A letter from September 24th, 2011

Dear FutureMe, What are you living for? Right now, I don't really know. I hope you do, but I do know that I'm figuring it out. There are so many things I wish I could change about us, but right here, in this moment tonight, I realize that I don't care. I will do those things, I hope that you have, but I know that what I really want is to radiate life and love, and to just....be happy about myself. That seems to be a thing that I've never really managed, and if I could wish one thing for you, in your time, it's that you've accomplished it. God has been so good to me, and no matter what happens down the road, I hope that you still know and cherish that fact. We will never be whole without his love. I realized the other day that I've stopped myself from dreaming...not really just dreaming, but dreaming BIG...remember when we were so little and had such a big idea about what we would accomplish? I want that back...I want that vision in my life. Lauren told me the other day at work that she thought I radiated innocence...I've held onto that for the past couple of days, and I hope you can still claim that in your life. That childlike wonder...that's what I want...the effortless love. This is the real turning point in my life, and this is the first time that I've had to look out in the abyss, not knowing what my next step will be. You are my in my mind's eye, a vision of everything God is working to create in my life. Ha, is this too much pressure? I hope that we've learned finally to dive out into the waves of his love...I hope He has set your course. I hope this is the best birthday of them all. Smile! You are 24 today. Hoping and Praying, Me