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Dear FutureMe, Wow you are 40! How old do you feel? Or are you still acting like a child and finding fun at any good opportunity. It is NYE 2006. And am quite content for one of the first times in my life. I had invites to go out tonight. But just wanted to stay home with my ipod and download my songs. I know a loser. But what a fun trip down memory lane. So excited when I found songs I did not know I even had. A lot of songs are reminding me of LA. I do miss it dearly, but was just a pathetic drunk out there. Well still drinking a bit here. but that will stop tomorrow. So we shall see. I am doing a lifestyle change. Not dieting, but thinking about what I put in my mouth and partaking in activities to make me burn calories. I do not believe in exercise. Tonight...I am wearing size 29 Earl jeans, a cute small lacy pj top, and a blue medium old navy sweatshirt. Cute huh? What size are you now? For over four years I wanted and craved and desired to be with a certain someone. After many years of wanting this certain someone, I had the opportunity to give it a whirl with the English Guy. it did not work. No regrets. Actually realize I wassn't missing anything....but misery. I do miss talking to him. He was one person I could tell anything. What I got out of that relationship...was the jump to move out. well b/c he was moving in with me. Closer to my family. And well seeing what I do not want. I don't want to always be the single fun aunt. I hope I have found love in this time. As I write this...I have found love in myself. I Love who I am, what I do and what I stand for. It took a long while. But it was worth the wait. I do not regret anything I have done. It was a tough path, but it got me to where I needed to be. I don't want to leave you with a checked off list of things that you need to accomplish, because things change and I am confident that you are strong enough to get the most out of life. But here is what I am desiring now. knowing that things change. But here is what you wanted 8 years ago.... Right now today I... would like to meet someone that will commit to me. I don't need to marry him, but feel I have a lot to share and would love to have someone let me into their life. That is something that has never happened. do not want children. I hear, from several people, that will change when I meet the right person. It scares me though. want to buy a house. Not a condo. I would like a yard for plants and a room to paint and do arts and crafts. want to travel lots. See many new places. If do not have time to travel, then venture out to new places where I live. Discover what my hometown has to offer. And lastly... what to take care of my body. I want to be that skinny girl I was 4 years ago. Size 27 Seven Jeans, Strapless tops, See through tops, mini dresses and tiny string bikinis. (ok that sounds bad. but the tops were expensive and classy) I dont need to be rocking out at the hottest club in town, because I have not done that in years. But it would be nice to be that skinny girl again. Well I guess I am now a woman. If I have grown up. Well no pressure on any of this. If you are chubby I still love you. But come on...noone wants to be fat! None of the above matters. What matters is that you wake up everday and embrace every opportunity that is in front of you. You get to choose how you react to every situation. You have spent too much time being the victim. Hope you are enjoying life and loving yourself. If not there are some great antidepressants...inside joke Anyway...I love you. Please take care of yourself and Be Safe...and Have Fun!!!! Me!