Time Travelling — 3 months

dear me

Apr 12, 2004 Jul 12, 2004

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, As of right now what i feel in my heart is uncertainty. And it scares the shit out of me. I usually have total control over my thoughts, what goes on in my life, and what I am feeling. I usually have that "gut instinct" and know what to do next. But lately the uncertainty of my thoughts have been throwing me off balance and my gut instincts are not telling me what i should be doing next. My mind and heart are at two different places...and I find myself as lost as ever. Have I figured out what i want to do with my life? Is the one thing that is the most secure and stable not present as of right now? Did i make the right decision...am i going to regret it? I hope i didn't make the biggest mistake in my life...if i actually had the courage to do so... Am i still living my wild college days vicarously through others? Did i get that summer position that 23 others are competiting for? Is this thee summer that i have a little more sense of who i am and what i want in life? Did I pass all my classes and stop being so apathetic in school and everything else...did i get my passion back? The passion to MAKE it in life? ....or did i fall into the mindset of settling for a future medicre lifestyle?...Did my little brother end up graduating high school? Are my parent's a little bit less stressed than they are under? Did i build up the courage to remove my tumor? Are my friends doing okay? Am i still close to the ones who are dear to me..and also was i able to rekindle those I once knew...did i make any new friends that will also make lasting impressions? I know three months isn't too long..and i should send this to myself in a year or something..but I am so very damn impatient..and well ..a lot can happen from now till then anyway...Its late and i'm tired of these thoughts....see you in 3 months.. -jen

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