A letter from February 9th, 2013

Dear Tong, "I know no one can beat you. You won't let them." --it's not true. You're always likely to be beaten by yourself. I wonder if you have the will I always wish for. Are you still wondering why you're always putting everything off till tomorrow and the day after tomorrow? Are you feeling there's nothing worth fighting for? Is your ridiculously awesome luck still there protecting you from every possible harm? Has it run out? Do you remember when it was that I sent this letter and how I felt writing these lines? Do you remember how optimistic I felt about you and are you the one I wished to become? I cannot get an answer from you and I don't want one. I can't say I love you whatever you are because I don't. I hate to see the sight of a loser.  The emptiness has been transferred to you. But it doesn't come from others. It comes from your heart. Are you still fighting with it? Have you got rid of it? Or you've already yielded to it? You'll miss me. And you might forgive me easily and blame it all on who you will be tomorrow.  Stop it. If you're still suffering from the pain I'm suffering now, listen carefully: It won't change if you don't change.  You'll die nobody because you're simply a normal person with a little bit more talent than others. Just a little bit more. If you're not fighting it, you'll never get over it. It'll haunt you for the rest of your life. All the dreams you have are babbles. The man you wish to find and spend your life with, your three kids and a Labrador in your big house, your cars, Porsche and Aston Martin--they don't come to you. You go for them. Films, best-sellers, comics, puppy-love--they're just the meager neon light compared to the sunshine of radiating glamour and happiness you're going to posses in your life.  They said saying your determinations on the New Year's Eve is useless because after all, that night is still one of the nights. But I'm writing this down after four days spent among useless novels, comics and films which should have been spent on study. I hope you've already forgotten that feeling.  I sincerely wish you the best, Tong. I love you.  2013.2.9's Tong