A letter from July 24th, 2013

Dear FutureMe, Hi there. You're only going to be reading this a year from now, which means we're twenty! I'm already excited to be breaking free from the teen years and just moving on to the next chapter in my life. By the time you read this, so many things will be different, I'm sure. I wish I were you already just so I could know the answers to all the questions and worries I have for you. We're kind of a worry wart aren't we? I wonder if you'll be dating Ryan still- if he's different too. I feel bad saying this, you know... but you're the only one who knows as well as me how and who he is. He doesn't really evolve or grow very much. I'm just worried that you'll forever be bound to him because you "love" him, and that you won't be strong enough to really lay down the line and let go when it needs to be done. Heck, it practically already needs to be done now! But I feel guilty saying that because I know I can't let go of him yet, I still love him deep down. I just don't want you to be as low as you were when your heart was broken that first time. I don't want you to lose all respect for yourself, and do all those things you did, with all those people... all over again. It's not fair to you, ya know? You're smart, and lovely, and beautiful. You deserve someone who's smart, lovely and beautiful and who respects you infinitely. Who encourages you to go after your dreams, supports them all even if they don't seem realistic, or even if they're not included in them at all. Someone who has their shit figured out, and has dreams of their own. Someone who will mess up the sheets with you as many times as you want, someone who will take you out to fancy dinners, or walk with you through the old port, ice cream in one hand, your hand in the other- just enjoying the beauty of the night by the water, and breathing in your company like it's what he survives on. Someone who will wake up and make you breakfast once in a while, who will read books, and know about art (or at least listen to you when you talk about Rembrandt, or Monet or Picasso) and someone who will inspire you to write with reckless abandon, and let you be the best you can be. You deserve that. I hope you know that a year from now... you deserve all the happiness in the world. DO NOT, by any means, settle for less, because you know you'll be miserable. You have eyes for adventure, culture, art and passion. Find the person who matches all of it, and together you'll build upon each others' dreams. No pressure to do it all by next year, though. Keep your focus in school. You'll be starting university soon, and I really hope you got into the school and the program you were after. Keep your focus, because you're gonna be that professor that students snatch up right away when making their schedules, the kind of teacher like Ali Welik, or like Sarah Venart. The people that are passionate and inspiring and have a lasting impact on their pupils. And maybe you'll be a published author, and daddy will smile and say good job, and mommy will say "I knew it! I'm so proud of you baby!" and Nikki will tell everyone about your book or your article or your poem or whatever it is, and wear her bragging-about-my-amazing-big-sister smile. Even if that's all not by next year, remember that it's all possible. When things seem dark, know that you can always fall back on yourself. You'll always be there, waiting for your signal to shine your light in the direction you're needing to go in. Make time to read books, exercise, and explore. The entire world is your playground, and you'll never be too old to play on it. Concentrate on yourself more than anything. All the problems we have now, you probably won't even think twice about. Okay, maybe you will. But it won't keep you up at night like it does now. I just want you to remember that there will always be all kinds of bullshit you'll have to navigate through, but make sure you're always navigating towards what's in your heart, straight into the depths of your soul, which is the only labyrinth you should ever allow yourself to become lost within. Whatever you do, remember yourself. Nobody is ever going to do anything for you that is good enough for you but you. So don't ever let yourself go. I'll hang on tight for you. With love, R