A letter from March 19th, 2015

Dear FutureMe, Im I seriously writing this? Wow I am, as stupid as I wanna say I feel, i dont feel stupid at all, I feel I need to do this, whether it needs up being stupid or important in the future, either way what Im trying to get it is, I need to remember myself, my past self and my journey. Its freshman year currently and things have changed ALOT. Obsessions, accomplishments, friends, weirdness (mostly weirdness). Im trying to predict the future right now, where Im at in 3 years, the mood Im going to be in when Im reading this... or if i even see it. Keeping positive has been hard, but not in a way that its hurting me or anyone around me, but Im second guessing myself alot, and not going with my gut. I know as of this moment my greatest fear is disappointing people especially myself and mommy and daddy. The thing I've come to realize recently is Im gay... and the person who made me feel this way. Shes special and she always will be, but being forced to see her everyday and knowing I CANNOT say or do anything hurts. Whether or not I ever end up with her doesnt matter, its doesnt matter if she knows or if she doesnt, she is still special cuz she helped me know who I am and what i want and what I stand for. I need to remember mommy and daddy will give me unconditional love no matter the situation, I just need the right time to do this to do what Ive always wanted. There is one thing I need to stop doubting is my ability and my gut. That is what has gotten me though Rocky and though my first year at Cville, Im still unsure of what I want to do and it worries me, but I know YOU, future me, knows what to do at this point of reading the email, and CONGRATS!!! On a happier note, theres other things I need to remember forever, is to not stop trying, to make every little thing, every little action, assignment, count. In Web Design, Sharna Noticed ME! LIKE WUT it was pretty recent and I wont forget what I felt, I was hysterically laughing for a good hour and told EVERYONE, and of course all my good friends we like CONGRATS but idgaf lol. On a lighter note...... remember that stupid Facebook thing you did to Ms. G? HAHA I am dumb arent I? Well it is senior year for you, a few months 'til grad..... GO FRIEND HER, jk..... unless u want to. wow my grammar just got worse as this email keeps getting longer. Blame mommy's bedtime -_- tbh idk y i wrote this. Blame Boredbutton but like I said I want to remember as much as I can before things change: BE WEIRD ITS FINE, remember that paper coach read? I hope you still have it. He said its one of the best hes ever had, why? Because I was being myself and you were being yourself, thats the best person you can ever be. Of course the YouTubers, Aurey Vechs Blame IJ JennaE Shubble Generikb Famous ppl : Sharna "Aussie" Burgess lol, Music : The Cab OneRepublic etc. Games : MineCraft lol Sims <3 My talents: WIP lol Ill find that one thing I have a passion for, and have faith that you have found it or are very close to it, whatever it is, its the PERFECT choice My friends have been my support, stay in contact, they will be there for you, those are the real friends <3 Most Important: Ms. G, I need to get over her, but Im not sure thats necessarily the best thing. While it is socially wrong to have feelings to her, it showed me what I need to know, about myself, how to approach being gay. We have nothing between each other, but shes special cuz she showed my the most important thing I know for sure right now. I will know and it WILL work out, everything in the end will work out, thats what I know now. This email........ its long, and I bet your busy and probably dont even use this email anymore, but whether or not you read it, getting this out, getting my feelings out it helps. I never thought it would be this long, but once I started everything just flowed out, including a few tears. I keep saying just remember just know about so many things already, but I think this is the most important thing to know; Be Yourself, that is the best person out there and no matter your choices in life, you arent disappointing anyone <3 Luv You, freshman hormone crazed you <3 PS: Happy 18th Your an adult (sorta)!!! Just dont do anything stupid :/ But knowing me/you u will, just dont drink or get arrested. Go see a movie and be a good girl :3 (Wonder what the next book trilogy, about a dystopia with a female lead, is made into four movies is.) "Don't Worry I'm Smart"