A letter from Jun 08, 2023

Dear Future Me, Hello there! I’m writing this letter because I want you to know that I am here to let your past emotions or feelings and memories be relived. You must be an 18-year-old university student right now. I’m glad to know that you have succeeded in all of the obstacles that will affect your life in the future sooner or later. Anyways, your past self here is telling you whatever and whenever how happy or sad you are. You should know that every day, there are always struggles or consequences that will test your emotions and ability when you have been trying to relieve stress. I have been thinking negatively about school and work as I cannot really focus well enough to be academically or physically rewarded. I made a mind tracker and put a sticker there every day as it could help me to understand myself better in order to have better academic performance, but sometimes things got worse every week. I felt physically drained when I had too much homework to finish as if I could get it all done or be able to get smarter or not. I often mentally broke down if I had so much stress that at which point, I wanted to punch something or yell at someone. Because of that, I thought that I was dwelling on those negative thoughts as I would not talk to people properly and we would argue with each other. Due to being mentally ill for hours, anger could be the main reason why I could have a breakdown because school has pushed me forward too quickly, and I needed to catch up with everyone, who was much quicker and smart enough to understand all of the lessons. Based on the mind tracker alone, I understood that I was anxious about school’s giving me knowledge. During these days, exams were getting harder and more intense ever since the school’s policies changed how we would take the tests at the same time as other students in the school’s huge gym. School, exams, and being pressured by peers were the 3 biggest sources of stress. They all gave me nerves or anxiety since my parents gave me so much hope, and I did not disappoint them. Not only that, I had a lot of grades, which indicated that I am not a good academic student, but rather an average student who would study until he would get satisfactory grades. When trying to be happy and relaxed, I have some protective factors, which are “Good coping skills and problem-solving skills”, “Positive physical development”, and “Supportive relationships with family members”. These also help me to be able to do well and socialize with peers better at school. Meanwhile, I also have other “Anxiety”, “Extreme need for approval and social support”, and “Poor academic achievement”. If I have a low grade, I would mentally break down again, but whenever I saw my grades going up, I started to feel secure. Because of these protective and negative factors, I could still be keeping up with everyone who would try to help me with anything hard from school so that I could stand up and try better even if I’m still bad at any subject at school. Despite everything, I would still have stress from finishing school to enjoy the coming summer holiday. But eventually, I would be able to relieve the stress by playing video games, listening to music, and drawing animals or objects digitally to be creative. It was effective because those hobbies of mine distract my mind away from negative things such as stress or schoolwork before doing my homework again. Beyonce, once, quoted, “Be healthy and take care of yourself, but be happy with beautiful things that make you, you”.