Screw-up party!

Dear Luna, Now, let's see...I'd like to say happy birthday, because I just decided to write this to my 17 year old self. Hey, surprise. I hope you're kickn' fun there at Canada. Oh shit, Canada. There's no reality in saying the word...I just got my forwarded 'you're officially accepted!' e-mail yesterday, so I think it's safe to say that I'm going. ...I am, right? I still think that it was some kind of sick joke that I got that phone call, and even after I all got the application papers and shit, I don't really believe my going to Pearson. The first month I see, hmmm? I bet that you're going through this tough time. I know it. Maybe you're splattered in self-hate, and think that you shoud never have gone there in the first place. No, effing, way, Luna. You've made it that far, you can manage some two year life there! Do you have any idea how much it costs??? ...well, yeah, I know you do. But that's not the point. Maybe you're despairing, maybe homesick. But listen to me here; would you want to come back here? Gaggling girls, faking feelings, noting nonsense, prying the past, no, you wouldn't want to be here. I'm trapped here, and I'm going to be freed soon. AND, you're the one who's free there, don't mess it up because you'll regret it. Well, there may be some factors I might want to go back. First, meeting my family should be nice. Okay, I'll book a catfight with my brother tonight (just kidding). And the food. Well, you'll get used to it. And you're not on top anymore. Yeah, it must be hard getting along with being the "low than average" group, but listen, f*cking study if you want to be on top. It's that simple. At least I hope it is. And probably the most stupid factor of all; him. *sighs* I'm going through crazy times, Luna. He's still in my head, everywhere, and it's just so frustrating. I still can't listen to 'happy in love' songs on my iPod. I don't think there'll be anyone like this. I can't let go, Luna. Maybe if I let go, like Avril in "Let Me Go", or at least try to find someone else like in "Someone Like You", things just might change. But I don't want it to change. I hate him making me love him, but I like myself being in love with him. I don't want to try loving someone else, because the bane of me is occupied by a certain MJ jerk. I still haven't had my school festival before. I'm guessing that it will be Case 2. Oh, look into today's log of Snuffkin, you'll see. I don't want to know how it turned out, but you'll be in Canada anyway, right? Are you already over it? Am I overestimating my feelings for him? Or am I underestimating it? Maybe you can't even breathe everyday because you're so far away and torn away from an essential piece of your heart. That'll be painful, but at least I'll still be true to him. I don't want to move on. I just can't get myself to move on. I think that might be the most painful thing of all. Moving on. Well, as a hopeless romantic, I'm depending on the school festival to break my heart or not. Please don't break me. Please don't break me. Please don't leave without saying something. You don't know how much I depend on your words. I'm longing for your voice. I need to hear it so badly. You with the sad eyes, with the Magic day already done, don't say anything. Don't ever. I'm still going to figure it out. I should focus on my fantasies while it lasts. But again, my fantasies will never stop, even in Canada, I guess. It never has stopped. I hope for every hopeless fantasy. Yep, I'm hopeless. Oh, but maybe you've gone over the whole thing, and you already have a bf! (gasp!) ...wait, did you say something about shutting up? No, I didn't hear you. (Suckers!!!) At least I got to share my own misery with myself. On her birthday. Whoops, I'd forgotten about that. So, seventeen. You're so old. You're almost done with your teens! But what can I say, besides "Today is the first day of the rest of your life"? Got the message? Good! Did you get your surprise from your UWC gang? Even if you didn't, don't screw up, it's only September. You've got a long road ahead of you. Aha, I bet you have loads of homework! Am I right? Well, turn off whatever electronic device you're reading this on, and get working! You know that you'll regret it if you didn't...*sneers* Sorry about that. Well, I wonder now why we have to celebrate when we get older, but anyway, happy birthday. This is your totally-screwed-up-and-lovesick sixteen year old self. Yep, hi, well, nice to meet ya. I hope my seventeen year old self is more conserved. Well, screw that part, I don't care if you're lovesick or a complete letdown, just have fun with your life. Yeah, that part's true. See you in the future. Oh, yeah, I will never forgive you if you don't write yourself another letter. I mean it, Luna. Well, maybe after your homework. Yes, that sounds good. This was your birthday present from the past...lucky you.