depression

Dear FutureMe, I fucking hate myself so much, my life sucks. Im always home bored and depressed. Im ugly and stupid and annoying. Noone likes me noone love me and i shouldnt have any friends. Why? im not fun im not interesting im not pretty or cool and you wouldnt benefit from being my friend. My parents dont understand me i even feel like my one true bestfriend doesnt care about me at all at times. But i do care about her. Im soo depressed i wanna cry but the tears wont come out. I wanna cry so much. Why does god have to put everything on me. im so ugly and fat and strange looking and im so fucking gay and im a loser that noone wants or needs i belong in the bototm of the trash can. im lower than rats i wanna cry soo much but i cant. why cant i cry i fuckin hate myself i have no but but i look uglier than most black people. i understand why i dont have a boyfriend and why im not popular. why would i be i hate my life sooo much and i hate school i hate everything and everyone in my life. i even hate myself. but if i lost those thing i would hate my life even more.why god why ogd why god is everyhting always happening to me. i have no purpose to live im low class and i hate my life. no one cares or gives a shit about me. i hate myself so much i dont deserve the few things i havei n my life. i feel like everything i appreciate doesnt appreciate me back. why was i born into this body or this person. this ugly useless unwanted ugly soul. no one wants me no one cares to even consider how i feel .i dont know how i manage to cheer up sometimes for a short while then i think aboutwhats the point of living and i cant even find a reason a purpose of why do i live. my best friend doesnt appreciate how much i careabout her nadt hat if it wasnt for her i wudnt we who i am and i wouldnt have the strenght to live everday and put a smile on. im an empty soul and i wish someone wud take the time to care or to help me but none cares i feel tlike the ugliest lowest class of human o earth why doesnt anyone care?. no one cares at all. it seems as if they do but i know they dont. the only time anyone cares is when i start to cry.no one knows how bad my problems are but non one cares NO ONE CRAES BOUT ME!!! NOT EVEN MYSELF. andwhy shud they . im such a good person but i wish someone wud realize and take some time to be my friend. or too even think about me thatsall i want.i give people my time and even if i dont talk to them, everyone crosses my mind and everyone is a part of me. i value everyones life but noone valuesm ine. and some people are so mean.no one in the world cares about anyone anymore.i dont crae if i odnt keep you excited. because im real and i carea bout you and i love you and i want to be a part of yur life but none wants me to. and it hurts me that noone really cares. no one cares. im not worht a penny. and im worthless. i truley am worthless and i mean it. i dont have beauty brains personality strength or anything. evryone thinks i have it easy but i dont. i dont have the strength to see one good quality about myself. i hate myself. and im my ownly friend. and that doesnt suit me well. i need protection and i need a person that cares about me just someone that will worry about me or think about or care and not pretend too care and tell me im thier best friend. because it doesnt seem like anyone really craes so why do they pretend to care. why waste their time on me why.im crying right now crying my eyes out. what di i do god. did i do something becasue as i am writing this i am crying, weeping, sobbing till i cant breathe because evrything im saying is true. and no aspect of my life has been good. my life has been disaster after disaster but noone craes. and im not selfish im just tired of caring about evryone and thinking aobut evryone as they are an important part of my life and not getting any love back. i hate my life and i dont wanna know how my future will be like cuz my life is getting worse as the years months and days pass by. and sometimes the moments can hide my depression but its not ever fully recovered. its always there in a corner of my sad lonely head waiting for tehn right time to come back in full power. im sooo sad and im waiting for that day when liza is back. when im back and when i know who iam . because right now im suffering and i dont know myself anymore. i cant even open my mouth but i can surely cry like ive never cried before. right now right here i will remember i promise myself i will remember what i am writing and i wont let my depression hide no more!