A letter from Nov 12, 2024 - Mexico (San Cristobal) one year ago

Dear Future Izzy, I wonder what your life looks like now you are reading this, or where you are!! Right now you are in Mexico. You have been travelling for about 6 weeks now. A lot has happened in that time and I imagine a hell of a lot more will happen in next year too! Initially you said I will be gone for 9 months, but now that doesn't feel like that long. You too and fro with your thoughts around solo travel. Sometimes you consider remote working and sometimes you think the whole thing just feels pretty exhausting. You've just moved from Peurto Viajero hostel in San Cristobal, because it felt a bit too busy and too overwhelming and are trying to find you feet more with your kind of people, hopefully the next hostel will be super wholesome, as you have just been pretty anti-social at your current place! This week is meant to be your healing week and today you had a super chilled day, although it did feel slightly more admin based than healing. You applied to volunteer at Eagles nest, finally did your ADHD monitoring forms, had an incredible carbonara and wrote a little bit for your book (just a little reminder that that exists!)! It's funny I think I remember in a past futureme letter or just somewhere generally you saying I hope in your thirties you make up for all the bad *** you had in your twenties. Well I'm hoping we might get there, but you're definitely trying. So let's talk about the boys - Well I guess first was the Spanish boy - the rejection therapy guy in Madrid, unfortunately that one was terrible and I would be happy to forget the awkwardness of basically crying in front of him, prompting my resolution of no more one night stands, which did not last very long! Then back in the UK there was the Aussi, who was on **** boy Island, who was pretty annoying. The second time you went round you wish you had been able to say no thanks, because the *** was not as good as the first time which you thought was pretty phenomenal, and he was also felt much more vapid so that was a shame. First one in latin America was Daniel, the VERY tall, handsome Dutch boy, who we think had a girlfriend. He was gorgeous. You were at the Che hostel in Playa del Carmen and he span the wheel and it landed on kiss your crush and he kissed you, which gave you the flutters big time. Before you went back to his room, there was the other American guy there too Walker and you wondered about your thoughts on a threesome, as it really felt like he did not want to leave! You felt proud of yourself for using your voice and being a bit more dominant with Daniel. You guys showered and you made him wash your hair. You also were grinding on top of him for a bit while giving him a massage. It was a good evening with him. There was lots of different things going on, and I wish that I had reflected more on it all, but hey ho. Then there was Ben who you went on the nice date with, even though you paid for an extortionate round by Mexican standards. There was some very fun kissing and grinding on the airbnb rooftop, which unfortunately never made it into more. I'm a little sad and also not about that as I felt that I built the expectations up much too quickly! Then there was American Andy. That was an interesting one. You were making out at the club and from this you could tell he was quite dominant and didn't really want to be told what to do, but you could tell you wouldn't love that, so went on a little bit of a power trip with him. You made him ask you questions for everything rather than statements, like can I take your top off, which again was quite good for practicing your dominance. You were both in his tiny little single bed and there wasn't loads of foreplay so you weren't a huge fan of his. Although you did end up being a bit of a stop out, staying in the same clothes for 3 nights! (Just because you couldn't be bothered to go back to Bolly's (the Mexican boy you were couch surfing with!) The other night you had a quick kiss with an English boy you can't remember his name. I'm glad nothing more happened, he was really annoying speaking to him briefly at dinner last night. I would love to find some more hippy types who would be happy to explore tantra type stuff. I'm sure I can find that! The people - it's felt like a bit of a whirlwind with all the people you've met. Especially because the majority of them have only really been around for a day or two! You've had the most time with your English gang - Charlie, Matt (and Freida) which was a mixed bag as they were lovely, although sometimes you struggled, feeling left out, but it was also nice to have people you knew and had got more comfortable with. In the end you were really looking forward to leaving the gang though as by this point Freida was getting pretty annoying, which is a shame as I did really like the other two. You were reflecting today and there hasn't been anyone you have really loved. I guess I'd have to mention Oscar in the people that have been around a bit, but he's a bit of a head **** tbh. You really fancied him, got on really well, loved flirting and then found him annoying and a little too young after the hitchhiking. Also you couldn't tell if he fancied you and wanted something to happen there or not! The places - Favourite place was possible San Jose del Pacifico, because of the beauty of peacefulness and probably the contrast of this with everything else. You were pleasantly surprised by Mexico city, which some parts felt like East London! Oaxaca and San Cristobal are pretty cool cities, which you could easily see yourself remote working and cafe hoping for a while because of all the amazing cafes and restaurants! The culture - You feel like you've only just started scratching the surface with Mexican culture, despite being here for 6 weeks. Dia del muertos was beautiful, going to the graves, and funnily enough watching Coco and The Book of Life. It's so nice to think about ***** in a different way to being so final. It's been really cool to start thinking about spirit animals, shamans and such things. I really want to find out more about this kind of stuff! I've also absolutely LOVED learning to dance, Salsa and Bachata has been soooo much fun! Being flung around on my first lesson, to actually starting to feel like I know a bit more is just fabbbbb and I really can't wait to carry on with that! I really want to get into knowing more about Mayan culture in Guatemala, and maybe find a healer, which was on my list for here but I'm not sure I'll have got round to!! The experiences - Well there's been a lot of these already in only 6 weeks! of course Dia del muertos was epic, dancing with the locals, being in the cemeteries and just the scale of the decorations! Mushrooms watching the sunset was very magical and a lot of interesting thoughts going on there!! The salsa and bachata classes <3 which have felt both super fun and pretty ****, learning to actually be able to spin a bit even on that first class you knew nothing was so much fab! Then bachata - dancing with the Asian guy who was throwing you around you definitely fancied him (even though not physically! And the same when you were vibing with Matt and teaching Oscar!). It was amazing to witness the cloud iridescence and had that been with people I felt close with I think would have been spectacular! Similarly the rainbow spray on the boat in Peurto Escondido felt very special. I also felt pretty awe inspired about nature in the Canyon, especially watching the waterfall come down above you to be blown away, it was such an impressive place. There have generally been some cool animal experiences, just being a bit closer to them generally, flamingos, crocodiles, pelicans in the trees, the birds swooping for fish in Holbox, letting your baby turtle into the ocean! I would love some more experiences like that. I had a really good surf lesson, so am hoping to do a few more of those and actually move from amature to a bit more reliably good. Also I think my Spanish has come on pretty well, so if I am then able to actually understand a bit more that would be fab! Also food's been pretty incredible too! Fish shack, honestly I won't ever forget! My first Michel star restaurant in Oaxaca! Other generally incredible cuisines - Sileas bf's Indonesian food, the pizza we had and the carbonara here. The emotions - overwhelm, frustration, a little loneliness, awe. It's funny with all the positive things that have gone on, that the first emotions I'm mentioning are these. But I guess I'm hoping that I'm going to get better at the process of solo travel and therefore better with these emotions. Also I hope that maybe by adjusting where I'm staying this might change this a little and get into some really deep gratitude. While you're away you're trying to take this stupid man to the small claims court and finish your ADHD medication titration, hopefully these things are possible! Things so far are going fine with the house. Georgina has been great so far with being in charge of that, sorting out difficulties with the guy renting the garage, and have had a repair to Kathryn's room to do. She sent me a very cute 'newsletter' the other week detailing these things in a 'what's new at 102' which I thought was super cute <3. Considering how much I was freaking out about the house before I left and it's actually been wayyy better than I thought. With Georgina in charge if I considered remote working it would be great to be able to give her a bit of a budget and see what home improvements could get done! I have felt myself feeling a little jaded of people and the world, so would love to get back into a place of gratitude, and am hoping that will come with finding wonderful people. Well it's onto Guatemala next week. I'm hoping that comes with a nice volunteering placement or at least some really amazing nature bits. I think I'm going to set a reminder to try and do a monthly recap of this as that'll be a fab things to look back on! I guess my hopes for the rest of my travels are; I would like to move away from the party hostels that I have somehow accidentally been booking! I would love to be doing more regular dancing than I am currently (hopefully by the time you are reading this you are a pro!). I'm hoping my Spanish gets better, and I'm pretty confident about that one. I'd like to have some little loves, especially more than just the one night stand loves that I have had so far! Or even some more platonic loves to travel with for a little while! I would like some more remoteness, or spiritual encounters. I would like to attempt to continue my writing with a little more regularity, as this has been particularly haphazard, and to learn maybe to be both a bit more effective at my planning and a little bit kinder with my self-compassion with myself in regards to this! Okay well Izzy, wherever you are in the world (hopefully somewhere warm!) I just want to say that I'm proud of you. I have faith that your travels will bring about enormous growth so it's difficult for me to even impart some words of wisdom for you here. I hope you have a wonderful retreat on the brain/ in the pipelines and some fabulous people around you! All my love, from 6 weeks on the road Izzy xxxx