A letter from July 31st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Hello. This night a year ago you were violently kicked out from your only safe place in this world and your heart broke. It was around this time you made that really obvious cut on your arm that no one even asked you about. Has the scar faded at all? It was a time filled with so much sadness and crying in public places and late nights trapped in cigarette smoke. This night right now you are filled with overwhelming sadness. The career you fought so hard for just a year ago is now something you can't wait to throw away. You couldn't keep your promise to quit smoking and you haven't gotten any healthier. You are feeling so alone right now and you are so scared of the future. Something snapped within you and nothing excites you anymore. I pray that all this has changed. Hopefully you are still surrounded by the people who mean the most to you. Are you finally doing something good for the ones who need it more? Have you fallen in love and maybe had your heart broken again? Have you travelled to new places and collected stories you will never stop sharing? You recently came back from a trip to Taiwan. I want to remind you of your last night there, when we sped up the mountain on motorbikes and drank coffee to the sounds of our own laughter. I hope life has been kind enough to bless you with more good memories like these, too many to count. I hope your parents are finally getting the retirement they so deserve in a place they love. Is Mama finally back home with her favourite breakfast, the farms and the wet market? Are your brothers doing alright for themselves? My wish for you now is that life does not torment you. That the ruts you find yourself in are shallow and you grow immensely as a person. If you are reading this, hopefully you are laughing at how the years between us has made the sad memories almost painless. I have no idea what I'm doing in life but maybe you do. That's all I need right now to keep going.

Epilogue

3 months later

Hello!

It's us again. Reading this made me smile, then made me cry again. I'm finding it very difficult to find the words to reply to this, but here it...

Ogse. .
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All eth eehvrwhci rae rouy hree uyo iltsl ewer ot, noe asrsc no fnrregrie r,am. Uhoicntg still i eelpop eneb my ehta norbek dwno btu s,rmrfeoa a eilltt vie'. Cylku htat soetiesmm of tihs hwne ttha at i pats eht tdnd'i dera i os i hnte as to enflegsi own i hinkt am dylai i haev fiel omfr hte niegrassmbar eerw cesseap loa,mst but nda my ym ipotn hvea a,ler ewnk. Uct i 'ive wodn nsigm,ko ti h'etavn ltgauhho quti eiynmlmes. Eliahhter ma esyflitle i lretcyurn lingiv ni ecseaub my olny rnovmeentni fo the si. Elef eoms neot'sd dna xictee llits asd,y eifl monryae klie me i. Ti tmeh nad sdya si and i peoh adb txne het lcal is ylalusu trete,b ujst neo. .
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Mceo oedmv i idt'nd ayaw akcb dna. Fku,c kihnt i secau 'wrntee you yemab ecipexngt tnsa'w ,taht. Uoy othes slse myaeb 'ive yas,er twah fi a efli titlel vhea 4 knwe eneb 4 ereh mgconi wsa ouy ylusorsie tanke dan wdluo se,ary. Uyo daem mrsaed lgano lnda to hte hdsrnedu in pehsa irnedsf it nudfo dniolincntoau hmte of yw,a fo pryteo, nda of e,urt dna amed lvoe teh. See asrye, ndtrfieef mte ewer su in pu daem tasp ot tnwe eht a lla 4 os so no esfinrd os i ni lepope anym ew ro,euep ohw tecyelnr usnotire,c myna to pahyp nad prit i wthi. Lovde ear ew os. Nad lwka oot nrowg aienv to veol teh wyaa ellf you nprseo wtih wsa in. We uhmc cluod all tardtes kmniosg gsudr eht dnif and nknidgri ngoid oot ,wdee. Lla ive' won uitq ttah. Hgturho sl,onse godo i taht saw a ti us i evern fcku aeyllr whsi estismemo utb put. I ti acbk ot dasy osem long nad to teg otok am wn,o i etmi a rweeh sltil gtgrelus. Ttha us evi' tlef kiel a no elmtiif,e taht dad mhcu crsas hte cmoe to tpccea rscsa illw ecom aslt ot morf the. Erllay hitw ohep gte yteh i ot sieear eivl. .
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A,htt evne trfea uoy thwi ni si, up hleiw mnseoeo all rouy iwht dgoo uyo to elfl ptu ouy senw life the reitd dan evol eurldbi. Yuo o,th oenmmt tosm yuo ohw nma noe moseohw dklie teh rtaeseru os fndou incugkf si oyu hte ni on ilda romf or ouy nwo eht ,mhi ehrnat,o atth seey wodrl esornp. Tish epneahpd ecam ouy tbu ewnh of raneoth ti i a m,ite one rente'w yuo gn,aia oglan a mrsiope s'eh neprtis,ahiol dogo emht oen nganwit. My i ns,seol tranle ofr us. Emit rof clo'nutd teterb ihtkn a i mih eavh kpee nda shti kdaes i lwle' trrnaep. .
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Enek hhdidlcoo ehs to yrc nod't niogg and usmm' ells est mi' cpra,leed uro m,eoh dnee hwich reh ptegidennr i to os and next ne'ostd eary aobut ietrer 'sadd glahu. Yeht wnhe i emht a eacm rof ddi dna adn a oga ghtluear svii,t nomth artes ees eerht saw boht. Yaser i rae omrf hawt tmhe ahre, in i slmtao seen ohalhugt wrdlo arlgtih tesat tev'ahn hte 3 the eht tihw of soretrhb. Thguho home nsoo 'ill eb. .
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Sah fiel mrottedne su. Eneb otn loleytnam,io yoak llemntya aaslwy hvea'tn w'ere cirtamad peepo,l ihtnsg yesa tahts' and utb nda. Dna esopnr, os uor hda ithhegs lsteow as the lnaog a wosl hsigh hmcu worng ayw dna w'eve. Ulaactly eldiv ew. Lf,ul fiel oogd us nbee to adn sha sola. Won sda ailepnss, ton i srnyrlsi,gupi iomsrm,ee het etebrt ehac teh ubt duennrsadt rea tlo a. But hvea htis ngonjeyi ayywna lltis on twah ew'er im' i eida dgo,ni osmsmetie. Iet,m it rehet nda l,peh tol to,rype go a and hisconog het tahp a t'si a dmeasr utb dna heer i'm bti orf to si aketn a dwno in adln of fo fo utreuf w,no. The elef patr ,is lgenor ew aneol on btse. .

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