A letter from Aug 05, 2024

Somehow, so much of my life has fallen apart within the span of 3 months. I've had just about the most mentally and emotionally taxing summers I think I will ever have. I don't know how I am supposed to be okay. Everything has done a 180 and I'm struggling to grasp at anything stable right now. The terrible thing about all of the things going wrong is that there is simply nothing I can do to fix it. I have to sit and watch everything essentially burn to the ground. The family and the house that I've known for essentially all my life will never be the same again. Honestly, it hasn't felt the same for a long time. Ever since I moved into my dorm, this place has just felt like a husk. It's become a place that I don't recognize anymore and I can't help but grieve for what once was. I've tried to remain strong and act like it's not affecting me but that's far from the truth. I just feel so broken. I so wish that I could go back to the times before because I never could have fathomed the state of which things are now. I yearn to be away from all of this and back in my bubble, not having to be stuck in the piss and **** but I know that being in Denton won't make it go away. For all I know, it could just make things feel worse. I don't know how I'm going to be able to function normally. I finally got what I worked so hard for and I fear that my emotional state is going to throw it all away. I want nothing more than to retreat into nothingness and never come out. I don't want to feel this way anymore. I am so exhausted. All my hopes for this next year are shattered because how can I possibly come back from this?