Older (hopefully wiser) Jamie,
On the day you wrote this, you were in love with a girl who has over the last 3 months or so become one of your best friends.
You were head over heels for this girl since the first few days of starting to work with her (about a year since reading this). She was goofy and innocent and big hearted. She was truly amazing in a way that you have never witnessed. In all likelihood she is STILL all of these things and more and if you don't think so its because you've told yourself not to believe it.
After months of dancing around it and her hinting that she knew, you childishly chose to ignore her for days and cause what was one of the worst things you've ever done and make this sweet and caring girl cry because she thought she destroyed a friendship.
Thankfully, you confronted her and told her everything. She had a boyfriend at the time (you knew this) and for that reason or perhaps others, she did not feel the same way.
On the day you wrote this, you were forever changed. You were honest and vulnerable and open in a way that you have never been... with anyone... ever. And she listened. She was supportive and understanding. You didn't think people were capable of being this great. You've been in her shoes and have done nothing.
Its heartbreaking that you cant have her. You're convinced that you're in love someone for the first time but used the words "massive crush" instead so as not to freak her out completely. You've had sleepless nights and drunken stupors and said idiotic things because her being unavailable drove you to.
You were a complete mess over this girl. She has been the only thing on your mind since you met her and you've told her that. You're positive at this moment that you could be perfect together and that she just doesn't see it. You're completely addicted to her company and while you appear calm on the surface you're a wreck whenever you're alone in a room.
On the day that you wrote this, you decided it would be good to stamp your current feelings in this time and this place and in this situation to show yourself that things get better.
You should probably show her this email. If you're still as close as you imagine you'll be it will make for a good read and a few jokes. If you feel the same as you did when you wrote it- show her anyways... prove to her that its something more.
This girl is unlike anyone you've ever met and she loves a good romantic read... whether its old news or current confessions.
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