A letter from May 13, 2024

Dear FutureMe, I don’t know why i’m doing this but it’s currently 2:37 am in the morning while i’m writing this and it is raining. I just woke up earlier so i don’t feel sleepy yet. I don’t know what to say to you but i will try to convey my thoughts. I would probably be 22 already by the time this letter reaches you and you are currently 17 years old right now. To be honest, life is tough for you. Can you believe it if i say that you ditched class for a lot of times already? you were so excited on being a shs student since you transferred schools, you wanted a new environment and you got it! the only problem was you didn’t get to take the strand you wanted to so you took ABM because you had no choice. Ever since that, you lost interest in studying and got bad grades and skipping classes at times. You’re not like who you were in 10th grade. You barely survive. You have so much going on in your life right now. This year 2024. You lost your high school friends and even that girl you liked. Kanki. I don’t know why this is the things i’m talking about but at this age, you have tons of regrets and you never actually felt happiness even in a day. Me, your 17 years old self, feels suffocated. It's as if like the world is pressing down on me. I feel like everything is meaningless and i mean nothing to anyone. Even if i die right now, i feel like no one would care. You wanted to die. but to be honest, i just want to feel at peace and contented. Even though everything is hard right now, i’m still going on since i’ve always wanted to fulfill your desires so i hope by the time you read this, you’ve finally done all that you wanted. I hope you’re already living alone, close on finishing college and especially, happy and contented. I just want you to feel even a little bit of contentment with your life. Like having no thoughts of being miserable and regretting everything including the fact that you were born. Please, let’s live. Let’s finish college, find a job and leave this country. You’ve went through so much at your young age so you deserve to feel at least at peace. I don’t know what else to say but i do hope too that you’re still friends with alexa, your friend from high school and that one girl that you met on the internet, i hope you’re still in contact with her. You promised on each other a lot and you genuinely like her. It's just that you’re at your bad place. She’s from bicol. Besides everything, i hope you won’t or didn’t engage in a relationship anymore. Focus on your goals. Don’t let other people ruin that. It’s only you against everything and you’re the only person who could actually change your life. Find a job that makes you feel at peace and a place that is quiet. You don’t have to have friends. Just be alone as long as you want. Focus on yourself. Let’s hold on there. For the life that we desire. Oh, My questions... Do you still rant on your twitter account? Your facebook account? Do you still repost on your tiktok account? Do you still talk to those internet friends? Are you still friends with alexa? Any love interest? I have a lot of questions honestly but let’s just save that! This is me, Crislene Your 17-Years-Old Self I hope this letter finds you well.