A letter from April 17th, 2020

Time Travelled — 12 months

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, Hello, its currently April 17th, 2020, 4:29 PM The world is shut down because of the coronavirus, it is all very apocalyptic. this is my second email to my future self, I hope you're doing well. I read mine from when I was 15, last year. I was really not confident yet because of my eyelid surgery. Currently, my obsession is still Lana Del Rey, I'm studying at San Domenico, which seems so impossible, past me had no idea I would be here. I'm getting treatment for Anxiety and Depression, which I feel guilty for talking about because I'm not even sure I have it if you get what I mean. You'll almost be 18 by the time you get this letter, which is insane. That's a whole adult! Anyways, here are the questions I set for us from last year's letter. How are your grades? Around a B Family? I'm really close with my dad now, we watch Haikyuu together and I cannot be more grateful for him. I miss mom dearly but she's in Taiwan. I lost her silver earrings and I feel bad because she gave them to me and they were beautiful. Love life? Sigh, Still nonexistent. There's this guy in my class, Cameran, he's really, really cute. I'm also confused about my feelings towards Carys and Lola, they're both pretty and my friends. I'm on a facetime with Lola right now, she doesn't know I'm writing this. I want to be her good friend before anything else, she reached out to me and seems to really, really care about me. She's a republican though, which is confusing because she's a wonderful person that seems to care about people. self-confidence? It fluctuates, but ever since my monolid surgery I feel a lot prettier, and people tell me I'm pretty. But I'ms still insecure and I wish I was prettier. and I also wish I was more motivated and intelligent. I think I'm pretty smart, I just don't apply myself as most people do. Mental health: I had such a strong urge to cut today, and I feel like I've been faking everything about having bad mental health and that I'm just too sensitive. It's a bad feeling and I wish it would get better soon. My therapist's name is Gabrielle, she's okay but I don't think shes really helping me, not in the way Rachael did at least. social life? Isa was an amazing roommate, a little messy and complains too much but she's the best friend I could ever ask for. She's always there for me and I know I can trust her, I do make fun of her a little too harshly, just because I could. I'm going to stop. I have a bunch of friends now! none of them are necessarily close though. I eat lunch with Jack, Sophie, Angel, and Judy and Fiona. I'm also talking to Carys and Anaya, they give me headaches because I want to be closer to them but we don't have much to talk about. I'm very jealous of Carys because of shes strong, talented, smart, opinionated, funny and pretty. It's not a good emotion. I have Kara and Sara, they're my quarantine buddies and Sara and I love to watch Timothee Chalamet movies and thirst over them There's also my east 2 friends, Gemma, Clara (Isa's girlfriend, I hope it turns out well for them) and Julia. We always have fun although I'm pretty sure none of the people in the friend group like each other very much. And there's Lola, she's special and I feel like we just click, we get high together and we watch anime, we love Saiki K. she is also very gorgeous and caring, I love her. greatest accomplishment? I came out of my comfort zone and survived with decent grades to show, I managed to make some good friends and I sought help for my mental health. the biggest problem right now? I'm struggling with my mental health and self-doubt. and the coronavirus thing is giving me a lot of stress. I also lack motivation for anything in life, especially Chemistry. meme.palette?shes at 57.5k! but its quickly going downhill, I don't know why who's your best friend? I have Isa, and Noorun, and Emma, and Lola. I love them all a lot even though I still doubt myself sometimes. which school? san Domenico! are we happy? As happy as I can be anything on college/future jobs? Mrs. May recommended some colleges for me, its stressful because I don't have a high enough GPA and SAT score. How's Junior year? It's stressful but good I hope you're in a good place right now, don't worry about things too much, and I want you to have a good time. -stella, 16

Epilogue

about 5 years later

Hi babygirl,

I love you, I love, love love your mind, your humor, your wisdom, your grace, your terrifying insight. The world has recovered from the coronavirus sometime into your...

Sah spescro tbi ,up the aacnioilppt eomyonc of olhugtah mignka ichwh nebe yet gcle,elo iltsl pcik yrae eenispgdrs a to scendo ojb eht sah. .
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Lniste n'tod anal ifyleeidnt to a dle we rme,oyna aroievft btu tofen eyr sa eshs' ilslt. Asn at you eoocidmn si radh aeclp ddealnh i who mezdaa e,b am ot a nhirteygev adn. Wath in lslti to setho ohntes, am neppahde i be to oyu mofr crvneegroi esyra apyther udngir. Sa ster hild,c as an evudrvsi up smrueoon namout a lwil aultd we dan hte ipkc i an. Lasviuiez ruoy vree i anc neigima can ahtn uoy o,wn ouy fo ne!gimia 22 digon wroyr, ltmaso yb r'eew r'otdornrh—o were' ,ywa rtbete roisensxpe nca het. .
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Uyo st'i nbteewe rmfo gea nda ot het uucertlnbe goen qnecuyerf rtesn ttha euds era n,ow ornw etnyiisnt saeprnt sdlteet nyialm rnsebdoiua to uyor asrte ngbri dnwo by. Ehva remlsbpo fo htsi ycatimni whti eusebca oyu mseo. .
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Velo teh with erfof ehtse yuo geetnl fo in e"b olv,e to eno peloep you ,settelr that w:oert nad uyor ,uolsrfey. Dnki si nto mena si eoveenyr vnereoey otn ubt. Rtage iecparct eb isltl t,raeh ma ouy as ot iwht ld,tua igtyrn i a tigunnconi ym faeclru rfmo " na wtha. ,out hogh?ut era to uoy het ywa, idfn pleeop sddo okwn astniga i,nkd meco mots by all ahwt,. Aobut sin't ihngt teh eraelzi ?ti a ot orld,w dgoo.
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Ew 22, nito tiinhw ruo got at isrft 3 fo it nad ove,l sewke ednde emrst tarlpoesihni in. No ot eth fo *** yuo eirrpsus eno own, aer. Hte d,go v'yoeu hgisnt dsia. . . Oyud' omevi eht rmeemreb novmig lhosw ton erbmreem i i to in prbeslm,o ymomre kinth dna malots eeh,attr i thast actesl dulwo me neshitgmo isingsk aaany od reyall veha. Fo huchrc lhso,oc a it eb drgiun miv"oe toalbsue asecsc dha the dluow odwlu rouy eht eeegnretda ,tehetra het ew ******* not eb ivmoe ot lnyo yb anuiterqna re"ateht gidnbaro ,yaw oyu. Tishrc essju. .
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Ghkitnin ubtoa i kpee uyo. Nithg eithvnyger at hlegipn twhi iygnl ss'ia in pirhnaloiets ahbe,etr tbu xeits,en thiw dan eanm couth, deb ocslho ni in aanay gndinca a nwo hccuhr olal ehr ni the. Sarcy, we fegnslie outba ro ot or won, ynufn it? ,lcheic oal,l anwt it sutj nsuefdco sit' renve isa, ro saw isl'ef eddsrtnaun ,aayna erew a ofr tnsi' ruo sdpessperu. Otu neve remo fo flei ecembo ubaseec puorsg we that asuebec enkw egt rradeh dlowu luwod itcerna erew echar ew ccapceenta ***, romf. .
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,uto adsterudnn itantonet riiyngretf lekbdco tkinh esoewemhr ruo —etlsei i erdtnu i yhw wsa vee'w this ro. Rewe uqere upoita gireirn,tyf dan erehw ivlde love odlwr to no ceds,no swa dptcee,ac npheo cloais evyer figiyrt,ern mnsor pdneacim you snesqereu a weer grniieftyr, rtgnyi eaecps siiarttc oryu erew asemk it gkaniw sseen eth rtryig,neif fdrsnei lisrg erpnats into yuo aws evold swa ywh weer ef,idnde a uyro ni teh oyru. It heav od eht hoatghlu by eth i tifha thta, 'eewr ntwe fo atrp a fteruu tibha aayw, owdun, lislt in yaw, uor is gonid enrev repeed. Ruo et,btre 'ist tra iths esmsadn amde. .
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Iasocl f:iel.
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Yb td'ind colo trfea sdenoc lceelo?g you het wnok ptcneoc codwsr ,ayw i fo ieehrt the the idd of nesd ryea. We edlivnov in olpe,pe nagh ni fo ehtm or vaseelr won stmo ogsrpu equre hte atreg of star. Od ,ywa touopirncd ttah nisgde adem now, nsa(+)nah and ew avviin a nad fsinedr few dmo aehv. Yb iavvnsi igg 60$0 saw reahtf tgsbieg oryu dpyae. Og,uyn an jaiyi gnised aols ppl:eeo rboguth mki mcyumotin ,kley of forospser onnijw azgmnia. Guorthb nate epcrjto awhmins your seniro mtdheier aelp tod dan yo leub ouy. Ew enve hnos,mt twne wot to ceinad,l mead ew syutd 72 dan in gennadl caotnds,l daurno ni ardoab noyjede inbge iiignvst ndsrfei we repe,uo. Adn yevuo' ermiseom abordkecpos gaspe 020 pu fo. Taveifro kicuqly lecnaid uyor fo cbaeem ritenosuc one. Aah,nnh cise,as ,ocgn herot dculine as:gw niamys peelpo. .
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Thirg cehrsera sah nuf eebn nw,o. Oigmnlo abl ew no nad ianik bnee jyo rou ofpsesorr olve whit sha alym,kaa ,su ruo gn,ge hssiet ubt. Enve cta. .
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Nrtaingol ,pibe—asttrnmitan in dan eht ofr niael,a fo ytenerti rehet dlevi twhi eecogll 'wvee ea,errc aslo aiangmz mezt ym isglr. To,o al fater lwhie therey' lniaae ni trsaedt tdgani nwo nad metz a. Ot og erh ruutfe msstera abck ilfmya eee-luraavt and rrmgpoa reh aolsg orf dan haptnilsoeir erh ezmt ot tiuq lmtnae eomh whit helhta, reh. Lifaytic tasatinss yee reac inokwgr 'iels as ho,me na fro tsnvtiamiiared an bcak. Hs'es fo reh ehr gae ganikt ihtkn y,waa erac eben ustj boatu nda me sha nthrgoaremd it eamd seadsp adh tpner,agandr. .
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Ydsa ohgtrhu in toc,as sfdreni matvsici, ,buscl wiht you a prugo tumcinoual arsb escol oyu egnpidns adem nda nad oratcn iitbn of a ohtb of era. Kwor iex,la imrasr d,hvarra) ,ysdon alb tnlceyer ahsrecer gelne,sa ni tlfe ac,eir a ybrob wo(h ni ot. Peelop inolne rclinhylaco e,hrdtae t,amrs tib rnitvab epru a urpog fo and. .
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Diilidanvu epke ym of snfierd euscor, i. Ieatitdimns nca c,coo eamdsr nerve utp yuo a urpdeptos ytslslelenre on eshow sah and tbu zledzs,a oyur ohw girfen eatlwh. .
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So ttah oodg at srcemite,ndn 'eevw vnagih ffo lfie hengdsid poleep enlgpias yas,w ectpecacan ni ruo fo ,gnhti htat rmfo aemc eogtnt redtats aitccrys aicslo tohyu htsi 'veew nad uor. Alnegirn tsju laeyrd no wtha engbi rou nad selfe rbminegmree ieminzim temuj,dsgne aiygpn to no ti iperc sre,ptne i erew' ettingg tstur ovre am dears who teref,s ,hneacittu will oanvel—lre hperayt onw in ,nthgsi rou hte rte,rahkaeb. .
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I nigmzaa rof of nad relfguat tcisierqu okol teh have of my on at tbu eetsh aer hyte ,epepol fiel ntrleota ecgpt,anci i rou woh tbu o,wn htem lla oisalc etucorni os ,masrt ay,ws taets ma gtirh adn i,s aibonitm. St'i noe a ,veha htohugt btu to rtwho ton iaisteinvnggt dogo. Efdnsri iy,aesl ekam i obuta wdluo yas i smfeyl othhgtu i eevnr thta. In laenuotonnicvn ym oleegl,c nprusigu ehialgn to d,noswu gioofnt ettsn,seri utceurl uot it gutntpi slilt sylfme ngfidni ym lod czlsioaiing ehert, rtinr,ygsefii— fmesyl em aasnw—d eht ndraou. Ti deu who rpese menrots the esdsnnki yepad ookl of dna to tub fof,. Dna i'm mduheb,l yle,ral udrop. A rsentag imootne ti's. I oyu reebtt uyor mutcnomyi, do me, tse ong,tofi dnif illw tbuod atnh on ahev neev udebsranoi aign. Be ambey oclo l,hel acn ady eno ew. Oo,cl lraley stelset het oocl of dnik ttha. Kool to frworda i it. .
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Ym hahas, rnooun dna i s,noe ,srouec yad in eekp thcou tihw ,jalani fo. .
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Ehmnoptla?imscc retastge.
Eifl sthi snipeoalrty tsyle yb o,hrts i ylgienuen wokr kibcr i i i thta kcirb dan dna am am i i ,tboiaiums a a e,nidrf lik—nei ltbui nad odog dr,ha vahe. Ot smotal neo ailaynoeinrlntt of 'eewv eeerg,d redtsnpee erhte e'wre ssepr,to geocell ned uro eth. Got nad tctmmieod nad a we nppdpeeeir tnoi pys ueyrtiisnv to ()! miuoclba. You h,y(e be cna a d !ocdrot). Now colo ew rniygt aiyhgwsh ,ot) ew recinigexs oiuodrpcnt are dierv kr,wo odgin adn ro( snegdi anc. O,h dadte ,uot on neo i,lrg dna ew eracd a cmae. I ym n,stdemi i tnhik am teh wevoher fo ureosdpt. Own no i adn mrof reglno rowk i ac,kl wrhee aplec slfmye pesrcte i mcea eulryp ormf of a adn. .
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Dase?gr.
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Eargds of koy,a yuo no dogni strme ear yemraon, uyo rea as udragate ggeitnt ni emro eon heots dsage,r rhete of sdraaw oeuyr'. ,srcarehe a cliicnla tem rof ubt ew eht yera dngoi ybo ot dhps it na koto asw si sidnci,eo ewll tnihk reatx s,mea sa rhitg eht dotya cyohlgpoys i a od hwo si i it ******* afse,mulh. .
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Hte ibstegg thrgi mboeprl ?onw.
Erongtipd mahbe,lss easrvle otsm t:easl melrsopb si ecmyono eb agnkit fomr hte in to mrput adn insodlgae ia the itsrimganm flet wra msreic seesm rvnoocuisar eo,vr ot. Gpenhniap eth eciognsde 'shrtee elarsev in olwrd. To afidar arfaid ot omemumtn nad emad ot etenrtis of and egn,dis tcmomi ivge work daarif ihnc clsygphoyo ofr nda llinacic am to nifd the i el,nysarlop a pu icecasrfi jbo, i. I ymoen aehv a ont'd todn' idfrilngre have arc, ondt' and and aveh i all htsi, a i. .
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Hwhci :slcooh.
Si!dva.
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Ear ha?ypp we.
On tbu ,teessdsr and oknwgir t,i eys a ibt. Latly,auc no. Rfea in i eilv. Able ans bjivtcyleeo ?ma hwen hwo saw i :anrsew i sa ro,em saw het ihtw sema na'ct yas own i omeo,icnd i be i phpya ehre im' dna ni say i as ot apyhp anc swa.
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On bs?oj oeuc/erftullge ynghtian.
Gib is sthi eht neqoutsi. .
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Dsar?me.
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Lopeep dsnrefi yb olco yb ,arslom knid oserlv nad adn a ocol ycit, heva wnat levi oloc ni dreoda owh rnuodrdues i pisctcuaoon to. Sndgei adn seu ym nwat to pteolnait taylnaacli i. Hdpbuisel awtn ot gint,esmho heav masll i. Dan ********* be ym urdop tnaw inaretc fo ot i. Mmo, to tehm udtrhgea ieesnvachmet imh ot awlsya tnaw oistnac eb rhono in sthi wlle taert dda, i to locse nda nad adn nad ihm nda ym eb a odgo. Fnciedton to lefe i nawt. Nwta em a nto myone aemk to 00(1k )nr of **** is to -nlgdbinmoiw i. I eb ot tawn teieennddnp. Uiaefutbl dan i nwta smtra eb to. To nad dan i deptceser nwta be anelervt wfopuelr. Tjsu y,eh ym dsiesre tihw beign neohst. .
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Os efgvroi ohep sjut sasutt htkni shonte a i at wreirt a'tnsw i iths r,tbeet ttah teh nad so,teiunprte dan my 16, pteadu ot a was igev i ntadwe oerm oot lustsennb edma inrtiwg. Ehpo wtah life pu moes nda emaddre i ym bidul ot asredm hope asylwa ew eev'w of i itsh fo ,uetr emca. I so a eb s'ti fgielen, uorpd of tsche wlil am i of i os in yo,u wrdei ti oy,u uorpd fele my. Rneev pu, good uveoy' u'eovy a e'vyou oryu tel,dest nad tgo tyerpt vgae no ehda rneve shrudoel. Eohp ifnd voel eht im' oiglnko uoy i rof. .
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22 gae a,slelt.

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