Time Travelled — 12 months

February 6, 2009

Feb 06, 2009 Feb 06, 2010

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So much has changed in a year. Left him over the summer, tried to work it out & finally just scrapped it all. There is no reasoning with a man who assumes your best friend & her wife want to fuck just because we are all close friends. I mean it just comes naturally for women right?!?!?! Even now just knowing those words came out of his mouth makes me feel slightly ill. That man needs therapy in the worst way & had us all, especially himself, fooled. Still haven't come out to the family, but then you never intended to either, did you? 'nuff said. I think your losing S by the way. All the drama and tears and compromise won't make her take care of herself. I do understand why even if she won't admit it but short of breaking her heart she'll never admit it to herself. Losing the woman who has been more sister than friend hurts on so many levels. I can't even be mad at her wife for causing all this by being petty, manipulative, jealous, & using her because S knows all this yet she stays. I'd do anything to make her happy and put it right but she doesn't want me involved and honestly I cannot deal with it any more, so the hunt for a new roommate is on. Never had to live with strangers before but maybe it will be good. I've been missing my solitude for so long I feel unbalanced. I need to focus and stop tearing my heart out over things I cannot fix. Got the scale down to 235-240 this past month. Hopefully the move closer to work will be helpful to me going to the gym more. No more needing to rush home to avoid a 2 hour commute. Been working in the const section since June btw. It's nice. No female drama or gossip, no more people breathing down my back in a thankless job. As always, I feel more comfortable working with guys. Their rough humor and bluntness is preferable to the cattiness of women. There is still that wanderlust in me but the prospect of no jobs anywhere has tamed that beast for the moment. No fun going if your going to sleep on the street. Turning 30 this year.......I'm not sure how I feel on that still. I know it's not the end of the world but I don't feel that old. I'm sure there is more but for the life of me I cannot think of anything else to say. I love you Ma Chere Haven

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