A letter from May 9th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, Are you still in love with him? I so badly wish he was the one. I’m sure you’re getting sick of me saying that by now. I was looking through my pictures and found his and because I think he’s so attractive, the most attractive man I’ve seen, I decided to look at the picture. Pretty people are fun to look at, you know? I started to tear up though. I miss him terribly. I just want to hear his voice or even see a single text from him, just to make sure he’s alright. I don’t even care if it’s directed towards me. Last night, I dreamt that I went back in time. I was back at NAU with Payton and I was determined to make it work. We were going to be friends. I also wasn’t dating Anthony. I wanted to, but I knew that it would end in heartbreak, so I let him go. Until he showed up in a class with me and my teacher wanted me to help him out. And I just wanted to give him a huge hug and kiss, despite him not knowing me. I chickened out though. Good. It’s been two months now I think and not a day goes by where I don’t want to text or call him. He doesn’t deserve that though. He deserves space. I just miss him so much. He was my first love. The thought that I’ve hurt him kills me and I just wish he was the one, I wish things were perfect between us but they weren't, despite therapy (flashback to when the therapist called me immature...). I hope he finds happiness. I hope he’s able to make money off the table top game he was trying to make, and I hope he is able to find the one and have the four kids he’s been wanting. I’m so sorry AWF. I am so sorry for wasting your time and for breaking your heart. I thought you were the one, but when I learned that you weren’t, I knew it wasn’t fair to continue. But damn do I wish you were because the world is going to shit right now and I need you in my life. You will always have a special place in my heart and I will always love you.