A letter from September 1st, 2014

Dear FutureMe, Wow, taking a risk at a difficult time. Are you sure that you want to remember this? Probably not, but sometimes you gain a lot of perspective from these exercises. So, here goes. You are coming off the weekend at the beach with a lot of friends. It was a blast and something that you needed to do. Really nice people and a really nice time. Also, playing a gig in Connecticut that was really fun. But the important thing is that this was the week that you sent the letter to her parents. Still not really sure if they read it or if they did anything. I hope that everything turned out okay. You did what you could for that girl and you can't go back and second guess it all. She was absolutely in danger and you were watching it all from the front row. You had to do something. Sitting by and watching her hurt herself was taking a terrible toll on your heart. So no matter the outcome, just remember that your intentions were very good and that you tried to help her. What she did from here was up to her. You never controlled her choices. You aren't responsible for her actions. You stood up, showed some courage and you asked for help. What more could you have done? Still, the whole thing has made you very sad. I hope that the sadness didn't last too long. I hope that you were able to find those elusive things, love and happiness. You deserve both. Why can't you seem to find them? She was the closest you have come. I hope that you were able to do something positive for her. I hope that she is okay. If she is not, I am very sorry. I certainly don't want you to revisit something terrible. But that is a definite possible outcome. The important lesson here is that you truly loved her. In fact, you may have loved her more than she deserved at the time, because she wasn't ready for an adult relationship with someone like you. That is on her, not on you. You wanted something that she couldn't give. You wanted the real thing. She wanted to party. I hope that you have let it all go. Not what you wanted. But the best of all possible outcomes would be if she got help. If she isn't dead. If she's sober. I hope you got these things. You paid dearly for them, that much is certain. Okay, well focus on your career. It hasn't been terrible this time around and you've learned a lot. These are important things to consider as you move forward. You're probably consumed with taking the next step. Just remember what it was like before you left your last job and how much better things are now before you run off and do something rash. You deserve a real shot at the next level. Don't settle for anything less. You deserve to be with a girl who will reciprocate all the wonderful gestures. Don't settle for anything less than that either. Don't settle. Sad (but hopeful) you from 2014 PS. I hope that you kept working out. You did a good job up until now. Just follow through.