A letter from July 12th, 2018

Dear FutureMe, Hey girl. It's me. Procrastinating? Pshhh I would never! (okay, fine, you already know that's what I'm doing). I'm currently sitting in the Voices for Children office, sipping on fancy tea and avoiding writing 'Voice of the Week' blog posts. I just felt a sudden urge to reach out to you on this random Thursday morning, because I sense there is something you need to hear. BE BOLD. Yeah. Do it. Whatever that thing is that you are like "SOS should I do this/ step out in faith/ put myself on the line/ be flippin crazy?" God is telling me to tell you, "Yes. Do it." ???Who knows what any of that means or where I will be/who I will be with/ what I'll be doing in a year's time, but here's to boldness you wild child! A little about where I'm at in life right now. Physically: Ya girl is a lil out of shape, but life is too short to avoid ice cream (you already know). I'm currently doing the BBG with Hannah Bennett (love that girl) and I am contemplating running a half marathon?? Let's see if I'm crazy enough to really go through with it. Spiritually: This urge to 'do more' keeps growing larger and larger inside of me. I just want to be more. And by that, I mean I want to be more of a servant to the Father and really start living out my purpose of bringing glory to the Lord. I started going to this church group thingy with Hannah Bennett, and they keep talking about 'fishing' which is this concept where you go in public with the sole motivation to meet people that you can connect with and eventually share the gospel with. Terrifying and weird? Definitely. But I need to start putting myself out there. I'm way too spontaneous and personable to keep sitting back and thinking, "Nah God, I cannot do this", because I definitely can if I rely on Him! Ugh Kiersten, you better not be the same spiritually in a year. Keep growing PLEASE. Also, I have begun to feel a slight tugging on my heart for mission work? Not sure what that is about. People just keep mentioning it to me. I'll keep you updated. This year, I need to make some goals and start really learning the Bible and studying it. I need to treat it like an informal class! How the heck you gonna be preachin the word when you've never even seen it? Come on Kiersten, you are better than this. Let this letter be the push you need. Emotionally: LIFE IS SO GOOD! God has answered my prayers 1000000000000% and given me great friends to rely on and removed the toxic relationships I had last Fall out of my life. Right now, I'm spending a lot of time with Cole, Hannah Bennett, Gloria, Ashley, Cassidy, my Abilene BFFs, Cheyanne, and Caleb. I can't wait to see how these friendships continue to grow next year and see who else shows up in my life. Cheers to the endless pursuit of deep and meaningful friendships! Work: So I currently work at Chimy's. It's honestly really fun!! I've only worked one shift making tips, but I earned $200 in just one night which is INSANE compared to what I was used to making at Mad Coffee ($200 in 2 weeks). Tonight I have work, and I am a little worried that I won't be the best worker possible because my memory will be whack because I am tired as heck because I stayed up late talking to Travis. Which brings me to my next point. Relationships: ??? Non lo so. I have a pretty big crush on Travis right now, but that boy is the textbook definition of confusing at the moment. Him: Hello I have a girlfriend. Him: Hello I am breaking up with my girlfriend. Him: Hello I don't know if that is the right decision. Him: Hello I know that she's not the one I will marry, so I guess it's the right decision. Me: I have a crush on you. Do you only want to be friends forever? Him: The first time we meet up this summer when I get back from Navy training, how do you want it to go? Him: Cause I think you're hot. Him: And you're really fun to talk to, and we are compatible. Him: And also I want to make out the first time we meet up. Him: Although we have to be careful about that because I don't know if I will ever date you because I don't even know what dating someone right now would look like because I have all these plans to volunteer for Habitat for Humanity and go abroad and serve and I'm moving to Florida after this year. Me: So I should suppress my crush, and we will solely be friends forever? Him: No don't say that, that's so sad. Me: Well we probably shouldn't make out, because that is going to make everything complicated. Him: Shoot that makeout comment was inappropriate of me to say, I have a girlfriend. Him: But I'm breaking up with my girlfriend. Him: But I don't know if I should date anyone right now. Me: Me: ???????????????? Well I don't really want to wait around for you to decide if you want a girlfriend. Him: Yeah definitely don't do that! If you meet an amazing guy go after him! Me: I mean yeah I'm not, like I'm still going on dates and stuff right now, I just want some clarity on what you want from me. Him: I don't even know what I want!!! Him: I just want the next girl I date to be my wife Me: Literally that puts so much pressure on any relationship. Him: You're right, I just mean that I want to be intentional, and since my life is about to be super crazy, I might just be single until i'm 25 me: So I should prbly suppress this crush? Him: No no no! I don't know. I'm confusing Me on the inside: WHAT IS HAPPENING My thoughts: Okay. so obviously Travis is the dream. He brings people to Christ, is a super adventurous spirit, loves what I love, and he's hot as heck. (He played guitar and sang to me shirtless the other night over Facetime, and I was like ???hello?) I really really feel like we could work out. I just think that we need to take things slowly as friends for now, and if a relationship comes out of us doing that than it does! And if it doesn't then, let God's will be done. In my mind, as he's saying all these "A girlfriend doesn't fit in the picture things", I cringingly feel like I actually would fit in the picture. I love volunteering, traveling, and I want to get the fuck out of Texas. Plus, my major allows me to live anywhere. But obviously if I told him all of this, he'd just think "She is changing what she wants to follow me yikes what a desperate hoe" when in reality I just don't have definitive goals, and I would be up for doing those things regardless of if they made a relationship work or not. Like I would definitely move to Florida or wherever regardless of if my boyfriend was moving there. But I can't be like "Hi we could actually really work out, and you need to realize this" to him right now because it's all too much. He is a mess of confusion, and I am a slightly lessened version of a mess of confusion and IN CONCLUSION God, I pray that you would just put your hand on this situation and give Travis and I the patience and grace to figure all of this out. If we are or are not meant to be together, I pray that we will realize that by the time I read this. As for now, I am confusion. Goals: Save up and visit Grandma Cooper you hoe. She is a beautiful human being. Drop some cash on that lady. She deserves it. Now back to work.