END OF THE WORLD (futureme.org letter)

Dear FutureMe, I'm writing this letter because according to Wikipedia's list of apocalyptic predictions, the world should end sometime in the next month. (The article merely says a vague "September 2016.") Jesus is going to return or something. Whatever happens, if this Biblical prediction is correct, your atheist ass is screwed. I think it'd be a good idea to throw a party for such an occasion. And have sex with A (assuming you're still with him). And maybe you could eat an expensive meal somewhere. That sounds lovely, I think. Have a nice apocalypse, friend. I love you, as always! (Here's to hoping it's all bullshit, like the rest of the predictions have been thus far!) -you/me/us (4.30.2013)