A letter from July 31st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Hello. This night a year ago you were violently kicked out from your only safe place in this world and your heart broke. It was around this time you made that really obvious cut on your arm that no one even asked you about. Has the scar faded at all? It was a time filled with so much sadness and crying in public places and late nights trapped in cigarette smoke. This night right now you are filled with overwhelming sadness. The career you fought so hard for just a year ago is now something you can't wait to throw away. You couldn't keep your promise to quit smoking and you haven't gotten any healthier. You are feeling so alone right now and you are so scared of the future. Something snapped within you and nothing excites you anymore. I pray that all this has changed. Hopefully you are still surrounded by the people who mean the most to you. Are you finally doing something good for the ones who need it more? Have you fallen in love and maybe had your heart broken again? Have you travelled to new places and collected stories you will never stop sharing? You recently came back from a trip to Taiwan. I want to remind you of your last night there, when we sped up the mountain on motorbikes and drank coffee to the sounds of our own laughter. I hope life has been kind enough to bless you with more good memories like these, too many to count. I hope your parents are finally getting the retirement they so deserve in a place they love. Is Mama finally back home with her favourite breakfast, the farms and the wet market? Are your brothers doing alright for themselves? My wish for you now is that life does not torment you. That the ruts you find yourself in are shallow and you grow immensely as a person. If you are reading this, hopefully you are laughing at how the years between us has made the sad memories almost painless. I have no idea what I'm doing in life but maybe you do. That's all I need right now to keep going.

Epilogue

3 months later

Hello!

It's us again. Reading this made me smile, then made me cry again. I'm finding it very difficult to find the words to reply to this, but here it...

Gose. .
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Noe no eewr lal rfiergenr you eehchivrw the ,arm aer rhee uroy lsilt to, csras. Llist i my ugnhocti etllit bnreko heta ubt owdn ei'v oelepp neeb a emrfoasr,. Tdi'dn that ym ams,tol ehva inpot tneh i i and lar,e ilef avhe ehwn mearnaigbssr as seaepsc read isth ym eht kcuyl i mtesmeois iflegnse nwo were tpas idaly i knwe fo to form ta i ma eht htat khtin utb so. I yimmnelse iqut halhtugo v'ei evhnt'a ctu dwno it g,osnkmi. Votrennemni nlyo eeauscb am fitsllyee ym i het arheethli in is uyercltnr fo lviign. Ixcete stlli me oenst'd nda klei feli eoms elfe i ysad, namreoy. Is re,ttbe one syad i adn lcal tjsu thme it abd poeh lulauys is nda entx teh. .
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I nd'itd dna demov aawy oemc abkc. Eabym esacu w'ntsa i uoy etwn're ihntk ta,th fuck, gtnpexeic. 4 teillt byema a wtah ,rasye cgiomn uyo eenb eavh ehre oesth you ersoyusil nad ldwou 'iev ewnk tekna 4 aye,rs ifel saw esls fi. Dunfo of lnda to fo veol ptyo,re eht ywa, edam olnag thme ndinoaontluic of adme hpsea eurt, the snfidre deurnhsd ti you and in amdser nad. Apts dan 4 i so emt ni who see eore,up us fesrind ewer tnwe so namy het trip nrftefdie to pu all i iwth no a to we ry,eas nyma elpepo necrytle so ertsno,icu in mead pahpy. So levod ew rae. Awlk uoy rongw eth wyaa evol thiw to ni oto eavin nad wsa efll eonsrp. Find hmcu ew gnrndkii gisomnk ewde, ogdni atedstr oclud grusd teh too lal dna. Lla iqtu ive' onw atth. I toesmmesi rghtouh hswi a ckfu ,snoels su ayrlle i ernev it ahtt upt saw tub ogod. Dan to tlsil it asdy mtei sguglrte werhe meso i nogl am cbak otok a etg n,ow ot i. Teh us lwil ot astl to cmoe klei hte dad ctapce a ormf sarsc cemo ,miielfet sarsc htta hmcu ev'i no ttha tfle. Eraesi iwht hoep yrleal to evil yeht i get. .
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Oogd llfe teh aht,t eevn ilewh uoy s,i oyu faert ot velo lal pu ieurlbd tpu uyo nda omeneso feil yuro ithw retid swen ni wiht. No owh os eyes yuo one saeertur nam oyu ouy edkil eathrno, ro het dail in uyo t,ho nwo mteonm htat owmehos otsm eht hte uondf ihm, rmfo ukcfgni nesorp wolrd is. Ptoerl,iashin of htme oyu hnaeppde im,te i a hretnao nwganit eimsrpo oen oyu cema s'he angia, dogo nogal isht eno but nhwe it r'eenwt a. Nelatr us sle,nos ym fro i. Deska rfo ll'we a etbtre imh eptrarn eekp i dan hvea cdlonut' i eitm sthi nhitk. .
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Gaulh m'ums enke etrier 'noteds yrea hes so i eden i'm to dna oh,em hiwch sdd'a rdapeelc, cry ruo ot 'tnod adn ehr utbao ggoin tnxe idnegneprt tes hdhicdolo slle. It,isv dan rof treeh enhw atres htey oag tmeh ddi i utghrlae eacm bhto a was ohnmt adn ese a. Hmte i slotma hte i of a,erh mrof estbrhro easyr athw esne 3 ttsea utalhhgo dlorw aer hte the aihtrlg in v'eahtn whit. Sono oehm eb thuohg l'il. .
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Ifel us sah enmtedrot. Imtraadc etylnaml reew' asye tub salywa eenb ts'aht oayk adn nto dan ne'vtha elo,epp ighnts eloinotay,ml. Etsihhg ihsgh cmhu orsp,en anogl uro yaw adn tewlos a 'weve had ownrg lwso os sa eth nad. Ldeiv yaualtlc ew. Laso lfei dna ot ul,fl us ash enbe good. Lsei,pans teh cahe asd tub hte betert now a iseommre, uandsetdnr iguslrsiy,prn i ear tlo ton. Aveh tbu nayyaw iead dgoin, e'wer twah siltl ssieteomm shti igjynnoe on i i'm. To og a uturef si ep,hl rmseda rfo rtp,eyo t'si htap ti a wnod nketa lot eth tbu inhosgoc in lnad i'm adn rhee of time, dan ibt heter fo a adn a ,now of. Leef eht rpta ,is no eonglr noela ew stbe. .

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