A letter from January 1st, 2014

Dear FutureMe, It's weired, writing this while waiting for my first letter I sent year ago to arrive. I know that I'm supposed to forget it about it, but I could not. This is me who is writing, and it is going to be me who read this one year ahead, if I am still alive that is. Dear Me, do u belive that the one u who wrote this letter was wiping away his damn unshed tears before they gather and fall? It's kind of deppressing, but u love being depressed don't u ? u r sick, and that is what u r. Why I loved the idea of sending letters to my future self? Was it because there was'nt anyone who I could talk to? No, that's a lie. I love myself, I loved talking to myself instead of talking to others. The one year younger than hated talking to the others about his thoughts, r u still the same? Hopefully yes, because u know as much as I do that no one want to hear these rabbles of yours. Living all these years has made me know, although I was surrounded by poeple almost all the time, I'm awfully alone. I love my freinds, yes. And I would do anything for them, mostly. But my biggest mistake was following them, thinking they would be with me all the time if I did this... I was wrong. I should have known that from the biggening. I don't need anyone, all I need is to be my true self but... Who am I.. Truely. My father was the one who let this question sink in my mind. I should'nt give a damn, right? and I do not. Years r flying fast, and when I turn my eyes I don't see anyone standing beside me, what's so bad about me? I am not trying to be accepted by anyone, hell that is not who I am. I only watch them leaving so fast and wonder, I have never tried to reach for anyone, and I won't. Thank u god, for giving me such a good family, for giving me such a good sisters and brothers, because of them I was never alone. Although all I did til now was complaining about bing alone, I perfer being alone most of the time, I am not so keen on talking to ppl and such, as I said before, I don't want anyone, all I did was wondering. I know It is my bad because I always push ppl away when they try to appraoch me. but even so, they never had tried enough. I am more than fine as long as I have my Games and animes, there is no need for ppl, no? Hope u will be over these condradtions of yours soon. Be happy, and.... happy birthday! love ya.