Oh no..... (OPEN ME, TOM!) Part 2

Dear FutureMe, So here we are again. You just received your first email from the past via the Forbes.com E-Mail Time Capsule experiment. Unfortunately you realize now that it would have been a lot cooler to receive an email 10 years later rather than five. However... You located another website -- futureme.org -- that claims it could send you more emails later... So this is my life. I was previously concerned with remaining single for the rest of my life. Funny thing is I get the email and I am now single again, but I've had fun escapades in-between. There was, if my memory serves me correctly: Nicole (/shudder) Colleen (Well I doubt you'll ever forget about her) Jen (I'll likely forget parts. She really was a shame. Everything could have been perfect.) Colleen/Kate/Now. Lol. Remember Kate? From Church? Yeah you met her recently, had a fun romping for a couple weeks... Ditto with Colleen again. However as of yesterday you are pretty sure the stuff with Colleen has come to an end, with no hope to really see her, romantically, ever again. Though that says nothing about seeing her erm... ;) Not to be too crude... But I've got nothing else to do in the mean time... Mom passed away, of course, a year after the initial writing of the email. Things have been ok... Matt moved out, got married to Michelle in April 2010. Dad has a fiance, and has been on and off with Britt for months/years... Not so much anymore. I'm getting more and more fed up with being in the house alone with dad but I certainly don't know what will change once Diane moves in... I just want to be left alone now as it is and that certainly isn't going to happen if she moves in. Though something tells me she'll still bother me less. My life? Well. ... Had a couple of jobs, Publisher's Clearing House, Little Village, Developmental Disabilities Institute, and might be moving onto FEGS soon. Might be. Would be a nice job I think, making almost twice as much as I'm maing now. The kind of salary people don't have a problem living with a roommate on. That probably won't happen though. Regarding relationships. I have no clue what's going on in that department, and I've got it worked out in my head that if I can reduce my sex drive I'll be a better 'human.' But then again Sex and Anxiety are the last two things keeping me human. So I don't know where that would leave me. Seeing a therapist, Dr. Brett, for the anxiety. Probably going to end up on Paxil, as I'm also having heart issues related to anxiety. Orthopedic Surgeon recommended I go to PT for my knee, totally not going to do that. I don't know why I'm so against it. But I'm not going to do it. Also I hurt my arm recently at DDI and have been out of work for almost 2 months now. My manager is being a huge bitch about it. I recently discovered how awesome some of the music of Alanis Morisette and Natalie Imbruglia and Evanescence is. Spelling optional. I believe that we define ourselves by the relationships we have with others, and I'm starting to feel as if I've been ruined for love. The things I've experienced in the last couple of months have given me a beautiful picture of what love is. I feel like I'm but words away from being able to define it better than any artist has tried in the past millennia, and the bitch of it appears to be that while I’ve gained the knowledge of what love should be, I’ve lost the hope that I’ll ever find it. Reminds me of how Jen felt when we broke up. She said she finally realized everything that has been going wrong, only to be faced with the simultaneous vanishing of ‘love.’ And I hate to end on that note though. Leads me to believe that I’m obsessed with her. Which I claim to not be, and I don’t think that I am. I’m obsessed with the idea of what she could have been. She was very close to perfect. No she wasn’t. Actually not in the slightest, but I loved her before I knew what love was, and during that time I still had hope for love. I got into nursing school at SCCC. By the time you open this, you should have been a practicing nurse for approximately two years. Congratulations, I hope. And I wish you the best of luck in building your empire of solitude. I wish it to not be folly to also pass luck in that you may share your empire with someone, but at this time I find myself unable to say that. I’m sure that there will be women, I’m just not so sure about love. Sincerely yours, forever in truth, and always with you; Thomas