A letter from November 12th, 2020

Dear future me, if You're reading this it means you haven't died yet. It means you held up for another 5 years despite depression telling you that you're worth nothing. I hope you're over depression. I know how hard it is to breathe, because I felt it. My chest hurt and it got hard to swallow my spit. My temples would get severe pains and I felt like crying... It's hard letting go of the people who you cared about. You should be 21 or 22 by now. And hopefully you stuck with ballet and maybe performed your first duo or solo. I'm sorry my mind held you back from your dreams. If you didn't stick with ballet I hope you continued to work hard. Who knows, maybe that thought of joining the Military came true. Since you were younger, you always thought about joining the Military but never told mom or dad because you were scared, but hopefully your serving our country now and Mom and dad are alright now. Do you remember the many times you doubted God's existence? Well, he's really real so if you're alive and reading this follow the right Christian path. Remember the friends you made? Sev, the almighty person you called Brother. Remember when you told Sev about God? I do too! Hopefully you're still friends and you've led him to following Christ. Butter, the best friend you could ever have. Even though he put you through a lot it's hard forgetting somebody who stuck around for awhile and was a great friend for years. He left under circumstances in which he wanted to live a normal life without you. "Have a happy Thanksgiving." Jay, you two didn't talk much but he felt like a brother sometimes to you. These people made you happy, and at times really depressed. I told you, you could do it. You made it! Finally, now breathe a little. :) You did great. Don't forget, if you ever need to cry don't hold it in. Just cry until you feel better. Let me describe your room. Right now, I'm laying on my bed surrounding with pictures of ballet dancers in different poses in different picture frames. There's Christmas lights above me and on the right side of me is a 26 Inch Christmas tree on the nightstand next to my lamp and nightlight. Right behind my phone that I'm holding up is a TV straight across in front of me, right now it's playing, "Chronicles of Narnia, Winter Woods Music & Ambience - Relaxing Music With Sounds Of Winter." Right now I'm in tears. Because I don't know if you're alive anymore. Don't die, live and become the thing you want to be. A better person so people don't leave so quick. Maybe Mom and Dad finally saved up enough to buy a house out in the country and you're sitting outside on your porch reading this or you're in the Military of course! Proud. Maybe you found the one. The pain is only temporary. Remember that. Bye Zohara! :)