A letter from July 19th, 2020

Dear Future Me, YO I'M 23! NO WAY. This literally feels strange like do I even have this email anymore? Yo I probably matured so much like finally, go off sis. I really hope you're employed somewhere other than Target but if not that's okay too, everyone is going at their own pace<3. I'm sure I grew and evolved a lot. I graduated freaking college!!! Debt-free I hope!!! Wait I kind of want a boyfriend by this time so I hope I'm in a relationship!! A serious one too. Actually, hopefully I'm engaged... or is that too soon?? Idk. is he Albanian lol ? Yo, I get to finally travel the world!! Don't settle but at the same time I want kids at an earlier age. Wait, did you graduate with a CS degree? If you did, PERIOD BOO U DID IT, I KNEW U COULD. If not, that is okay... you will succeed no matter what! still proud of u <3 YOU GOT THROUGH COLLEGE! I am so proud! And I know Babi is too Anila<3 You can smack your degree in peoples faces now! everyone is going to be proved wrong! did I make more lasting friendships? I asked in the letter two years ago, idk if u remember, but are zina and alia in my life still? bc they seem like super great friends and I love them and I don't want to lose them 3. did Jason and Erita get married? She was planning it around this time but I mean, 5 year is a very long time so. am I still skinny ??? literally if I gained all my weight back please punch me. I'm 130 rn from 137 three months ago. the pandemic is for sure over by now, but are there lasting effects? how's ur tezes and dajas? this question scares me because 5 years from now doesn't seem too gr8... is mommy doing ok? I love her to ***** and hope she is thriving <3 she deserves the world and now that I have a degree the light at the end of the tunnel is near... can finally realistically plan buying my darn house. if we're still there... if not I'll be pretty upset:( uhh let's see, what else do I wanna mention? Did you get a new car? Please don't say you're still driving that 2006 ford. oh I got my MacBook Air today! Bought it allllll by myself, go me. do I still have it?? what's in my dream savings?? I have 2800 rn and I've been saving for a whole year. even though I wanna blow it all on flights to Kosov this September. that better happen ugh. omg I HOPE UR TRAVELING RN. literally though. if you're in MKE ur 18 year old self is so disappointed like, for real? GET OUT. LEAVE. this place makes me feel so stuck and like I'm suffocating rn. and now especially since u finished college, what is there for u??? u don't belong bro. I hate literally everyone here. Especially the Albanians. they never fail to amaze me with how low they stoop. OMG burning question, did you study abroad? literally I hope you did because you really wanted to. I hope you didn't let anything get in the way. wow being 23 actually sounds scary. **** the future is so scary, but also exciting and exhilarating. so much is going to change. ****. I hope things get easier and I get happier. Am I emotionally stable? Like actually. I cry so much even though I feel like I'm getting better. sometimes I just feel numb. But I really want to seek therapy. Idk if I will. I have a lot of unprocessed trauma. I don't even have insurance lol. well, here you are. 23 freaking years old. you made it. and you still have things to look forward to but ****, you're actually 23. your mom is 65, erita is 25, aurora 17, Miri 15, zina 21, Rayan like 28... YO WHATT, just so crazy to wrap my head around like dang. I know I went to Ks for sure between ages 18-23. I FREAKING GRADUATED COLLEGE. IM SO PROUD OF MYSELF. this is so messy. sorry. but I am kind of messy. honestly don't care, I embrace it. things have no doubt changed, took a turn, I'm sure a lot has impacted me especially bc this age is so fragile in growing and evolving. but I am so strong and can overcome anything. <3 love u <3 peace <3