A letter from Nov 19, 2025

Dear FutureMe, it's officially been a month at college! college is everything i thought it'd be and more, and i've never been happier or more fulfilled. i don't feel homesick, but i find myself reminiscing on parts of home i swore i'd never miss. i'm in a poetry writing class for my elective, and i find myself writing about my hometown a lot. not about my family, seldom about my friends, but more just about the suburb i called home for 18 years. i miss the drive on the way to school, once-a-month parties, and the familiarity of home. i miss the feeling of wanting to leave, but i also miss the intense happiness i felt my first week being here, because i've finally achieved what i dreamed of this time last year. even if i didn't know it then (but i kind of did), this school has been exactly what i wanted. the first week being here, multiple people told me i embody my home state. as someone who's always considered herself someone who belongs up north, it's weird to see how people perceive me. i am, however, just a product of my environment. i belong in dc, boston, chicago, new york, or seattle. maybe even california. but i also belong in the fast food place near school, or the office i'd dread going every other thursday. i belong in my beautiful suv, driving aimlessly around huge houses in the rich neighborhoods to avoid studying in panera. even while writing this, i feel a pang in my heart. i don't miss it, but i look back on it with a feeling that's more than nostalgia. i lived through these moments: times where i felt unbelievably stuck in my home state, or times where i felt so grateful for the people and places around me. i appreciate the days spent sidequesting in neighboring cities, or the days spent rotting in my best friend's bed. i miss my acquaintances, and i find myself a little too overjoyed when they text me to catch up. maybe this makes me a bad person, but hearing the bad experiences of everyone else at college just makes me feel a little bit better that i'm not feeling that way. i just haven't had anything to complain about, and sometimes i'll be walking through campus with my friends or be on the way to a study session with what i can only describe as a blooming feeling in my heart. it's such an intense happiness that's so weird to experience after a year where i felt like i could barely feel anything other than nonchalance. maybe it's because i'm here, or maybe it's because i'm me. i find myself posting my wins more often; it's like i need to prove myself to everyone back home. "look guys, i'm thriving in college. you never should have called me a tryhard or doubted me. i'm going to go so far in life and you're cursed to hear about me forever." but lately, it feels like a desperate plea: "don't forget me." i know my best friends won't forget me, and my family won't. but what about the acquaintances, or the people i actively don't want to be in touch with? i don't ever want to think about them, but i want to be the one that got away. i guess it goes deeper than me not wanting to be forgotten. i want to leave behind a legacy wherever i go, leaving behind a piece of me at every stage of my life. i want people to look back on high school and remember me as the girl who was kind, cool, and successful. but as i end this letter, i know this isn't realistic. just as i have moved on with my life, everyone has moved on with theirs. in a few months, i'll just be the girl whose posts they'll see sometimes and remember i went to their high school. the only wish i have for the future is to leave an even bigger legacy at college, where my impact leaves some aspect of it better than it is now. ok time to return to my calculus homework i hope you have fun reading this!