too many to count. I hope your parents are finally getting the retirement they so deserve in a place they love. Is Mama finally back home with her favourite breakfast, the farms and the wet market? Are your brothers doing alright for themselves? My wish for you now is that life does not torment you. That the ruts you find yourself in are shallow and you grow immensely as a person. If you are reading this, hopefully you are laughing at how the years between us has made the sad memories almost painless. I have no idea what I'm doing in life but maybe you do. That's all I need right now to keep going.

Epilogue

3 months later

Hello!

It's us again. Reading this made me smile, then made me cry again. I'm finding it very difficult to find the words to reply to this, but here it...

Esog. .
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All no rrigrenef sitll rchevihwe yuo rae erew one t,o mar, hte ssacr yuor reeh. Tslil nrobke giouchtn ltteil tbu eeplop wodn nbee eiv' a smaeor,rf i thae ym. Caseesp as my dan moietmses were i enwk ahev aydli nwo ta i arde hte thne ma fo have i tub ,omtasl henw i siht ylukc lr,ae ym id'dnt os astp eesiflng rrnaimbeasgs ktinh oiptn rmfo the ot ilef that hatt i. Eilemsnmy evi' giokn,ms itqu i ctu ti olghtuah tveahn' dwon. In ylno hte enemnnotvri rthaleeih of si liseeyflt esbcuea my utrreylcn liinvg i am. Dna like sillt flei me i eefl ayd,s yrnoaem eiecxt msoe eotsnd'. Hte i bda ydsa nda it uuyalls just one acll be,ettr meht nda si extn peoh is. .
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Cmoe ddn'it cbak i omdev away and. Inxteegcp usaec ee'wrtn nhtki byeam a'wtns at,th ukfc, i ouy. Ouy wsa ocginm ekant suysroile vi'e 4 4 theso a syae,r lwudo e,yrsa lefi uyo ewkn dna lses eneb if lttile vhae eehr bayme thaw. Of noudf aedm fo levo eo,tpry hte rdseam nad y,wa ter,u htem deam angol drsuhedn in of you itnliudnoocan esahp adn rdisnfe ot ti het nlad. Ynam to ptir i pats fefrindte i us to in nwet ,reasy ew ees ,eeupro pphya ewer osuerct,in and whit aymn 4 eirfsnd lal eadm emt on os pu a peoepl yrntleec hwo so ni os teh. Era os we evold. Yawa was lvoe vaeni lawk flle in to oerpns ouy and eth gowrn oto hiwt. Ikogmns drgus oot dtaster kirndign ndfi dna we cmhu olucd dngoi deew, hte all. Wno all atth ve'i qitu. Gohuthr it ayerll i atht su hiws cfku vnere osn,sel a i ogdo btu smsemoiet wsa ptu. Rehwe tsgregul ot gnol i esom it won, am okot asyd a eimt istll to i get and cbka. Atht scsra ocme ot e'iv ltas add keli ltfe ttha su a no rascs ot the moec tapcec lilw eht cmuh fmro m,fitieel. I get ot elraly eivl sereai tihw epoh eyht. .
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Yuo iertd efll ni neve dan oryu ouy eifl hwti tup senw teh a,tth i,s frtea eduribl ogdo to oelv lla ihtw uoy osenemo up wihel. Kfgcuni oen etraseur uoy eosmohw uodfn so yuo anm mmtneo or alid syee now you het oepsrn uyo ostm is ni ahtt tho, no rfmo ,ihm teh hte h,anoetr hwo likde lordw. A ,aigan i btu amce a e'hs etrn'we t,ime glona one irspmeo tsih doog oen pnehedap it hewn of aehontr lr,ienhisptoa uoy iwgntan uoy meht. Us my oslnes, orf i lnater. A aesdk hvae i ihm adn ekep for i arnprte hntik rebtet ndcoltu' meit itsh wle'l. .
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Irtree uro reh ets xten eohm, auhlg mi' umsm' 'ondt she lels s'tedon so i ds'ad gnietdnper auobt deen year cihhw ggoin dan nad ekne hdchodiol to rcy pc,rleead ot. Idd a ago teyh ,tvisi eamc rtsea i adn a rof dan tehre hotb was tmhe see wenh tmonh elahugtr. Hlgiatr hwti of het srhtrobe sene hatouglh vneath' rmfo owdrl oltsma ayser ni eth the i meht 3 athw har,e tseat are i. Otghuh hemo onos ll'i be. .
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Iefl has su tteernmod. Yloei,omanlt ton yoka gishtn trmdciaa hta'evn nad utb dna eyas lepepo, thsta' ltnyalem sawyla 'reew eenb. Nda nloag heghist teh as hsigh nad a our umhc olsw nowrg way so adh ew've npe,osr lwoets. We aulatylc eivdl. Sha us good iefl u,lfl oals dan to bene. Mreo,smie ubt i rtdunsaend a das prsuyislnrig, onw ehca teh lssaepi,n rea tno tbrete teh otl. Im' edai what no btu naaywy lstli eavh ee'rw yijenngo i tmsieomse hits ,ondgi. Orf of hree a it ni eht fo dnow a lnad a ot adn i'st hepl, eatnk of but tol is ibt o,wn 'mi hpat typoe,r uteufr trhee a nad em,ti and ongchois draesm go. Eth tesb fele on we nroelg enola s,i aptr. .

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