A letter from July 31st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Hello. This night a year ago you were violently kicked out from your only safe place in this world and your heart broke. It was around this time you made that really obvious cut on your arm that no one even asked you about. Has the scar faded at all? It was a time filled with so much sadness and crying in public places and late nights trapped in cigarette smoke. This night right now you are filled with overwhelming sadness. The career you fought so hard for just a year ago is now something you can't wait to throw away. You couldn't keep your promise to quit smoking and you haven't gotten any healthier. You are feeling so alone right now and you are so scared of the future. Something snapped within you and nothing excites you anymore. I pray that all this has changed. Hopefully you are still surrounded by the people who mean the most to you. Are you finally doing something good for the ones who need it more? Have you fallen in love and maybe had your heart broken again? Have you travelled to new places and collected stories you will never stop sharing? You recently came back from a trip to Taiwan. I want to remind you of your last night there, when we sped up the mountain on motorbikes and drank coffee to the sounds of our own laughter. I hope life has been kind enough to bless you with more good memories like these, too many to count. I hope your parents are finally getting the retirement they so deserve in a place they love. Is Mama finally back home with her favourite breakfast, the farms and the wet market? Are your brothers doing alright for themselves? My wish for you now is that life does not torment you. That the ruts you find yourself in are shallow and you grow immensely as a person. If you are reading this, hopefully you are laughing at how the years between us has made the sad memories almost painless. I have no idea what I'm doing in life but maybe you do. That's all I need right now to keep going.

Epilogue

3 months later

Hello!

It's us again. Reading this made me smile, then made me cry again. I'm finding it very difficult to find the words to reply to this, but here it...

Sgoe. .
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Ewre sasrc lla to, reeh eon efnrgrrei ouy iwchevher a,rm sllit no royu rae eth. Nbee ,emfoasrr taeh eoeppl i htiuocng ttleli utb ym litls 'vie ekornb nwdo a. Tnkih elr,a i ta os i mfro ptoni bmngiasarers to mtal,so i etnh reda fo now ym wenk ma otmemessi nda isth lckuy ydail eesacsp i eht btu dn'itd evha eifl wneh atht ahtt the haev as egefilsn i ewre ym tpas. I 'naetvh othhglau komg,ins 'vie quit wdon ti eimynelms cut. Eltelfysi of enrmtonniev is noly ni aheeihrlt the my i eebcsau ma inlvig eynrctrul. Efel yeramon em i tills like eosm not'sde dan efli eexict yas,d. I si si call etnx bda etmh dan nad het noe uuaslly juts ehop dysa it ete,rtb. .
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Waya ntd'id i cmoe evmdo acbk dna. Rwtee'n a,tht kfcu, ueacs inkht myeba i uoy eigcnptex 'taswn. Oimcgn and naket leif eayrs, 'evi ,yreas 4 if ltleti ouy uwdol osliesyur rehe atwh heav sels soeth ewnk 4 saw eaybm ebne a uoy. Of ti ethm mdae elov renhdsud unofd dnferis amde hasep yrpto,e nad teh nagol of wy,a teh dnla nad iituocnondaln of smrdea in to yuo tu,re. Prti ot i ewer adn on os rey,sa so ni eepolp all etlrcyen ot nurtecs,oi i rnfesid see so tiwh ffiertend mte pu stpa e,oprue nmay 4 mayn teh ew aemd in a aphpy wtne us how. Vleod era we so. To ihtw aayw dan oto kwla het rwngo senrop yuo was voel in lfel aenvi. Adn mnosgik gidon ocdul we all nfid too mhuc igkdrnni rstaetd rgdus eht ew,de. I've iqut won lal htat. A etssmmoie thta ti ogdo i asw reayll oe,lssn hwsi ervne us kfcu i put uhorght btu. Kbca meit sllit aysd a ot nda ow,n ot suegrlgt ti get i osme i eerhw am glon ktoo. Come wlil ltfe a on eht form lef,emiti cemo us that asscr rascs astl atht ot eht ot dda liek hcum aeptcc v'ie. Yhte raeeis ielv eohp hitw i egt to laryel. .
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Oyu in up uoyr eenv fetra s,i upt uyo yuo ot diret oodg voel tihw elif het wlhie adn ruliebd eneomos att,h ithw all nesw llef. Dlia so oyu onpser si onudf kldei nwo htta mfor ni omts otrahn,e nma him, ,toh hte uoy no momtne eohoswm teh eth uyo hwo or noe you eeys eustearr rwdlo gfkcniu. Eacm tihs siempro algno tearonh nanitwg oogd uoy hasionteipl,r a oen of ti agna,i utb nwhe e'sh i neo you meth ewnet'r dhnepape emi,t a. My su i lnoess, naterl for. I ofr and shti teebtr aevh a 'ewll ntihk dkase cn'utdlo i hmi eekp aetnprr tmei. .
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Seh dhlioohdc set enke arye adn giong m'i 'musm ruo lesl os to eden lpecdra,e mhe,o ycr hwcih i nt'od utoba rhe piretndgne erteir uaglh da'ds to tnxe sed'tno dna. Eatlurhg dna wehn hetre swa a eyht retas nhotm ceam a did i nad oga ohtb its,vi ees for hemt. Rea somatl vn'ahte hwta i thigrla 3 setat esne sryae eht morf of h,rae eth i borshtre lword mteh eht with ni oaghluth. Hmoe hhugot onso be li'l. .
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Ash ifel su mottdrnee. H'astt nhgist ont dan 'taenhv ysea erew' iyoato,lneml akyo dna ,lpopee nbee awalys utb amacdirt aletnylm. Awy 'veew hte hda gishh toswel nda nalgo rgnwo dan uor lows hcum a opsenr, os sa hthseig. Idelv ew aalycult. Ot lu,fl dgoo ahs eben su oasl adn efil. I ache lsgirypn,irus a eht era e,sremmio utb ieslanp,s lto aenntuddrs teh otn asd etbrte nwo. On,idg ewre' daie but i im' ioyegjnn semsmetio have no hatw nwayay sltil ihts. Tib eatnk it a ofr eht fteuru of ehre ot in dna htpa epy,tro dnal etim, fo a si 'im dnow p,hle aedsrm lot trehe ist' adn btu onw, dan go gnhoscio a a of. Lfee teh si, naoel rgoenl no rpta etbs we. .

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