Happy 30th Birthday from YOURSELF! Remember?

Dear FutureMe, Happy 30th Birthday! How are you? I don't even know if you'll remember this, but I'm sending this to you, or me, on your/my 30th birthday. From now on, I'm going to say "I" instead of "you" to make writing this letter less complicated. Right now I am 22. It's October 30th, 2007 and the official time is 1:22 AM. I hope you are happy. I hope everyone in the family is happy. How are Mom & Dad? Are they doing okay without any kids in the house? Have any of the sister been married yet? I just went to a movie with Erin, and told her how much I really do like Jon. I hope they are married now. If so, tell them that when I was 22 I knew it was going to happen. If they aren't, then tell Erin I hope it didn't end badly, because they were both good people. Are Mam-ma, Pap-pa, and Grandma still around? It's such and odd feeling asking that question, because right now I still have not had anyone super close to me die. I'm really afraid of what it is going to feel like, because I know they are all getting older, and some or all may not go for another eight years. I just hope it wasn't too painful for you, and I hope you know how much they loved you. I hope Mam-ma was okay when Pap-pa left, it pains me to think of what she'll experience when he's gone. She such an amazing woman, but she won't have anyone to take care of when he's gone. Instead we'll take care of her the best we can, I suppose. My biggest fear is a family member dying. I don't even want to think about it, but if, by chance, it has happened, know that you loved everyone and everyone loved you, and that this idea was shared often. They are still with you, and are proud of you, I'm sure. And you are still here, and you are okay, and you've gotten through it. Watch a Wes Anderson film, they always make you feel like death doesn't have to be feared (Just saw The Darjeeling Limited tonight: fantastic). I very much want to travel. I'll be going to Ireland in March of this next year, and I'm hoping it's an amazing experience. I'm hoping to couchsurf, and I'm hoping to get over to Europe. Was it amazing? Did it inspire you to travel more? Did you meet a wonderful man and bring him back to the States and give him babies? Haha, I make myself laugh. I hope by now you've had more successful relationships than the ones you've had so far. Right now I've had two that are significant: Mike & Ryan. Mike had too much emotion, and Ryan had none. I need to find a balance. I hope you have. If you aren't married, do not be hard on yourself. I think we all grow up thinking life will be just what we want it to be, but really, our level of control is limited. I still try to control my life too much, and control how I appear to other people. I'm working on fixing that right now. I hope the future me, you, is more relaxed. I hope people don't tell you you're too tense, like they do to me now. If you are with someone, I hope they are what you wanted and I hope they make you happy. Make sure that he makes you happy, if not, get out of it and live your life. If you aren't happy, you aren't living your life. How is Caitlin? Right now she's going back to school in NYC, and getting frustrated with the apathetic students and teachers that surround her. Show her this letter when you get it. Both of you are great friends now, and she'll love to know how concerned I was about her at the time. I want her to be happy more than anything, and finally be able to see clearly what she wants. And find a guy that fits with her. I hope she's traveled as well, and I hope you two have taken a road trip. If you haven't, you should, now. I love you Caitlin! How is Erin? I already asked about Jon, but what did she end up majoring in? Does she like her job? I've always been secretly jealous of how confident she seems to be, how comfortable she is with herself. We've had fun since she moved in as a freshman here at IU. I see a lot of myself in her, and almost feel like her mother sometimes. College teaches you a lot, but you can't just tell someone. They have to experience themselves, so that's what I'm letting her do. She's so great, and I'm so proud of her. I can't wait to see what happens. I love you Erin! And how is little Mary? When I think of Mary I just smile, she's always made me smile. And she's so smart, getting great grades in high school. Has she become a doctor? An eye doctor? Always thought she'd be good at that. Again, I feel like her mother as well. Whenever I picture her, it's her little self in a kindergarten outfit. I sense the same unconfidence and self-doubt in her that I possess, and that causes us as the peace-makers to get walked on a little more than most people. Make sure Mary is living the life she deserves. I love you Mary? And Mom. I've been distant at school recently because I'm so busy, and I really miss seeing her all the time. I think because I'm not home as much we're drifting away from what we used to know about each other. I'm in a big stage of religious questioning, I just hope she understands me completely. She's a wonderful amazing person, and she's always been there for me. I want Mom to be doing things for herself now, doing what SHE wants to do. If she isn't, show her this letter and tell her that the 22-year-old Kelly says it's an order. I love you Mom! And how is Dad? Pops? I can't put into words how proud of him I am and his victory against alcoholism. One night I had a nightmare that he started drinking again, and we all fell behind and became stuck in the same rut we were all in in the beginning. But he never will, I know it. He's so happy now, he'll just tell me out of the blue how happy he is, and I know he means it. He's getting sad lately because he realizes his little girls are growing up and leaving the house. I hope he took it okay and that he and Mom are living their life right. Tell Dad to find a hobby! He has to stay busy. Go fishing with him, you miss going fishing. I love you Dad! Kelly, I don't know what else to say. I really wish you could write me back. The most advice I can give: Life goes by really fast. Appreciate every day, do what you want because you may not be here tomorrow. Tell everyone you love that you love them all the time. Stay spontaneous, stay with your dreams. I love you. Happy 30th birthday. Love Kelly P.S. If you do not have a dog yet, GET ONE. =)