I look back on where I'm from, look at the woman I've become, and the strangest things seem suddenly routine.

It's 10:00 pm on a Sunday night and you're sitting in a computer lab with an oversized cup of coffee, trying to get your damn final done. (Third to last exam, but the next two won't be so irritating.) But of course you're not working on it; procrastination until the last minute has always been more your style, and I'm willing to bet a hundred to one that it still is now as you're reading this. I'm not going to ask what you're up to. You can't tell me, and even if you could, I wouldn't want to know, I don't think. Life sucks sometimes, but having it be a surprise is one of the things that still makes it worthwhile. I have no idea where you are or what you're doing, but I hope you had a damned fun time getting there. Be nice to me, okay? Don't judge me too harshly. I know when you read this you'll think of all my little trials and crisis and the things that keep me up at night feeling sad or frustrated or uncertain, and wonder how I ever could have thought that any of that rubbish mattered. But being immature and rudderless and a touch overdramatic is just who I am right now; I'm working on it, promise. You graduate from college in a mere six months from now (or three and a half years ago, depending upon your point of view.) Hopefully by then I've figured out what I'm doing. Sorry your GPA was so low, by the way-- I figured out too late I actually did care what my grades were. I hope this doesn't close too many doors on you. Or maybe you've since learned that grades really don't matter that much after all, and who cares if you didn't have a 4.0? I hope you're a bad ass. I hope you're tough in a way that I can only pretend to be. I hope you've done a lot of cool things and have a lot of cool stories to show for yourself. I hope you learn a lot, and that if it were possible for me to meet you now, I'd be awed by just how much random stuff you know. But just so long as you're not living in a cardboard box beneath and underpass somewhere, I'll consider it a win. I hope you're proud of me, at least a little bit. All said and done, I could be doing worse than I am. I'm trying to set things up for you, not fuck you up later. If I did, in fact, somehow manage to screw things up royally for you, you have my sincerest apologies. But I really am trying to do well by you. And just in case things are rough right now, don't try and look back on this time and go all nostalgic and say, "I wish I was back there because life was easier/better/awesome then." You do tend to romanticise the past too much, more than it deserves. All points in life have their good parts and bad parts, and all you ever seem to remember is how the past was better than the present, even when it's not true. Oh. And I hope you're not still a virgin. Minor point, really, but if you are, that is just /sad/, and you need to work on that. Also, you better not be a lazy ass. If you're not in at least decent shape, you suck. I fully expect that you can run a mile in 6 minutes and flash a 5.12. If not, get to it already. Be brave and mighty. We've had a good run so far. -You