A letter from Jul 22, 2022 — werk werk werk

Dear FutureMe, Did the probation go well? I hope, no, I pray it went well. Otherwise, I don’t know what I would feel right now. It gotta hurts. In any case, I believe I tried my hardest. To not get wounded again gahagaga. To kind of prove to myself that I’m not suck. I hope. Today I went to see the doctor, my psychiatrist. He said when I get through probation period, we would consider decreasing drug dosage. Anyway, I’m 2 weeks in. Did a lot of reading and watching training materials. Honestly I want to start doing some real works. I have nothing to do, really. Tomorrow I will ask for work. Maybe. I’m still afraid of many things. What to say. What to do. How to act/react. I felt bad for not thinking before saying sometimes. I try to let it pass. A reminder: work is just one aspect of life. You are much more than your work. You’re also a daughter, a friend, a human, an animal lover(?), a JIPP alumni, a sister, a tenant, a stranger, an HRK fan, a snake discovery fan, a vlogbrothers fan, Japanese and Italian food lover, a sunset admirer, an arts lover, a fan of vincent van gogh (monet, manet, cezane, degas, villard etc.), a music listener, a movie lover, a night train fan, an candid photography lover etc. See? And each aspect also define you as a person. You might be a good movie lover, but bad JIPP alumni, and that’s okay. Work is just another one of those. You might be good at something, bad at something, or alright with something. It will impact your self a bit more because it’s an important part of life, a large proportion of life too. But don’t feel that when you do bad at work, then you are a bad person. That’s not true. Don’t let work define everything that you are because it doesn’t. Especially, don’t tie your self-esteem with work performance. It does have an impact, but it’s not everything. Don’t forget to take care of yourself. Remember the 3 pillars? Nutrition, exercise, and sleep. Also mental health: mindfulness and stress management. Go get a massage every two weeks if you budget allows. Less is okay but do get it sometimes. It usually helps destress your body and mind. Stretch a lot. Walk more. Sleep early once a week. Drink matcha or green tea. Eat antioxidant food. Eat carbonara (unrelated but I like it). Be adventurous and travel somewhere that’s new and scares you a little bit. Do something you usually don’t. I hope these might be useful. Always remember self-love. You’re a hedonist. Being happy is probably your goal in life and as a human lol. So don’t let anything take that always. Unless you turn into a utilitarian which is also okay. But life has a bigger purpose. Life was given to you, use it the way you want. You can choose happiness right now. You’re a pilot of your life. No one can tell you otherwise. You’re not a tree. If you don’t like where you are, move. Also spend more time with people you love. Take good care of your close circle. Okay I think that covers a lot of things. Be happy and smile! Love, always Cherry