Dear self!
You had one assignment and couldn’t find the words. You attempted to write to a group instead of a simple I love you to yourself. There is not one person who has walked in your shoes or has seen what you have with your eyes. You give 150% at all times and your frustration and exhaustion is thrown in your face. You are told you are a bitch and you are bitter! You raised three humans who are productive in society and despite their lack they give to others. They tout you as their example and remind you of what they witnessed as they grew up. You have dedicated your life to caring for others as a profession and juggle the care of a dementia ridden mother and aging father. Yet you beat yourself up for not doing more. You allow others words to inflict pain when they can’t be bothered to spend more than a few hours of their time with their parents and that’s only when it can be scheduled around their social schedule. They tell you that the only reason you are there is because you have no other option. In a way they are right. They are right for all the wrong reasons!! Out of respect and care you do not see staying at your own home and putting yourself first as an option. Your heart couldn’t bear the pain of knowing that you put yourself above your parents or patients needs. You do you! To hell with those that are incapable of doing what you do and choose to attack you when you address their lack of doing anything worthwhile. You deserve to vent. This is hard. But remember!! This is but for a season! Time is fleeting and when you get to rest you will have peace knowing you gave your all. You will not have the struggle of I wish or if I would have. That will be others burdens to carry with them. Be proud of the bad ass bitch you have become. Continue to care and bitch it up when you need to advocate for others and yourself. You are one person and 40 years of others before yourself is a long ass time. I love you! Your children have learned a very valuable lesson in putting others before themselves as well as the pride of having a strong work ethic. Their independent nature and their I can face the challenges with or without you came from watching you. Stop overthinking everything! Enjoy a bubble bath and a few days a month in your own home binge watching trash tv. And taking those five minute rides to the beach. In fact, for the rest of this year promise yourself more beach time as you know how it soothes your soul. You do not owe others an explanation!