A letter from May 24, 2025

Dear FutureMe, Things have been difficult for me lately. I find myself to be so lonely with the only conversation I have on most days being that of baby and the house helper. On occasion when hubby is home we’ll have a long chat but only for so long as we go to sleep to greet another day just like that one - for me at least. Weekends this far have been filled with him going to work and then golf on Sundays followed by a visit to his folks and church. Recently we haven’t been able to make it for mass either. R and S will come here to visit us in about a week. It’s the one thing I look forward to every day and it saddens me that it’ll be over before I know it. She said that she told S she would walk into our house and start crying cause of how difficult things have been with her family but frankly I feel I’ll cry just cause of how grateful I am that they came. It’ll alleviate my loneliness and satisfy my yearn for exciting adult conversation, being able to go out when I want to and just having that emotional support. I know I wished for a child and to be married and all of that and I am grateful but I guess I just didn’t register how lonely it would all feel. I used to say I’d be happier here as things are more real than where I was. But I miss where I was for all I had there - a well paying job, friends to socialise with and comfort. Not that I’m not comfortable here, I am. I guess I just wish I had more emotional comfort. There’s such an unfair expectation of mothers to get up and do and do and do no matter how empty you feel inside, how poorly you’re eating and how rubbish your sleep has been. It just saddens me frankly and I’ve cried twice in front of baby and both times she’s quietened down and tried her best not to be fussy and I just feel bad. But she’s a trooper and a gem, her smile just makes everything so much brighter for me. I’m on hardly four hours of sleep as we are in what I assume to be a teething and sleep regression phase as we approach 8 months. That’s almost a whole pregnancy outside of me. Anyway I hope things are brighter for me this time next year and if not that I at least have friends and a greater income some how to help me keep life exciting because some of us no longer have hobbies like golf and friends to do those things with. Love, A very tired me.