Time Travelled — almost 3 years

A letter from May 15th, 2020

May 15, 2020 May 15, 2023

Epilogue

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, It's been 2 months since we went into lockdown. The world outside is empty. Tumbleweeds blow through Time Square. The Sidney opera house is silent. The Mona Lisa has to make do with small snippets of attention from a passing security guard who, frankly, isn't convinced she's all that. The only places still bustling are Intensive Care Units. We still don't know when it's all going to end, and my anxiety is mounting. I'm almost paralysed by it. It's impossible to know how much of my fear is altruistic... a kind of existential pain for a world that's suffering. The truth is, I think, that most of my anxiety is shallow, selfish. I'm upset I can't hug my mum, that she's in another country and it could be months, even a year, before I get to see her again. I'm worried that I'm too stupid or lazy to complete my dissertation. My Masters degree hangs in the balance. Complexities surrounding placements and Coronavirus mean that it could be another year before I'm qualified, and this uncertainty panics me. Beneath that is a fear that I'm not sure I even want to be qualified, and that beginning a career in the health service currently feels wholly overwhelming. In a way, the millions of ill and dead and destitute and abused show the folly of my petty worries. My privilege, my luck, to be young and healthy and pursuing a post graduate degree. But the fear still remains, a panic that my body can't forget no matter what my mind tries. I try to forgive myself, because I am unwell. Mental illness is a part of my story. Fear, dread, depression. Sometimes I find myself unable to move. Sometimes it turns into pain, nausea, fever, like my mind is overflowing and poisoning my body. But I meditate, and I breath through it, and I try to live a life that makes sense, that isn't about staying safe. I'm in love too. He squeezes me tight when it all gets to much. He moors me to the surface of the earth so I don't float away. He's something physical to touch. Something beyond the anxious uncertainty of social media with its unread messages and ambiguous emojis. I'm 24 next week. There's something to that. There's something powerful about knowing that time is still passing even as we're all standing still. I enjoy my birthdays. I'll drink champagne, and eat cake. I'll open gifts. I celebrate being as loved as I am. Being young, and beautiful, and being in love with a handsome man who fully embraces even my defects. I won't ask you any questions, future me, even though I have many. I'm sure I know all that I need to. I hope that you still meditate. I hope you are still in love. I hope you are filled with gratitude when you hug your mum. I suppose I am writing to remind myself that there is a future. Now, more than ever, glib remarks about apocalypse and the inevitability of ***** have become commonplace. It feels as if this virus has turned us all into Nihilists. But I believe in survival, kindness, and the human spirit. And I believe in you. Best Wishes, future you. xx

Epilogue

2 days later

Dear Past Me,

Thank you for your letter. The notification flashed up while I was on a treadmill at the gym. I felt shocked for a moment. It was like...

Ghierna tbu ouy fedn,ir rleayb a delvo hdlcidhoo anc oseemno bmmereer form wno dylpee econ. A tbu are you esls r,eitlhg fwe me pesxreneice none tub m,e het. .
.
Drgdgae oyasaplpec i ofr no het tawn ognl n'dot hwo ellt to you. Esacebu wl,'tduno atwn i i peho you i if neve to no'lwdut oels lc,dou. I,vuvdesr to i etebrt are yuo ownk that btu for it tnwa dan you uoy owdlu. Nkow ahpyp ouy antw uwdol ot are taht uoy i. .
.
Yruo leta you wksee yonl regede 6 ndsiefhi. Syae ti as'nwt. You coreinseg yruo eht mdin etterl nsolgi fo i etsblu ni ibgnignens ruoy. Tgo refebo ti wosre rbeett otg it. Cesrogedni orf het ryfluoes rmrrio uyo e,wihl a rybeal in. .
.
Oyru erwe nhew thiw oyu be bkac irgtwni yuro you evmdo to paretns ot iotdietsnras enalrid. Ryifobdne a rof it wsa eb wsa ,tbu be hdar aedrrh ew,ilh form ot oruy aayw rtegoeht to it. To dinms os ot ew grniud uehrdsod orteh xtyaien htta dcoolknw ayds nad beacem rou ssnrertag eshot yheva ovseulres heca yleelmctop. .
.
Te,msi the ckab, eevr ntah ew dnofu rou enbe 'ewev ayw esortnrg hrad hghtrou. Bdrcemee 0022, in he opdrpeos. Shi oyu sa rea crebangitle neo hmont wfei year your raaernnyvsi tenx. Aegriarm is. . . Wlel. . . Wfie, dtn'o idlay ouy i einmiag tdrie his of jyo eht tnkih yuo nteof nbige thhogu onwk i veah udcol isbpoyls. At fo many ehav nwgeddi veen popele ont teh tme uryo uyo lfrnwdueo so. Eon ,ernpso 'anwts yaslaw uohhttg hetre, eb you owh wudol. Uoy lleptemocy you etl os dniitve ehs ondw even a'nwts ehs dan ahtt uhtr. Yuo is a to rgenrsta hse onw. .
.
Na etsr,tahip nad eno uyo cnipaooacltu ogdo are a. Uyo oyur ovel job. Ew,ek bene rokw uyo an,d ricsitphayc ni siht hvea sotp piotslha fllayin wgianre ksmsa fatfs to wlladoe a hte. The hhguot it it taeylcx ohw eervn asw ash aomln,r liwl ereturnd ordlw be ebeorf to eaynrl. .
.
Deeenkw uoy ear htis 27. Eebctlare oryu ot oyu ot aplodn (!) gaknti budahns is. Aer realtv ouy kile uyo ereehrvw to reef. Uoy oyu ubt eeitamtd, frndsei oryu mapc, a loas oyu yuo og thiw ylc,ce twcei ot ygm sltil week teh. Os up owdlr ot i,anag yuo ash froef ot nedepo ear igtrheeyvn ti sah enop adn eth. It admcnipe vage a lot ,otl too ubt a the ouy ookt. Nonact htta daetef oewrhithwl is raef ,uyo ti eksma ouy dna efli veol ghrtiveney royu strh,o si life osehwd. .
.
,oelv of solt.
.
Uertuf u,yo.

This user has written an update to this letter.To see what they wrote, please


tamekagriffiths1995:

about 2 years ago

💕💕💕

cerna.bara:

about 2 years ago

I teared up reading your letter <3

It feels like a whole different life ago.

I hope you are doing amazing wherever you are - and whoever you are and is reading this.

We made it through <3

5w6h7vjtym:

about 2 years ago

This is the most emotional I’ve ever felt. You described perfectly how I was feeling when the world went silent.

mucadream:

about 2 years ago

Thank you for sharing. Thank you for updating. You’re a very good writer and I’m so happy things worked out well for you.

emarchuk477:

about 2 years ago

I have two words for this... Emotional, Inspiring.

Thank you for inspiring me.

www.namayranuba:

about 2 years ago

We did it luv! We made it! Hope you're happy. Thank you for holding on. I'm proud of you <"3

ayafk37:

about 2 years ago

I hope you graduated girl <3

biaroscoe:

about 2 years ago

loved that ✨ It translates many feelings all of us had been through

kate.johnston-zemek:

about 2 years ago

I have almost forgotten what lockdown felt like... It was so long ago!

cr106452:

about 2 years ago

thank you for sharing this, I honestly cried after reading, lock down was something that damaged us all... but we made it! we are all blessed to be alive aren't we! (ɔ◔‿◔)ɔ ♥

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