A letter from Jun 09, 2025

hiii 16 years old lian!!! how are youuu? it's our 15th birthdayyy. i hope you're doing fine because right now i am not :( maybe this is how growing up feels like. i know being sad on my own birthday is just a very small part of my life, but i have been feeling this for the past years. birthdays don't excite me anymore and neither does living. i feel like i'm so lonely most of the time to the point i've started to live with it. lately, i've come to a realization that in the end of the day, i will always be left alone. i'm lost and i don't know what to do. i can't reach out to any of my friends because i know they have a lot going on in their own lives. but i hope i can work on this habit of mine because i'm slowly pulling away from everyone like what happened when i was 12 years old. and that ended up badly that up until now it still haunts me. i don't know what to do, but i hope this year i would be able to find a solution to this :) and if i do, i can finally be sad on my next birthday and be okay with it. :) i'm sending this message on my 16th birthday just to see if my life has any improvements, and if not, i'm sorry to disappoint you.