Dear FutureMe,

Happy 27th!! Wow. 27 years on this earth. Let me remind you what you're doing at this moment in your life. :)

Right now, I'm on the verge of a fellowship with E.W. Scripps, in Knoxville, TN. I've been desperately looking for jobs since August 2010, and have had a few promising interviews -- but no go yet. I've been offered an internship with AJC Seattle Jewish Film Festival, but decided to decline (paid only $300/mo, and I'm sick of babysitting to make ends meet). I'm waiting to hear about the status of this fellowship (and it looks promising!) It's not what I ideally would like to be doing, bc its video production, but it just seems like too much of an incredible opportunity to pass it up. Oh, and it pays human wages ($625/week), which is a first for me!!!!
And, I am also applying to grad schools again for Fall 2011 start. U. Texas at Austin, UCLA, USC, NYU, and mayyybe U. Rochester, U. Buffalo, UC Santa Barbara, UC Santa Cruz. And who knows where else. I am deathly afraid of this process for some reason, but know in my gut that grad school would be an incredible experience. And i'm living at home, with mom, which is going okay, but dreadfully boring and lonely. I miss friends. And I have my love, John Sullivan. :) He's fabulous, and reminds me why people are so amazing and fun. He and I have our problems, but really enjoy each other. I see a future.

Right now, I'm pretty much not grounded or level-headed, and have a lot of unknowns floating around me. I hope to be more grounded soon. More sure of what I'm doing. Who I am. Where I am. I'm feeling more inspired to write these days (or at least I did a month or two ago), so that's refreshing. I feel closer and closer to that memoir that I feel destined to write. Maybe now in 2012, I'm more ready than I was.

I wonder where I am now? Grad school? Cool job? Not so cool job? Pregnant with a family? A ring on my finger? Gay, again? :)
Whoever you are right now, in this moment, just remember that you are fabulous. Always trust yourself, your intentions, and your heart. Listen to yourself always, and you'll never go wrong. Doubt yourself not, and know that your mind and its doings control everything. Nothing else is real. And be proud of who you are today. :)

Love you, and happy birthday!!!! Let this year be THE year. And every year after that.