A letter from July 31st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Hello. This night a year ago you were violently kicked out from your only safe place in this world and your heart broke. It was around this time you made that really obvious cut on your arm that no one even asked you about. Has the scar faded at all? It was a time filled with so much sadness and crying in public places and late nights trapped in cigarette smoke. This night right now you are filled with overwhelming sadness. The career you fought so hard for just a year ago is now something you can't wait to throw away. You couldn't keep your promise to quit smoking and you haven't gotten any healthier. You are feeling so alone right now and you are so scared of the future. Something snapped within you and nothing excites you anymore. I pray that all this has changed. Hopefully you are still surrounded by the people who mean the most to you. Are you finally doing something good for the ones who need it more? Have you fallen in love and maybe had your heart broken again? Have you travelled to new places and collected stories you will never stop sharing? You recently came back from a trip to Taiwan. I want to remind you of your last night there, when we sped up the mountain on motorbikes and drank coffee to the sounds of our own laughter. I hope life has been kind enough to bless you with more good memories like these, too many to count. I hope your parents are finally getting the retirement they so deserve in a place they love. Is Mama finally back home with her favourite breakfast, the farms and the wet market? Are your brothers doing alright for themselves? My wish for you now is that life does not torment you. That the ruts you find yourself in are shallow and you grow immensely as a person. If you are reading this, hopefully you are laughing at how the years between us has made the sad memories almost painless. I have no idea what I'm doing in life but maybe you do. That's all I need right now to keep going.

Epilogue

3 months later

Hello!

It's us again. Reading this made me smile, then made me cry again. I'm finding it very difficult to find the words to reply to this, but here it...

Oesg. .
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Srcas ma,r erhe slitl rrfreineg t,o lal hcihevrwe era eerw yuo eno on ouyr eht. A been ym orbnek contighu ilstl tetlil orrmfse,a i 'eiv nodw eolppe thae ubt. Tbu ldayi imosemtse as nekw so cpsasee glefisen of i het flie ttah tl,moas ,eral tath ipnto 'idndt erad i i my cukyl adn onw form ta hinkt igmsabsernar nhwe hits atsp veah am ym i i to teh have tnhe rwee. Nwod uct it konm,sgi vnat'he uathglho i ei'v tuqi emilsenym. Besueac ilvngi merivtnnoen am si my of lnyo eynuclrtr eht heelhatir ni i llstfyeei. Yaonmer i neo'sdt tslli fiel keil itcxee y,asd fele nad mseo me. Phoe is si ysad txen utjs clla ti ,terbte dba ulasylu thme nad nad eht i eon. .
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I kacb odvem yaaw moce tdi'nd adn. Uoy eaybm i nertw'e ,fuck th,ta swna't xeincetpg hinkt seacu. Enwk 4 ouy a eenb esyrisluo ekant uoy rseay, itellt hree 4 haev hawt sehot v'ei arsy,e slse ignomc bmaye fi and ilfe wsa dlouw. Eamd ndal dame sdhuednr of dlooannticiun er,ut fo oevl the aepsh and eo,ytrp aw,y to of it ni eht oagln foudn etmh eisdnfr adn mdrsae yuo. Deftierfn os tsap sr,yea oere,up whti phypa all 4 myna cneetyrl a we up no ees to nesfdir i us dna mte ot so ohw ni oeppel ortciu,ens irpt aynm in os eewr i amed tenw eht. Aer os ew olvde. Het oelv ianev rnpsoe lkwa asw ni yawa ihwt to uoy wonrg oto nda lfel. Indikngr the much taertsd osngmik dnif ew lduco nad iodgn wdee, urdgs lal too. Iev' lal nwo iuqt ttha. Oes,nls tbu i hthgoru ogod put i ahtt a fkcu su ernev saw oetmiesms ti lyreal shiw. It lngo teg tugeglsr lislt cakb meso mite took nda i w,no ot am ot a i erewh syda. Ot us mcoe no mfor eth lsat ptecca lilw a omec mhcu add eth crssa asscr to eftl that v'ei ikle taht fi,mielet. Eaersi opeh llyare leiv i to twhi get tyhe. .
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In lal lefl vene you wthi uoy elfi ruoy t,tha and ot olve you ,si upt snew emsoeon dgoo arfte idelurb pu etrid with teh ehiwl. Ifcugnk in ttah seye yuo ohw is owrld i,hm hn,teroa ho,t os kdeil yuo nofdu noe hemoswo ilda het osmt or teh nwo morf nsrpeo nam the mmteon asetreur oyu no uyo. Ngalo im,et a riinohse,patl fo horaent you htsi 'hes hwen eno a mhte aiagn, aphednep ignnawt oogd one it you i utb weer'tn eiospmr cmae. Ertnal su rof enss,lo i my. Aehv a tihs btteer fro nkthi i mtei o'ludnct epke akeds and i elwl' him earrnpt. .
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Cple,eard yrc ayer xnte rou im' ggoni i ot tieerr galhu dda's tuboa dnee nda to ehr nntdepreig ells msmu' so ehs he,mo cdilhhodo nda 'edonts est ihhcw dn'ot nkee. Hmte i ,tsvii terhe fro tbho see asw nda eamc and wnhe mnoht hyte ddi a gao a aters hglrteua. Tseta 3 eesn i ofmr tmeh owldr haltrig eht yrase the h'venat h,rae in seohrbrt rea eth twhi i awht ltomas of htagluoh. Moeh huoght be onso 'lil. .
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Us sah elfi dnoetretm. Hsntig 'tthsa erw'e nad syaawl yalo,tnemoli acatrmid otn ,opplee ubt ebne ynlaemlt ayse adn evt'ahn yako. A wya so hishg wsol gworn had as rou nad isgheht telsow w'eev p,eonrs cmhu ngaol nad hte. Tayalluc we veild. Oogd slao lfu,l lfei to su nebe hsa nda. Sad hte tretbe tno rea a tol reomemsi, s,eainlps i wno teh each utb urlnsyrigs,ip udanetsrnd. Have hawt wre'e stlli edai but i onigd, etemsimso tihs 'im on nwyyaa ynejgoni. A oiohsngc ereth ,tmie a tfueru is hte hapt ple,h admser dan dan dna lto to of s'it go ,onw ,pretoy tub fro a bit aektn fo mi' ti a here of land ni onwd. No rapt ,si het we aeoln nelorg ebts fele. .

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