43rd Birthday Reflection

Dear FutureMe, 43 Year Old Married White Male, Two Kids, Dog, Cat, House, Pick-Up Truck and a Job. That’s me. I am struggling to think of a more boring demographic profile than my own on this birthday… or maybe I need a need a deeper one. Am I middle-aged yet? Or was that back in my thirties? I cannot help but wonder if this is the direction of thought older people (like me) take their minds when timidly tapping on the door of their mid-forties. My gift is to write to help me make some sense of this seemingly uneventful age I have reached on this day. In retrospect, the confidence I have gained in the handling of my life to this point has been notable by friends, family and to me. To date, I have done, seen and felt more than I have actually acquired in material goods. Today, I am very okay with that. A poet suggested to me that, in the end, I may only be remembered for what I loved and have passion about, not for great achievements or collecting wealth. (I don’t know that I can do “all that” anyway.) People tend to marginalize the power and money stuff after you’re gone. It is what you are crazy (good crazy) about that folks remember best, and is most meaningful about you to them. If I were to mind-map my life to date – this is what I have been thinking about over the years: 1965-1970: Birth to 5: Basic moves. Learning how to walk, talk, eat, etc. The 1970s 5 – 10: Finding the best ways not to be bored and have fun 10 – 15: Feeling out emotions, getting a handle on the intangible The 1980s 15 – 20: Gaining independence, becoming my own being 20 – 25: Educating myself (broadly) and experiencing the world The 1990s 25 – 30: Establishing roots, family and learning what work is 30 – 35: Embedding importance and making meaning of, and nurturing, Family. The 2000s 35 – 40: Finding importance and making meaning of work and nurturing Career. 40 – Now what? Four decades in and I certainly haven’t “arrived” yet… I have been quoted as saying the late-thirties were the most meaningful times of my life. I still think so. There was a lot of action and excitement in my twenties, but looking back, it was merely the “fun-frosting”. The thirties, though, collected my heart and I delved into the meat of my life. I think my forties have surpassing potential. Now, like a seasoned pitcher in baseball, I feel I’ve got a handle on the ball, developed awareness and know all the tricks. I believe I have nearly self-actualized on the last day of my thirsty-ninth year… And now, on this 43rd birthday, I feel fully embarked unto the forties. I am not a newbie anymore in this decade of my existence. I am comfortable and truly blessed, yet an adequate life is not the mind-blowing, world changing experience I hope to garner in my lifetime. I can contribute more in this life. Lately, I have been teased and intrigued by the potential enormity of importance I see in my peers, colleagues, elders and, indeed, my own family and children. Statistically, I have another 40 years ahead (So I guess I am middle-aged). Here is what I need for my Birthday. The greatest gift of all, on this relatively unimportant or insignificant day is a next step for my mind and spirit. Perhaps I can give it to myself, or it can be inspired through others. If it is in my mind, it is in my heart and soul, and I will have passion and love for it. And for that, per my poet friend, I will be remembered and loved. Which, excuse the cliché, is what we all really want, right? So my 43rd is important! This year I am on a quest to discover what I will do next. What will I learn about and love for and what will I do about it in my life through the forties? Will these be my Bold & Mighty years? Dare I suggest exciting? I am positioned well, and my mind is drifting there. How nice it is to have some sense for this birthday. 43. I like it. Happy Birthday to me. I’ll check back at 44.