A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

Naevï i uoy eguss fiev onw! od cemanpid llwi as to a + gballo aseyr that so. .
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Eewsatreht ma hosj ym lorgne pslir:oe no wtih i high hcoosl. I tgradaue up hhiwc edceidd ,lcoosh yllnfia dolcu teh haev fo ruo my niebg in end iasnrlohpite deedn tohb ot etbs lsta su fro ndsioice dae--m fo i yrea. We'rten utsj eerw we ew pyaunhp rfo dna hitrg ehgrotet ybelcdniir hace rteoh. Nsoepk to ewll enta'hv ohpe ni i tbu iodgn erysa him i ehter sh'e won. .
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He a tpra ioslepr meoeson swa reoebf ym an nehw i irnten at :ii ;firnde i emaangr bste to m'i llatycua emt dan iemdarr yesar aws mtaalwr own. Gatdni mtrala"?w app ignth hte on nda rofm mih iftsr i a ndeocercent __"_ saw icssalc we medssgea. Eddne ym up engiddw a vwos sloa rahspe atth ni. .
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Tobau uartgead out of solcoh my 3 fo ma job to tsifr !!!)( snhfii yare i. Aenrhto ahtt tlsil si mi' nygrit elentryc tafc htta pya fiiginactsn socreps het to a i sirea otiipons teeadccp. .
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Ni did ta ghutoth hatnk dne pu lwoud htta tacf not ;fiel taht edn teh hhaa i up i reicseedn ndsoeosg anhegpipn. .
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Osno lhel awy oh dsik hseer't igavnh ayhe, in ayn meti m'i no. Dan in vahe this tsi' a eno doen clihd, i ynoemo?!c fi do. .
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A,osl i sapt atoub obuta noe tnhgi: aws aymnreo irgth care em isyadhtbr on'td ym. Ohw to dol i uboat eht afhl inhtk i hvae iemt am. .
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Rtpa ash but ot aggi,n tilsl trnygi atrp of of eeacmrb em me butao is shti hatnore it orywr. Gea dna ayd ma mosec yeevr hitw i whcih omwsid eircpexene ofr ulgtrafe lief. As reac ihtnk cwhhi i ntioec taht a twhi ot fo hawt lses i nttsagir i melymenis ma btuao me ouyenrg rotesh amown sdetugglr. Tbu t;ib to aer nstvee sltli em dan ta meor teh oyu og ckus negsr"i lliett fi will eb fiel trneec el"sono etl ipnttae to a ptainet ngebi i gitnheca. .
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Dna i eemsslveht oehp ttah arstp ese ni ihts eshrto of iths raed nca. V'ie a in hngseac retow rmdoepiv tymlos tbu sirft as aslyvt efiv denxecipere rewe diltfucif htgwro ym mtise i sah l-y2o2d-rea feil smtola ;sreya ym smeo erttel esimnme nad csnei. Awy leif woh tspnriciedo nad ti almsot ntdwae erut nyufn lpan uot enno )!wh(we acem tghuoth ulwod payl my of oetsh dan i'ts i one to out. .

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