A letter from Oct 21, 2023

Dear Future Me, I hope you are doing well today, btw happy birthday 🥳🫶. I just know that this past me(the day I wrote this)is very tired and drained.But I will try to live:) Yesterday was very sad yk....I'm just very disappointed in my self..... maybe Theater is not really for me.I know at first place that I hate acting,I hate being center at the spotlight and attention,I hate everything about crowds,I hate everyone.....and I'm still wondering why I accepted it. Maybe because I have no choice? My parents is the law that I have to follow.And I cannot do anything about it. Again I'm very disappointed while my cousin is enjoying her award...I know I have no rights to be jealous because she deserves it but my emotion and feeling are beyond...I feel disappointed because it was just a simple task and I can't do it while her ?she do it effortless..:( I've been in theater for 3 years now studying and learning but why???Do I'm still not doing great. I wanna decline it at first place yet I have no rights or I won't finish my study. I regreted everything please don't do it again in another universe. Because just maybe...just maybe in another universe you will deserve everything you ever imagine,how it is. But I won't try this failure to absorbed in me, instead I will use it to strive harder. So please DO ANYTHING TO LIVE!!!