a letter from past us open up

darling me, I am sitting in our new living room right now on January 7th, 2022. There was a snowstorm and a small songbird was hopping on our apple tree. We tried to get her inside but did not succeed. Nevertheless, birds can survive harsh winters, but this one was quite sudden. I don't know what to say. You look so beautiful right now though. And I hope wherever you are, there's a real nice view of the water. Or sometime this week we can go wherever water is. I'm really scared rede, its okay if we call us that right? rede I'm just getting used to college (or lack thereof with the virtual pre-calc class) and I can't imagine a life after it. I will ask questions later because I know you love talking about yourself but I do too and I wanna go first. Tomorrow is our date with fataha, do you remember how it went? I know it'll go great so don't worry about me. We sent a link to this website to Bas so she can do it too. Bas turns 19 in three-ish weeks and I want to go to the IHOP downtown. Charlie Jane Anders released a new short story collection but the paperback won't come till November :(. We are on a book buying halt, unsure how successful it will be. I have the first pre-calc exam Monday and I'm going to study well with tons of practice. I feel anxious. I don't think so far into the future anymore, because it's so up in the air. But with all the little anxieties like the bank dilemma and work and school, and now this, it's pretty scary. I wish I could read the secret history all day and not have to worry, but I can't :(. I got a globe the other day but it's upside down!!!!!!????? Very upsetting. I unblocked nahid the other day too and then spoke briefly to tasfa about it and then extensively to bas but then I blocked him again. I bet this thing doesn't matter like this anymore, not that it ever did. I'm just bored and seek attention as usual. Overall though, for some reason I don't feel very feelings vocal. The only feeling I have coming up right now is fear and uncertainty. There is no excitement because of my exam, but if there was no exam I'd be slightly excited. Here now will be my questions. What are we doing outside of college? Do we have a job (yay! so happy!)? What is it? Or did we get into grad school (yay! so happy for us if we did)? Rede I'm scared we won't be pretty anymore but in an emotional way what if we aren't pretty? What if our trauma made us feel ugly are we still pretty? When have you last spoken to bas hmm, because I read that line of Donna's where she says everyone in college when it gone does traitorous things like move and not speak. I hope that didn't happen and we still speak with her, I think we would. What of Fataha? How's that ending? does it hurt as much as we thought or are we relieved it was over? If we tried long distance you deserve a day off social media because that's such a dumb idea regardless of whether it worked or not. Did Tasfa go to Yale or did she stay with us? How much money is in our bank account, is Charlie Jane Anders still our favorite or did Thrity take the top spot again? WHO DO WE SYMPATHIZE THE MOST WITH IN SECRET HISTORY SPILL. What journal are we on, describe it to me!! Right now I am in the red leather Moleskine with the Spirited Away sticker on it. It's journal 26. We are 18 right now if you couldn't do the math. I know we are young but don't be mean ok. You have a tendency for that. I hope you aren't married because that's even scarier. I hope you have no love interest because I want to be on my own then. Did we get the cat, is she named Jhilmil? How is she? Did we move out, or are we thinking about transitioning to that? Are we still in new york, where specifically are we right now I wanna know? Hows Mckean doing have we spoken recently? How many friends have you gained, have you said hi to Sanjida do it rn 😡 I really love you and I hoe you love all the members of our family and take care of everyone and love them and love them some more. Read some older NAMELESS posts too, because even if you cringe they are good okay the writing is pretty good for right now. My favorite movie is Moonrise Kingdom my best friend is bas and tasfa I had a lot of boba this week and I guess my crush is fataha but it feels weird saying that because shes a new person who also is leaving to cornell. I haven't asked because I am afraid of the answer. How was college. Tell me all the details. Tell me everything I want you to spill. We can do this again later, and I'll expect a husband for fun. I keep changing tabs to not end this letter because I want to speak with you forever and I wish time to stop but it won't Write a love letter for me then, because I feel quite sad today maybe it has to do with the fact that I haven't eaten breakfast or taken meds but this isn't usual for me so its okay. I will go eat cereal and my meds and take a nap maybe clean too. How many books do you own? We own 219 and read 47 of them. You go now live the dreams all my love knives/rede/nameless