A letter from Jun 9th, 2021

Dear FutureMe, Hey. It's me from five years ago. How are things? It's the day after our 17th birthday. You're only 17 once, you know. Do you still wish we were 17? What do you regret doing that I haven't done? Now we are 22. Just turned 22. As a 17-year-old, I imagine myself having a job and just graduating college. I imagined myself dorming in college. Did we do that or did we decide to stay at home? Maybe I still live at home or maybe I have a place of my own. Do you love the job you have? Do you have a license or car? I still haven't got my permit. I wanna drive and explore the world. I don't want to be at home anymore. Did things get better? Are you better? How is the love life? I am still with Brandon, for almost 10 months. Are we still together? Or are we friends? Or do you even speak to him still? Did you transition? Are you still a woman? I'm sorry for so many questions. I just wanna know how my life is now. I wanna know what stories and memories we've created. I wanna know all the people you know. I wanna know what's to come next. Was this life worth living? Life is looking very dull and bleak. I'm slowly feeling drained from it. I feel like I'm coming to an end. You know we've both said I would never make it to 18, maybe it will come true. I hope you are happier than you ever were, even if I am not. I imagine all of these things for myself but the reality is that it probably will not stay true. My dreams and aspirations change. We change. But we decide if the change is good or bad. I hope you followed the path that makes you the happiest. Happy is something that we don't know of. We know sadness, we know anger, we know grief and loss, but we don't know the feeling of happiness. Happiness doesn't have the intensity or depth the way these emotions do. Why is that? Have you figured out why? Why we long to feel happy? Why we long to escape and run as far as we can? Only time will answer all of my questions. Time slipped through our fingers. We constantly look into the past or the future and never remember the present. Please learn to be mindful. Mindfulness is very important for our brain and body. Learn to take care of yourself and put yourself in front of others. We are the only ones we have. We are the only people we will live with for the rest of our lives. And our life should be prioritized. I love you. I know you will heal me and our past wounds. You are the change I wish to be. Even though I am still young at 22, I am wiser and I lived just a couple more years more. I hope in these upcoming years, I will find my life and my purpose. I will understand myself and learn important lessons. I don't have an ideal life I would like at the age of 22. Unless you count being a millionaire, billionaire, or trillionaire. Of course, I would want to live a lavish life at a young age and enjoy a job. But even if you don't fulfill these "dreams" that is okay. You are young and you have a long life. I don't expect the world of you because you tried. You always try and find a way. You're okay now. Just keep searching for whatever you're looking for because I know you will find a way for both of us. Do whatever it is that you feel the need to do because we can do it and we will do it. I don't know what exactly I'm asking of you here. I just want you to finally live for yourself and enjoy it. Enjoy life for the 17 years that we missed out. By the way, how did Miraculous Ladybug end? Was it good? God, I freaking love that show. It is the only thing, one of the only things, that keeps me going. Keep going, even for the small things you love. You're doing just great. I know you are because I am you. Fulfill this life, please. I love you. Until then, time will tell. I am counting on us.